


The Rose of Moonshadow

by TanzKoYol



Category: Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind, Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion, Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim
Genre: 36 is a tool, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Coping, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fuck your chicken strips, My First Fanfic, Party Banter is fun, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Drug Addiction, Skyrim has giant spiders and We Do Not Like That, Slow Burn, Some Cursing, Suggestive Themes, Sujamma is Life, Tags Are Hard, Thalmor Being Assholes (Elder Scrolls), Trauma, Very lore heavy, We eat bantam guar here, Weird Plot Shit, a Very Smart Nerevarine, gonna get crazy, nerevarine!dragonborn, oh my god fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-13 10:09:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 42
Words: 50,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29649735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TanzKoYol/pseuds/TanzKoYol
Summary: Lucille is the Nerevarine, one of three Heroes of Kvatch, a retired first lieutenant of the Imperial Legion, Sujamma enthusiast, Thalmor hunter, and now she is expected to once again do as fate commands and fill in the role of Dragonborn. She has a lot on her shoulders!Can she save Tamriel once again?Check back often, sometimes you have to check back several times a day, because I can't seem to stop uploading chapters haha!
Relationships: Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn & Lucien Flavius, Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn & Teldryn Sero, Female Dovahkiin | Dragonborn/Kaidan
Comments: 24
Kudos: 8





	1. Foreword

**Author's Note:**

> I am brand new to writing and being on the Spectrum really makes it so much more daunting - please be patient with me, as I have a lot going on, but I do have an end goal in mind. Any advice will be greatly appreciated. Comments, too! I will do my best to make this story great.

In the Elder Scrolls Online: Morrowind, you will find a book sitting on a stool in Vivec's private quarters, and it is the 37th Sermon of Vivec. Open it, and you will find this;

“Go here:  
world without wheel, charting zero deaths, and echoes singing.”

The first thing to note is that this leads you to www.c0da.es, and as you know, Michael Kirkbride, writer of the other 36 sermons, is also the author of C0DA. 

What is C0DA? It was supposed to be a graphic novel, set in the fifth era, after an event called Landfall, where the kalpic cycle of the world ends, and this story is supposed to send the message that the lore is in YOUR hands. Kirkbride even left Bethesda and told Todd that the lore was in our hands. And for a book in ESO to add this is profound. It now adds the argument of whether C0DA itself is canon to the actual game series. And C0DA is the very thing that is telling us that the lore is flexible, making it both canon and noncanon, now that it showed up in one of the games. A paradox, making every single headcanon and adaptation you and others make valid, but only for those who accept it.

Why am I telling you this?

Because I have a headcanon, empowered by this sudden freedom from the static chains of lore that I want to make a fanfiction from, and I have not seen many others follow a similar route. This will be a large project, and it will probably be an acquired taste for many, as it will be heavy on the lore, and I plan on adding romance into it later on.

My story is about a woman by the name of Lucille. She is the Nerevarine, one of the three Heroes of Kvatch (More on that later), Survivor of Umbriel, a retired first lieutenant of the Imperial Legion, Thalmor hunter and also being hunted by Thalmor, and now the prophesied Dragonborn.

Yes, my darling girl has her fingers in every pie, and I have lore and headcanons to back everything up, you just have to read to find out!

Anyway, this is her story of struggling with her past and future as she finds love, a friend, and adventure in the land of Skyrim.  
Ah, but what is Skyrim without any mods? I will list the ones that are important here. I may add to this list depending on the situation.

Lucien  
Kaidan 2  
Moonlight Tales Essentials, for the morrowind style werewolf look  
Hunterborn, because come on, that's essential!  
The Eyes of Beauty, for the blue/purple eye setting.  
True Trueflame and Hopesfire  
Moon-And-Star ring, Nerevarine’s test, because duh  
Netch Leather Armor,  
Wintersun, because praise Azura  
Kthonia's unique weapon pack - dragonborn, for the Chitin bow and the Dwemer lightning fork

Let me know what you think.


	2. Introduction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go!

Want to hear a pretty kick-ass story?

I was born on the 27th of Second Seed, 3E 404, under the sign of the Serpent. I know! Sounds like an absolute kwama pile, but bear with me.

I never knew my parents, as I was found at the foot of the shrine of Azura in Cyrodiil, newly born from seemingly nobody. Well, a traveler dropped me off at the orphanage in the Imperial City, where I stayed until I was seven, then I ran off. Survived off of charity and thieving for about two weeks until I was caught with my hand in a nobleman’s pocket. I was promptly imprisoned, but then three days later I was suddenly shipped off to Vvardenfell.

You see where I am going with this.

Upon arrival to Seyda Neen, I was officially pardoned by Uriel Septim VII, and sent with a man named Teldryn Sero, who took me to meet Caius Cosades. Teldryn trained me in the art of combat and stealth, and Caius trained me in the ways of magic as best he could. Teldryn eventually adopted me about two months later and raised me as a Dunmer. Life was good.

Then, on the night of my 23rd birthday, I woke from a dream of ashstorms redder than the hair on my head and the blood in my veins, and I heard a woman telling me I had been chosen. I later learned this was Azura, and my life had officially begun.

I told Teldryn and Caius, who shared knowing glances at each other, and soon I was sent off with Teldryn on a series of quests and adventures that would change my life and the lives of many others forever.

I have tasted the ash of Red Mountain, and I have faced Almalexia and Dagoth Ur. I fought Hircine in Solstheim and was cursed for my insolence. I fought alongside the Hero of Kvatch and crossed the threshold of many Oblivion Gates. I saw Baar Dau fall and destroy Vivec city, and was in Balmora when Red Mountain almost wiped it from the map. I have seen Umbriel and, and fought the undead that it raised from its shadow, and I have fought in the great war.

My name is Lucille Volene Sero. I am the Nerevarine, a hero of Kvatch, an ex Blade, a retired First Lieutenant of the Imperial Legion, sujamma enthusiast, Thalmor hunter, and most importantly an adventurer, and my story has not ended there.


	3. Dragonfire

Did you know that the Velothi Mountains are the only thing keeping Morrowind from having any snow from Skyrim?

It was very apparent the moment I crossed the border via Dunmeth pass, as snow hit me like a warhammer to the chest the moment I rounded the mountain. I can already hear Teldryn raving about the weather, and yet he left for Skyrim years ago and is probably off somewhere else now.

As I approached the city of Windhelm, I felt like I was being watched from all sides. Great, another nervous city. Just the thing to make my day. What’s more, I was almost chased from the inn for the origin of my armor alone, until I removed the face cover and goggles of my netch leather helmet to prove I am just as human as I said I am. Well, I did not give them the pleasure of my patronage anyway, so I left for the “Gray Quarter” and about had a bloody stroke when I saw the condition of the place. Had a few bottles of greef to take the edge off my temper at their cornerclub, and left about 15,000 septims under the barkeep’s counter with a note so the people there could buy food and supplies, maybe even leave that thrice-cursed place.

If there is anything to be said about the Dunmer, it is that they are a very community based people. Hardship is all they have known since the beginning of the fourth era, if not, then since the awakening of Dagoth Ur and his sleepers, and the ash blight that ravaged the populace. I know the coin will go to the community, and Azura knows they need it.

I then spent a few weeks on the road, travelling south through some volcanic tundra and into a dense aspen wood, not unlike northern Cyrodiil. Took up a few bounty contracts and kept my ears open for any news of Thalmor movements. About a week later, I learned there is an embassy here, and guess who got transferred to Skyrim?

Elenwen. The same woman I have been trying to draw from hiding for years after she ordered her pets to find me and bring me in due to me being an ex blade. Thank you, Caius, this is great!

I set up a perch in the trees on the northern road leading into Helgen to ambush this fetcher, when I heard wagons leading into the town, loaded with Stormcloak soldiers. In the last cart, I saw Ulfric Stormcloak himself.

Now, I have been aware of the civil war since it began, and I think it is absolute idiocy. Bloody stupid. I don’t give a skeever’s ass what anyone says, the Empire died when the concordat was signed. A civil war will only weaken a province, allowing the Thalmor to fester, much like a deep wound getting infected while you treat a case of the sniffles.

As I am watching this spectacle, I miss Elenwen pass under me with several Thalmor soldiers. I couldn't get a clear shot, so I resolved to wait for the apparent execution to end, and strike as she was leaving. I have all the time in the world, quite literally. 

Well. I thought I did. Daedra damn it all.

I knew there was going to be a huge problem the moment I heard the roar, and turned my bow skyward, only to be unable to move a muscle. A dragon. Yes, you heard me correctly. A dragon flew down and burned the place to ash, and I couldn’t move. All I smelled was the fires of Oblivion, not Dragonfire, but I still hauled my sorry ass out of the tree because I was not going to let a bloody dragon kill the Thalmor - that is MY job! However, I think I was too late, because I couldn’t find Elenwen, or at least her smoking corpse, so I tried to leave only for my path to be blocked by roaring flames.

I hate fire. I have seen more than enough fire.

I ran off to the keep, and ended up escaping through a cave system with a man named Hadvar, and he led me to a quaint little village by the name of Riverwood, where I am laying low for a time to watch for Thalmor and to nurse these burns before I set off and warn the Nord king about the dragon. "Jarl," I think he's called?

Why am I always the one who has to do this shit? N’chow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some terms that may be alien to people who have not played Morrowind that will eventually show up in here.
> 
> Netch Scum - Piece of Shit, or at least shit.  
> N’wah – foreigner/outlander, usually used as an insult  
> S’wit – slackwit or fool  
> Fetcher – thief, but can be used for any unsavory character  
> N’chow – damn  
> B’vehk – literally “By Vivec!” (she uses this more out of habit. She hates Vivec - ask her why~)  
> Kwama pile – bullshit  
> Bonehead – derogatory term for guards, based on the bonemold helmets Great House guards wear  
> Scuttlehead – dumbass
> 
> She likes to refer to Boethia's rather androgenous features as an exclamation, and Mephala apparently has some noteworthy breasts she finds funny to curse too.
> 
> Sera – sir, not dependent on gender  
> Muthsera – master, to denote respectful humility or debasement. Sometimes used sarcastically  
> Serjo – lord, position of great respect and leadership  
> Khena – teacher, or master, often used for wizards or scholars  
> Sedura – “gentleman”, a title often used for wealthy merchants or landowners  
> F’lah – Just calling someone "buddy"  
> Nammu - Unnamed. She doesn't know you, buddy!  
> Daelha - Love  
> Malkhesah - well, that's a surprise, can't tell you that one!


	4. Whiterun

So, I finally headed out to Whiterun. I remember this place - had to deliver word to some man that his wife just had his child in Bruma and needed him there about a year after the crisis, and I was paid a large amount of coin for it. Well, the city has not changed at all! I stopped for a drink at a quaint little tavern called the “Bannered Mare,” and was having a good time until some s’wit with a lute kept trying to proposition me. After I told him no an inordinate amount of times, he went and began pestering another woman.

Well, I had the satisfaction of punching that netch scum, and he swore to leave that poor woman alone. He damn well better leave the whole city alone if that’s how he treats a woman, but I will settle for beating him again if I hear of more of his idiocy. Little pleasures.

I left that inn and headed up for the great big castle that housed the “Jarl” as the people call him. When I entered, I swear by Boethia’s jewels and scepter that I saw Irileth, the same woman who trained alongside Teldryn in the Morag Tong. I didn't say anything about it though - she would not know me.

“What’s the meaning of this interruption? Jarl Balgruuf is not receiving visitors.”

Huh. Serving a weak-necked lord. Nice. Hope it pays well.

“Alvor sent me. Riverwood is in danger.”

“As housecarl, my job is to deal with all dangers that threaten the Jarl or his people. So you have my attention. Now, explain yourself.”

“A dragon has destroyed Helgen.

“You know about Helgen? The Jarl will want to speak to you personally. Approach.”

So I approach this man, who looks to be in his late forties or fifties, seated on this throne that made it incredibly difficult not to curl my lips into a sneer when I saw it. I hate nobility.

Anyway, he speaks up and it takes a good bit of effort not to jump at the sound of his voice - he sure knows how to project it.

“What’s this about Riverwood being in danger?”

“A dragon destroyed Helgen. Alvor is afraid Riverwood is next.”

“Alvor? The smith, isn’t he? Reliable, solid fellow. Not prone to flights of fancy. And you’re sure Helgen was destroyed by a dragon? This wasn’t some Stormcloak raid gone wrong?”

I want to strangle someone.

“Mhm. It destroyed Helgen, and last I saw, it was heading this way.”  


“By Ysmir, Irileth was right! What do you say now, Proventus? Shall we continue to trust in the strength of our walls? Against a dragon?”

Soon, the place erupts into a flurry of bickering, and I stand there spinning the Moon-and-Star on my finger, waiting for it to stop. I really, really hate nobility.

“ENOUGH!”

I am snapped out of my internal suffering by Balgruuf’s bellowing voice.

“I’ll not stand idly by while a dragon burns my hold and slaughters my people. Irileth, send a detachment to Riverwood at once.”

“Yes, my jarl.”

“If you’ll excuse me, I’ll return to my duties.”

“That would be best.”

Now, Balgruuf turns to me, and I can just feel myself withering away as he commends me for seeking him out and gives me a shoddy piece of leather armor as “a token of esteem.” N’chow, might as well have given me a set of silverware - at least that’s useful for someone.

“There is another thing you could do for me, suitable for someone of your particular talents, perhaps.”

No, no, no…

“Come, let’s go find Farengar, my court wizard. He’s been looking into a matter related to these dragons and… rumors of dragons.”

Fuck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, canonically Irileth is ex Morag Tong!


	5. Stressors

“Farengar, I think I found someone who can help you with your dragon project. Go ahead and fill her in with all the details.”

So apparently anything to do with dragons is now a talent of mine just for surviving it. Fantastic. I also happen to be skilled with kagouti and the now extinct cliff racer but that doesn't matter in the land of frozen assholes.

This wizard, Farengar, smells like old ale and burnt paper, and I am forced to endure it as he walks closer to me and eyes me like he is trying to determine what netch to buy for his herd. It is a miracle I haven’t punched this man just for existing. Finally, the s’wit speaks.

“So the Jarl thinks you can be of use to me. Oh yes, he must be referring to my research into the dragons. Yes, I could use someone to fetch something for me. Well, when I say fetch, I really mean delve into a dangerous ruin in search of an ancient stone tablet that may or may not actually be there.”

'May or may not actually be there...' This fetcher is worse than the damn Telvanni. It takes everything in my power not to run my hand down my face and sigh. I cannot handle these people.

“Just… tell me what you need me to do.”

“You are eager to begin your adventure. Excellent. The sooner begun, the sooner done, eh?”

Keep it up, _I dare you._

“I, ah, learned of a certain stone tablet said to be housed in Bleak Falls Barrow -- a 'dragonstone,' said to contain a map of dragon burial sites. Go to Bleak Falls, find this tablet -- no doubt interred in the main chamber -- and bring it to me. Simplicity itself.”

I leave that damned plane of Oblivion and head directly for the Bannered Mare. I just want some sleep and sujamma, but this is Skyrim - they don’t serve sujamma except in the cornerclub in Windhelm, and they only gave me greef.

...I wonder how they are doing now...

I rent a room from the sweet old lady at the counter and retire for the night. Yes, I have a weakness for sweet old ladies, get off my ass.

I wake up with a headache. Manageable, but still more than irritating, and I walk downstairs and the bard is playing the flute. Badly. Not surprised, considering he probably plays with his other flute more than the one he is using now.

I leave and there are two men arguing with another old lady, and as I get more and more stressed, I realize I feel like I am going to explode.

Shit.

I run, and I run hard, through the gates of Whiterun and into the plains East of the city. I don’t give a daedric damn who saw me bolt, but I managed to hide in an overhang next to a small ruin and I strip as fast as I can. Hircine decided he wanted a piece of my temper too.

I couldn’t fight it off, so I had to change. Thank Azura I found some rubble with chains on them, or I would have prowled freely and probably ended up lost.

Now, I know what you are thinking. I could receive a cure. Let me tell you the part the others don’t tell you - It requires an innocent sacrifice, something I would never do. Life is precious, and to sacrifice something so precious for something I can manage with some chains and anger management is... abhorrent. Remember, I have been dealing with this for about 206 years, give or take.

Dragons, Thalmor, prejudice, nobility and more whittled at my famously short temper until I couldn’t hold back this monster in me. So I lost two hours, chained to a stone pillar. Great.

I changed back, got back into my mildly stretched armor, and returned to the task at hand.

I arrive at this place and realize it is the same place Hadvar pointed out while we were walking to Riverwood. At least there are some bandits here I can fight, take my anger out on.

So this is going to be fun.


	6. Bleak Falls Barrow

“The dark elf wants to go on ahead, let him. Better than us risking our necks.”

I cling to the stone wall as I listen to the two bandits ahead, trying not to gag at the stench of dead skeevers. There had to be around ten of them in here, and these fetchers somehow ignore the smell like they do the law. Then again, they aren't cursed like I am.

“What if Arvel doesn’t come back? I want my share from that claw!”

“Just shut it and keep an eye out for trou-”

_thud_

“HEY!”

I sigh as I release my other arrow, watching it bury itself in the woman’s forehead with ease as she crumples to the floor.

Pushing on, I loot the chests and the bodies of the bandits, then resist the temptation to sift through the urns for gold.  
In Morrowind, you don’t raid tombs for gold and treasure. It is highly illegal, and is just plain disrespectful. Those are offerings left by the deceased individual’s descendants, the people who love and miss them.

As I push on, I find another rotting skeever, and I see a flicker of movement to my left.

A bandit just ran down a corridor to a puzzle room. I have heard of these, and watched in mild amusement as he made no effort to look up at the puzzle solution above the door and got killed by poisoned darts the moment he pulled the lever.

So, snake, snake, whale, and the portcullis is raised when I pull the lever. Sometimes I wonder if these people are dumber than the undead.

Mephala’s tits! I forgot there were undead here! I stop and pull Trueflame from my bag and begin cursing myself for being so stupid. Fire, silver, or beheading is the only way to kill draugr, and I learned this the hard way on Solstheim, and my sword takes care of the dead in a pinch.

So as I go down the spiral staircase, I find myself face to face with three skeevers. Not one. Not two. Three of the damn things. I killed them, but the scent of their charred blood being baked off of Trueflame’s surface is making me regret it. I push on, and I begin to see webs coating every surface around me.

That is the one thing I don’t do. Spiders.

I turned to leave, but then I heard a mer shouting,

“Is… is someone coming? Is that you Harknir? Bjorn? Soling?”

I cannot, in good judgement, leave someone helpless. That was the whole reason Azura made me - to be a hero. I groan, turn back around, and cut through the webs blocking my way.

Then, the biggest fucking spider I have ever laid eyes on drops from the ceiling like it is reenacting Baar Dau with a thud and screeches at me.

Fuck Skyrim, and fuck its spiders.

I hacked at it with Trueflame, and was delighted to see it had a weakness for fire, so I kept cutting the damn thing until it died, and I walked up to speak to the mer I had so bravely almost died for, and find he is wrapped in thick webbing.

“You did it, you killed it. Now cut me down before anything else shows up.”

“Where’s the claw?”

“Yes, the claw. I know how it works. The claw, the markings, the door in the Hall of Stories. I know how they all fit together! Help me down, and I will show you. You won’t believe the power the Nords have hidden here.”

“Fine, but if you run, I swear by Boethia's tits I will put an arrow in your skull faster than you can say ‘s’wit.’ Clear?”

“Crystal.”

Thing is, I knew he was going to try to run anyway, so I intentionally left his feet bound until I could catch him by the scruff. The glare he gave me was well worth the effort. These fetchers are nothing if not predictable.

I kept a solid grip on him as we fought the draugr, and he was smart enough not to say a damn thing about Trueflame. He knows who I am - that’s why he hasn’t tried shit. Maybe this one is a tad bit smarter than his friends.

When we reached the Hall of Stories, I pulled out the claw from his bag. He fussed like a child, but relented when I squeezed the back of his neck with my thumb and forefinger. He taught me how to use the claw, and in return, I let him go, but I made sure I had the claw in my left hand, as well as my elven dagger in the other in case he tried something stupid.

And of course, he did, only to find my dagger embedded right between his eyes. I was wrong, he is so much stupider. N’chow.

I took his body into the main chamber and burned it, and spread the ashes. No Dunmer deserves to rot, not even the scum.

As I climbed the dais, I heard the damndest thing; Chanting, in some long forgotten language. I hadn’t realized I had approached a wall and was staring at a set of runes that were glowing until a draugr burst from the coffin and took a swing at me. I dodged, and used the momentum to deliver a beheading, but the damn thing was much faster. It inhaled, and I was suddenly thrown into the stone wall by a wave of force.

The draugr rasped “Kren Sosaal!” and began laughing as I shook myself from my daze.

I stood up and touched the back of my head, which was bleeding badly, and let out a snarl I hadn’t meant to, which made it laugh even harder. I pulled out my bow and shot it in the knees, then I leapt onto it and quickly beheaded it.

I stood up and cast a piss-poor healing spell. For some reason, I have always struggled to use magic on myself, so I gave up and drank one of my healing potions and had to wait for it to take effect. 

I found the Dragonstone strapped to the draugr’s back, and I carefully removed it and placed it in my bag. This had better get me a minimum of 4,000 septims or I will birth a fuckin’ netch. I am not in the mood to be swindled.

I left the ruin and found myself near the lake near Riverwood. I walked along the shore and found a camp that had been abandoned, but still held a scent.

I know the scent of the leather polish the Thalmor use on their robes like the Moon-and-Star on my finger. I had a look around, scoured the area for any leftover information or evidence they may have overlooked, and found a bottle of Honningbrew and a book of ghost stories by Galatia Oliver. Things like this will help me identify a prisoner as safe if they confirm that these were their items. I will have to ask around, see if there were any sightings and possible information on their whereabouts.

I arrived in Riverwood and stopped by the trader to sell the claw I got from Arvel, and the poor man almost had a stroke. Apparently, Arvel and his little friends stole this from him, so I gladly returned it, and asked for information instead of gold.

“I suggest asking either Delphine or Orgnar in The Sleeping Giant. They tend to know everything.” he told me as he got to work polishing the claw off.

The information I ended up getting from Orgnar was more than fantastic. Looks like Farengar has to wait a little bit, doesn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many dunmer would be able to identify her as the Nerevarine from her sword alone - The Dunmer live up to 500 years or so, and some artificially extend their lives - Master Neloth, who has showed up in Morrowind and now Skyrim, is rumored to have lived over 1,000 years.
> 
> Arvel looks middle aged for a dunmer. He'd know exactly who she was.


	7. Kaidan

Orgnar was very puzzled as to why I left in such a hurry, but the answer is simple - I will never pass up an opportunity to hit the Thalmor where it hurts, and a prison is one such location.

I know you wonder why I hunt these assholes. The truth is, they wiped out the blades in Cloud Ruler temple, and brought their heads to the Emperor, who surrendered when he saw their unseeing eyes staring back at him. I had often visited the temple during my time in the legion, and as an ex Blade, I felt responsible for helping train many of the young men and women on the days I was off the field. I knew every person there, and they killed almost every single one. One of the victims was a boy named Lucas. He was only 16, and yet he was the finest swordsman there. They never let him make history. 

So, I hunt them to make them feel the terror my family and friends felt the day they slaughtered them like bantam guar.

I arrived at the place around midday and scowled at the condition these scuttleheads kept it, and as I entered, I immediately smelled blood on the air. I drew my bow and crept down the tower stairs and came to a room with a Thalmor soldier half asleep in a chair. I gladly interrupted his sleep with an arrow to the back of the neck.

As I moved further into the prison, I noted heavy water damage. It was more likely these bastards were making use of the building after a flood, not built the place. This is a temporary setup, unlikely to hold anything of importance. I swore, and crept into the darkness ahead, searching for more agents, until I heard a very faint heartbeat to my left.

\---------------------------------------

I woke to the sound of the cage door creaking open, and I was fully prepared for another interrogation. I don’t remember what I said, but the response was like a splash of cold water to the face.

“I don’t think you are in much of a condition to be making threats here, Nammu.”

I looked up to see the silhouette of a woman picking open my shackles. I couldn’t see worth a damn, but I did see she had long hair that was pulled into a ponytail and she had a small stature. Dunmer, I assumed, by the accent and from what I could see.

“You’re not with the Thalmor are you? Quick, get me free from here before more come!”

“I actually want more to come.” she mused, picking away at the lock to my shackles. “More of a loss for the Dominion, since I’m here.”

The lass freed me, then promptly healed me up while she told me to meet her at her encampment across the river so she can patch me up further. I almost argued with her, but she started muttering a prayer to Boethia as she coated her dagger in a rough smelling poison, so I asked her to get my sword and gear from the bastard she was fixing to kill.

I could almost feel sorry for him.

I step out of my prison and smell the fresh air for the first time in days, and as I make it to her camp, I see she has spare bedrolls at the ready. On one of them, I see the book I had at my camp, along with my unfinished bottle of Honningbrew.

Was she here for me?

I looked over to the prison once I sat near the fire and saw the opposite of what I was expecting. The lass who saved me was actually an Imperial with hair the color of freshly dried blood, and when she came up and started looking me over, I noticed her eyes were much like the sky at twilight - blue, fading to a shade of purple. It was unusual, but she wore these features well, and she was strangely clad in netch leather. She hauled my gear over her shoulder like it was nothing, and as she placed it at my feet, I noticed her eyeing the runes on my blade.

I didn’t notice she said something ‘till she nudged me and said, “You gonna keep gawking or you gonna answer my question?”

“Sorry, what?”

“What’s the story with your sword?”

“The question on everyone’s mind, even mine. The sword belonged to my mother. I never knew her, but it’s my only clue to finding out who she was.”

She nodded in understanding and prepared to hand me a bedroll, but I caught her by the shoulder to get her attention.

“Listen. I owe you my life, and I’m not a man who’s comfortable being in debt. If you have need of me, I’d be glad to fight alongside you until that debt is repaid.”

She looked up at me with a curious expression on her face.

“What’s your name, Swordsman?”

“Kaidan. My name is Kaidan.”

She nodded and handed me a bedroll, and when she started packing the other two away, it clicked.

She's here to save prisoners of the Thalmor.

“My name is Lucille. Good to meet you. And, to answer your question, I’d be glad to have someone fight alongside me again. Now get some rest, Swordsman... you need it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nammu - a term used to address someone you have no information on, not even their name. It literally translates to "unnamed."
> 
> It also came to my attention from one of my friends that she couldn't picture Lucille's eyes with the way I described them. I mean, it is quite hard to without wasting breath, so I just made an imgur account and took a pic of her eyes to show you guys what they look like.
> 
> https://imgur.com/gallery/NXnAYUk


	8. Late night questions

The moment I heard a heartbeat, I knew I had to act swiftly, because it was faint, and fading. It is only by the grace of Azura that he is still alive. I got this man free, only for him to ask for my help in retrieving his gear. I mean, that I understand - being defenseless when it can be avoided is ridiculous, but he was in no condition to fight. This is a case where I would say something about the stereotypical nord, but when I left the prison to give him his gear and finish patching him up, I noticed he was quite… different.

A curious fellow, he is. His name is Kaidan, but I find it amusing to call him Swordsman. Wonder how long it takes for him to ask me why I call him that.

Anyway, he’s not at all like the brutish Nords that call this icy wasteland home, except in mannerisms and his towering height, though he is a bit taller than the average Nord, isn’t he? His facial features are a bit more chiseled than the Imperials, and most important of all, his eyes are the same shade of red as Azura’s roses. I know, I know, another steaming kwama pile, but I am not lying. He looks nothing like a Breton, so that’s ruled out. Imperial is very unlikely, and his skin is the wrong shade to be a Nord. N’chow. I have been wanting to avoid asking, but…

“Swordsman?”

A grunt.

“What happened with the Thalmor?”

Wait, that is NOT what I wanted to ask!

He sighed and I immediately felt like a heartless s'wit.

“Aye. I guess I owe you that. I’d been trying to find a way to cross the border into Pale Pass. In the meantime, I’d been picking up bounty contracts to keep some coin in my pocket. Must have drawn too much attention to myself. I’d been camping by the lake when they ambushed me. It seems the Thalmor don’t need much evidence to bring in a suspect. They took one look at that sword and decided I’d be a good target for interrogation, and dragged me off to the abandoned prison.”

I have been held captive a few times, and always escaped quite shaken, so for this man here to be chatting so idly about it made me wonder…

“Weren’t you afraid?”

He let out a bitter laugh, one I know all too well.

“Well, Brynjar used to say, ‘If you’re not a little afraid, you’re not understanding the situation.’ Fear I can deal with easily enough… but there was a moment or two where I started to think it might really be the end of me. The Thalmor would have never let me go, no matter what I told them.”

He then turned to me and looked me in the eye.

“You’ve faced down mortality too, perhaps you know the feeling?”

Ash. Lava. Fire. Blood. War. Death. Oblivion. Undead.  
I couldn’t respond, Azura knows I tried, but I froze like a bloody s’wit, trying not to either scream or walk off. Say something!

“More than you know…”

“Apologies. I didn’t mean to prod old wounds. But after all that’s happened, you’re still standing.”

“The Thalmor will come after you again, you know.”

“Probably, and I’ll be ready for them. Live and learn, right?”

Mephala's tits, I am done talking about this!

“So, what brought you to Skyrim?”

“I spent a long time wandering, and this is where my feet lead me.”

I must have made a face, because he laughed - a warm sound, it was. Pleasant, actually.

“To own the truth, I came to Skyrim to learn something of my heritage, my bloodline.”

“I, ah... mean this in the nicest possible way, f’lah, but you don’t… really... look like a Nord…”

He only chuckled, much to my relief, then answered with a smile.

“Well, aren’t you observant? No, that Atmoran ice doesn’t run in my veins. I have no Voice of the Emperor, or Dragonskin magic. I don’t know the race of my mother…”

I know that pain all too well, but the problem is that I look just like an Imperial, save for my hair and eyes, so I just go with it.

I wanted to help, and so I offered it.

“What if I helped you out, Swordsman?”

He looked stunned. Is it that unheard of to help someone here? What is wrong with this world...

“You’d do that? I would appreciate the help.”

I nodded, and I noticed he is still staring at my hair. I coughed to get his attention, which startled him into a sheepish smile.

“Apologies… been meaning to ask. Is it natural? Your hair, I mean....”

I laughed. I couldn’t help it, but I laughed. 

“It can’t be _that_ unnatural if your eyes are the same color, sera!”

He started laughing too, and I leaned over and pulled a bottle of mead from my bag and tossed it to him, which he eagerly caught and made quick work of getting it open. I then pulled out the small flask of sujamma I'd been saving and he looked at me like he just learned the answers to the questions of the Aurbis.

“You were raised in Morrowind, weren’t you?”

I snorted. “You got that from a flask of sujamma?”

“You got any family over there?”

Now I was not expecting that. I took a swig of my drink to hide the look of surprise on my face, then answered once I recovered.

“I’m alone in this world, save for Teldryn, the mer who adopted me.”

He smiled and said, “I know the feeling, but blood alone doesn’t make a family. There are many who care about you, myself among them.”

Well, he really knows how to make the world stand still, doesn’t he?

"Well, I'm off to bed. I suggest getting back to sleep, we have to deal with an irritating court wizard tomorrow."


	9. The Chains of Fate...

I awoke to the smell of roasted rabbit, and found myself dragging my body out of the bedroll before I was even fully conscious.

Wait, when was the last time I ate?

It had to be at the Bannered Mare before I left for Bleak Falls. I keep forgetting to take care of myself, and I have nobody to blame other than the s’wit at the helm of my body. Myself.

I look over at the fire where I smell the cooked rabbit, and I see Kaidan grinning from ear to ear.

“Good morning, Lucille. Did you know you snore?”

I was suddenly overcome by a fit of laughter.

“As do you, Swordsman! A silt strider would be jealous!”

“A what?”

Ouch. Now I know I am old.

He shrugged and passed me a leg of the rabbit he cooked, and I didn’t realize I had wolfed it down until my hands were empty.

“Damn, if I didn’t know better, I’d say you hadn’t eaten in awhile. Want more?”

“No thank you, f’lah, I apprecia-”

I am interrupted by him placing another rabbit haunch in my hand, and I can’t really find it in myself to reject it, so I finished that one off too. It was then that I noticed he was watching me with an odd look on his face.

“You look like you are about to ask something.”

“Why do you hunt the Thalmor, Lucille?”

Ash and ice! I am NOT dealing with that this early in the morning!

“Come help me pack up, we gotta be there as soon as possible.”

“I apologize, I meant nothing by it. Are you alri-”

I spin on my heel and face him. Thank Azura I had my netch leather helmet on, or he would have seen the terror and pain etched on my face.

“Kaidan, you really want to know? I’ll tell you after we deliver this Dragonstone to Farengar, okay? Just, let me prepare myself.”

\-------------------------------------------------

Life had other plans.

We cross the threshold of Dragonsreach, and the first thing we see is a woman clad in leather armor with a hood pulled over her head. If I was not one of Hircine’s beasts, I would have never known it was the innkeeper from Riverwood.

Farengar speaks up, filling his lab with the sound of his immensely irritating voice.

“You see, the terminology is clearly First Era, or even earlier. I’m convinced this is a copy of a much older text. Perhaps dating to just after the Dragon War. If so, I could use this to cross-reference the names with much older texts.”

“Good. I’m glad you’re making progress. My employers are anxious to have some tangible answers.”

So the wizard works not for the Jarl, but this woman. I knew there was something off about his description of Bleak Falls.

“Oh, have no fear. The Jarl himself has finally taken an interest, so I am able to devote most of my time to this research.”

“Time is running, Farengar, don’t forget. This isn’t some theoretical question. Dragons have come back.”

“Yes, yes, don’t worry. Although the chance to see a living dragon up close would be tremendously valuable…”

“Or incredibly stupid, if you have no idea what you are doing.” I snap. The hooded woman tries to hide a grin.

“Hmm? Ah, yes! The Jarl’s protégé! Back from Bleak Falls Barrow? You didn’t die, it seems…”

Was he expecting me to? Fetcher.

“Ah, the Dragonstone of Bleak Falls Barrow! Seems you are a cut above the usual brutes the Jarl sends my way.”

“Clearly. Where’s the reward?”

“You’ll have to see the Jarl about that. Maybe his steward, Avenicci. I’m sure one of them will pay you appropriately.”

I nearly have a netch, but Kaidan places his huge hand on my shoulder, startling me enough to forget I was pissed until I noticed the woman looks at me with a scrutinizing gaze I have only seen trained into people. I had to tuck my hand into my pocket to keep her from seeing the Moon-And-Star.

“You went into Bleak Falls Barrow and got that? Nice work.”

I hear the doors of Dragonsreach open with a surprising amount of force, and I turn my head to see Irileth fly in like a damned cliff racer on the hunt.

“Farengar, you need to come at once! A dragon’s been sighted nearby.”

She then looks at me and I groan. Why? Why me?

“You should come too.”

I tune out the kwama shite being poured back and forth while I look at Kaidan, who seems strangely unphased by all of this.

\-----------------------------------------------

I follow Lucille as she trails behind Irileth, and find myself wondering why she was so tightly wound. I’ve seen her fight on the road - a formidable lass, skilled in the shortsword, the dagger, and the bow, Morag Tong style. Out of all the people capable of fighting a dragon, I’d say she is the best option, and yet she doubts her every move.

I thought I was high strung. She could teach me a few lessons.

Anyway, we approach the Western Watchtower, and as Lucille muttered silent prayers to Azura, we searched for survivors. I almost made it to the tower…

“No, stop, get back! It’s still here somewhere - Hroki and Tor just got grabbed when they tried to make a run for it.”

A roar echoes over the mountains behind the tower.

“Kynareth save us, here he comes again!”

I look over at Lucille and see her ready her bow and fire. I watched her arrow as it arced, and struck the dragon in the chest. It roared, and I saw it had its focus on her, so I took out my war bow and started pelting the bastard too, hoping to distract it, and I did. It kept going back and forth like this until Lucille shot an arrow into its wing joint.

We all brought it down with ease after that, and Lucille was lingering behind as everyone gathered around the dragon.

“Come on. Don’t you want to get a closer look?”

She looked far away for a moment or two, but then nodded and began to approach the dragon.

She then stopped, and the dragon began to disintegrate into flames. I called out to her, and she didn’t answer, so I tried to get to her to pull her away.

Before I could get to her, the flames became light and rose up, and then slammed into her, leaving her groaning in pain. I rushed to her side, and she waved me off like she hadn’t just absorbed some intense magic.

Of course, the Jarl’s men did not respect her desire for a moment of respite, and I watched as they hit the poor lass with a torrent of information that I know she will never admit nearly made her cry.

Dragonborn? I can see it, but I can also see what it is doing to her. I just wish I knew how to help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be a long one, and it is going to shed some light on how I think the Nerevarine feels about each event in history, some events that are in direct correlation to the destruction of the Heart of Lorkhan and the disappearance of Vivec.
> 
> This is going to reveal why she has such a short temper, and a bitter attitude toward the world.
> 
> There is mention of substance abuse, but it is a crucial element to her story, so kept it short to be a little friendlier.


	10. ... Weigh More Than Mountains.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos and Comments are always appreciated!

Breathe...

“You’ve done a great service for me and my city, Dragonborn. By my right as Jarl, I name you Thane of Whiterun. It is the greatest honor that is within my power to grant. I assign you Lydia as a personal housecarl for Breezehome, which is now yours, and this weapon from my armory to serve as your badge of office. I’ll also notify…”

Fuck this.

I run, and am stopped by a woman in steel armor with pretty dark hair and blue eyes.

“The Jarl has appointed me to be your housecarl. It’s an honor to serve-”

Kwama pile.

“No. You either serve me out of free will, or not at all. This isn’t House Dres.”

I continue forward and head to the house that was given to me.

Just breathe...

I open the door, and am immediately hit with the scent of expensive furniture polish and incense. This is a noble’s house, not mine.

Kaidan goes to a chair and makes himself comfortable with an amused gleam in his eye.

“Thane of Whiterun. You certainly are moving up in the world, eh?”

I can’t breathe.

I start crying for the first time since the Red Year, and he immediately rushes to me and holds me. I don’t know how long I cried into his chestplate. Probably hours? Minutes? Days? I don’t know. All I know is that it stopped when it stopped.

“Kaidan...”

“You feel better..?”

“I think I am ready to answer your questions…”

He pulled away from me and looked deep in my eyes. I never realized how gorgeous they really are, glittering in the firelight like garnets. I almost feel safe, but… He is reading me, feeling the depths of my pain, and before I knew it, he asked the question that will forever change how he sees me.

“Who were you, before you discovered you had the dragonblood?”

I snort. “Before or after the third era?”  
A pause.  
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap, Swordsman…”

A beat. A second. A third…

I take his hand and place the Moon-and-Star in his open palm.

“Kaidan, I am also the Nerevarine.”

It is then that I watch a display of hundreds of unnamed emotions cross his face, each piecing together my mannerisms, my words… He looks up and gingerly returns my ring, his voice pitched in a way he hoped would soothe me.

“Oh, Lucille…”

“There’s more. I was there for the great hunt on Solstheim, and I ended up being bitten. So, I ended up having to fight Hircine. And later, I..”

“Wait… you’re a-”

“Mhm. No, I will not pursue the cure, because this strain requires an innocent sacrifice, something that is abhorrent. No, chains and anger management have served me just fine for the past two hundred something years. Now, back to what I was saying.”

“I later moved west. My Lady sent a vision of a nord woman in the outfit of a prisoner with dark blonde hair and stormy blue eyes, and she was holding the Amulet of Kings. I saw her run from what I now know was the Mythic Dawn and out of a sewer near an Ayelid ruin. My trainer and adoptive father Teldryn received the same vision, and we waited outside Vilverin until we met her.”

“She couldn’t have been more than, what, seventeen? And already, she was faced with the same chains of fate I endured six years before…”

b

“What was her name?”

“Katie. Katie Fair-Winds. Called her Eagle-Eyes just to rile her up - had more of a temper than I did! She was tasked by the Emperor himself, the same Emperor who freed me, to deliver the Amulet of Kings to a man named Jauffre. He died, telling her to deliver this amulet. We set off, and eventually we are tasked with finding the Emperor’s lost son, Martin Septim.”

The way my voice broke was apparent to Kaidan, but as expected, he was kind enough to avoid asking.

“Well, we get to Kvatch, and there it is - a bloody Oblivion gate. We are told we have to go in to find Martin, and this girl, without hesitation, agreed to do just that. Hah, Teldryn and I looked at eachother sharing the same thought - this one is special.”

“You and your father were the two people who helped the Hero of Kvatch?”

“Yes, but that's not really important right now.”

“Well, we find Martin and help close the Oblivion gate. By then, poor Martin is struggling with the news that he is the heir to the throne. I can’t even imagine… Anyway, as Katie, my best friend, led us all over Cyrodiil to end the Oblivion crisis, Martin and I had a… connection. We found ourselves gravitating toward one another, and eventually we figured out we were both horribly oblivious to the way the other felt, and when I finally asked him on a date, I heard Teldryn scream in victory and the sad sigh of Katie losing a large amount of money.”

Kaidan barked out a musical laugh,  
“They were placing bets on who would ask the other out first?!”

“I know! Those two were quite the characters. Well, in hindsight, I never should have said anything. When Martin… when he sacrificed himself...”

“Oh... I forgot about that…

“Let’s just… change the subject. Please.”

He nods and places a hand over mine and I find it is suddenly easier to continue my story.

“After the Oblivion crisis, Katie finds a door, just out in the middle of the Niben bay. We weren’t able to go in, like something was blocking us, but she went in just fine. She came out about a week later and tells me… no. You asked about me, not Katie.”

His face twists in somber confusion, and I resolve to tell him someday, just not today.

“Five years later, Baar Dau fell, beginning the chain of events that made up the Red Year. I don’t know if I should have destroyed the Heart of Lorkhan or not… The disappearance of Vivec prompted the building of the Ingenium, a device powered by the will of Clavicus Vile and the souls of thousands of Dunmer to keep Baar Dau aloft. When one of the creators heard his wife was chosen, he and a man named Vuhon got into a fight, damaging the ingenium…”

“All I know is that if I had not destroyed the Heart of Lorkhan, Baar Dau would still be aloft, but Dagoth Ur will still be around. So, no matter what I could have done, there would always be the blood of millions staining my hands…”

Kaidan looked pissed, but said the exact opposite of what I was expecting;  
“You can’t seriously be blaming yourself for this!”

“I can, because it is true, Swordsman.”

He makes to argue again, but I cut him off.

“If you find proof that these events were not the result of me destroying the Heart of Lorkhan and stripping Vivec of his power, maybe then will I consider forgiving myself. Until then, I will continue to try to make this right in some way.”

“Back to what I was saying. Umbriel came about 43 years later. I was there at Chorrol when the defense failed, so I rode ahead to warn the Imperial City that Umbriel approaches. I have always been terrified of the undead, but now every time I see something up and moving around when it shouldn’t reminds me that Umbriel, too, was made possible by the Red Year. By my actions at Red Mountain. If you go to Cyrodiil, you will find there are still hills where the legion piled the bodies raised by the floating city and covered in soil…”  
“There are guards there, to keep anyone from disrespecting such a site, and these guards do not wear any ranks, in case someone buried there is an unidentified soldier that can be outranked. I never truly understood the significance of that until I myself joined the legion.”

“After these catastrophes, I laid down my sword and took up skooma and drink. As someone who was made rich by adventuring, there was never a shortage of skooma, and I could bribe anyone I pleased. Teldryn stopped to visit one day and when he saw the condition I was in, he about killed me. He stood me up, put a sword in my hand, and had me duel him. I lost, for the first time since I was a child. He put his sword down and told me that Tamriel needs a hero with a level head, not swilling in poison, and that the longer I sat there and wallowed in my self pity, the more I would let the world down. So, I went and joined the Imperial legion so I could make something of myself again.”

“Unfortunately, it was about three years before the Great War. I had worked my way up to First Lieutenant, and on my off days I would go to Cloud Ruler Temple and train the Blades there. Oh yes, I am an ex Blade. Surprised? Well, it wasn’t by choice - Caius was commanded to induct me back in Vvardenfell, but I still felt a strong sense of duty to these people, so many years after my induction. When the Great War started, I was called back to the Imperial City, and met a woman named Lyra. She was a rank above me, but at this point, I was not afraid to bite, snapping at anyone and everyone. Strangely, she found it amusing, and as we fought together, we grew close. We retired after the war ended. Well, she did - I kept adventuring. She married a man by the name of Davidicus. Nobleman, but a good man - only noble I have actually tolerated. The rest are just s'wits, really. She had me check his background before their first date - all clean. I knew she would be okay, and I knew my identity was safe with her, so as a parting and wedding gift, we had a portrait of us painted, a scene of us drinking and laughing. I wish I had a copy.”

“I left after their wedding and went to see Cloud Ruler…”

I ball my hands into fists, and Kaidan squeezes the hand he still has ahold of.

“Lucille, you don’t have to continue if you don't want to.”

“No. I feel a lot better, talking to someone. I have been carrying this for over two hundred years… it helps. Thank you.”

He nods, and I continue,

“Most of the Blades had been killed. Beheaded, and their heads brought in a cart to greet the Emperor with unseeing eyes. I knew every single person there. The one that hurt the most was a boy named Lucas. He was the almost the same age as Katie, and like her, he was one of the best swordsmen in Cyrodiil. He was… like a son, really. He would always run up to greet me when I would visit, and he was the only one at Cloud Ruler I told my story to…”

“I found his body, lying broken at the steps to the temple, sitting in a pool of his blood. His was the only body that still had a head on its shoulders. You asked why I hunt the Thalmor. I hunt them because I knew they left him like that for me to find. It is in the records - I was a Blade, so I am on the run too. But I intend to make Elenwen pay dearly. I tracked her here to Skyrim - she was transferred. A nuisance, but I still worked to hunt her down. Almost had an arrow in that thrice-cursed heart of hers at Helgen, but then that damn dragon came and here I am again, chained to fate. The funny thing is, Azura told me I was free from prophecy after I defeated Dagoth Ur - I could do as I pleased. Should have known back in Mournhold that was a bloody kwama pile.”

I sit back in the chair, prop my feet on the table and sigh.

“So, that’s my sob story, Swordsman. Thoughts?”

He looked sad for a moment, but then laughed.  
“You really are formidable, aren’t you?”

“'Better to suffer a wrong than to do one.' Come on. I need a drink after all this. Coming, Kai?”

“With you all the way.”


	11. Oops...

I open the door to the Bannered Mare and everyone in there turns to look at me. As if it couldn’t get bad enough, the s’wit of a bard kept playing “The Dragonborn Comes,” trying to get my attention. Well, I did not give that strutting guar the pleasure of making eye contact.

I sat down at one of the tables and Kai sat in the chair opposite to me, as expected. I look over at him and watch him fuss over a knot in his hair with such an intense amount of frustration that made me laugh, which startled him.

“What’s so funny?”

“Oh, Swordsman, ever heard of a comb?”

“Of course I have, I just misplaced it.”

I smile, becoming more and more amused.

“Are you always so serious, f’lah? Do you know any jokes?”

It’s his turn to smile.

“I know OF them.”

“Come on, give it a go.”

He shifts in the chair to lean back, lacing his fingers behind his head as he thinks it over.

“What do you get when you mix a joke with a rhetorical question?”

“I have no idea. What?”

Silence.

I start snickering, which made him smile.

“A relief that didn’t fall flat.”

I pull out my flask of sujamma, earning myself a raised eyebrow from my companion,

“What? They serve piss here! Am I not allowed to have the good stuff?”

He starts laughing and I grin, placing the flask on the table with a mischievous glint in my eye.

“Want a taste?”

He unscrews the lid and takes a whiff, only to look at me like I am insane.

“What is this?”

“Sujamma. Never had anything that strong?”

He hesitates, then takes a sip. I watch as his nose turns bright red and he struggles to swallow it, and I laugh.

“Damn, woman! what’s in this stuff?”

“It is made of ash yams. Potent, isn’t it?”

“I don’t need an ale for weeks.”

I snicker and lean back, retrieving the flask from the table, and take a sip myself. I’m glad he hasn’t reacted like Lyra did when I told her who I was - she could not speak to me for weeks, too afraid to make a fool of herself in front of me until I reminded her I am still a person that just wants to be treated normally. It is then I realize that he knows everything about me, and I know nearly nothing about him.

“So, will you tell me more of your story?”

He looks at me, and I struggle not to smile - he’s adorable with a reddened nose.

“I was raised by a Nord. Brynjar. He was a bounty hunter, so I spent most of my childhood travelling across Tamriel and criss-crossing Skyrim. Of course, as I go on I’m finding there’s more to it than that. The constant moving, teaching me how to live in the wilderness, Training me every day to fight. I learned how to use a sword before I even learned how to read.”

“That’s a... curious childhood.”

He chuckles and rubs his bright nose.

“For my thirteenth birthday, he took me on a hunting trip in the wilderness - and when I woke the next morning he was nowhere to be found. All he’d left me was a flint, a knife, and an empty waterskin. It took me two days to make it back to civilization, but I learned the importance of self sufficiency then,”

Hm. Now THAT’S odd.

“If he pulled that in Morrowind, you’d be kwama feed. Why’d he do that?”

“I think Brynjar was running from something, and he spent my whole life teaching me how to defend myself from whatever it was. Not that he ever told me, he was always vague about his past, and even more so about mine. Always promising to tell me one day, and dying before he got around to it. That run-in with the Thalmor seems to have shed some light on it though.”

“And your mother..?”

He then looked so sad…

“No, I don’t know much about my mother, only that the sword I have once belonged to her, or so Brynjar told me. He also said that she was brave, and beautiful, and clever, but never anything actually useful. After his death, I took up the job of bounty hunting - it was all I knew, really, and it’s lead me to some interesting places.”

“And some other years, I… well. Perhaps the less said about my past, the better.”

Oh.

“You don’t want to tell me, f’lah?”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and sighed.

“It’s not something worth retelling.”

He made to get up, but I caught him by the elbow and when he sat down, I passed my flask to him, which he took a swig of, coughing as it went down, but he settled afterward. He leaned back, crossed his legs and sighed.

I ran my hand down my face and groaned. I didn’t mean to pry.

“N’chow. We are both fucked up, aren’t we?”

He laughed so hard and so suddenly that it scared ME, and I couldn’t figure out what in oblivion was so funny.

“What’s so funny, Swordsman?”

He stifled his laughter, and slurred something along the lines of “never heard a lady use that language in public.”

“I am far from what you’d consider a lady, Kaidan.”

He began snickering again and suddenly it made sense…

Boethia’s balls. I forgot that Sujamma is tolerated much better by Dunmer, and the only reason I could handle it is because of Hircine's curse and an acquired tolerance. Teldryn never let me have any before Solstheim, and any sip he let me have after the incident got me at least mildly drunk. Kaidan had two swallows as he is!

“Ah, shit. Alright, Kai, Let’s get you back to my house. I am so sorry…”

“No, don’ apologize. I rather like talkin’ to ya.”

I helped him stand, only to find he needed to lean on me, and so I led him down to Breezehome, and I led him upstairs once we got inside. As I was getting a bedroll for him, I heard the bed creak, and look over to see him passed out... on my bed.

What a day. I look to the flask in my hand and unscrew it... 

Teldryn’s words returned to the front of my mind from all those years ago, and then I put the flask down on the table with more force than necessary. No, I will not. Besides, there's only so much of it left.

I laid down on the bedroll and drifted off into a restless sleep, listening to Kaidan snore. Loudly.


	12. Hangover Helper

I woke up with the worst hangover I have ever had in years, and suddenly felt a bottle being pressed to my lips. I couldn’t open my eyes to see what it was, so I swatted at it. I just want to go back to sleep.

“Come on, f’lah, don’t fight me on this. It will help.”

“What is it?”

“Just a healing potion I mixed with a stamina potion. What, did you think I’d give you more drink?”

I groan and swallow the bitter concoction, feeling somewhat better in a few moments.

“Please, let me stick to ale from now on, Lucille…”

“I am so sorry - I forgot that usually only Dunmer can handle it - the only reason I can handle it is because of Hircine’s curse and about a hundred years of experience. Next time, you’ll just be having greef or flin. Are you okay, swordsman?”

“It's fine, ‘m just gonna need a moment to get my bearings.”

“Come downstairs once you do - I made breakfast, and I got some water for you too.”

Oh gods, how does anyone survive drinking that? 

\-----------------------------------------------------

I come downstairs and I see her preparing our plates, and the smell makes my stomach growl. She jumps at the sound, looks up at me, then ushers me over to the table where she set our plates. She sat down and took a bite of hers.

“Smells good. What’d you make?” I ask as I sit down and take a forkful into my mouth.

“Something I learned in Cyrodiil - called Mudcrab Scramble. I learned one day it helps with hangovers, surprisingly.”

I smile. She’s a worrier, isn’t she?

“Mind if I ask you something?”

She looks up, and I see she has already eaten a fourth of her plate. She swallows and replies,

“Depends on what you’re gonna ask, Swordsman.”

“Why do you call me that?”

“Hah! Took you three days to ask. Well, you remind me of a friend of mine I would pester with the name back on Solstheim. Just find it amusing, really. Why? Want me to stop?”

“Ah, no, it’s fine. Just curious.”

She nods in understanding and begins finishing off her plate.

I have barely even touched mine.

“Slow down, lass - you’re gonna choke.”

“Hm? Oh… One has to eat fast in the Legion, and being a… well, it makes you quite hungry. It's a habit. At least nothing goes to waste, yeah?”

I nod and continue eating.

“Does it bother you that I’m a werewolf?”

She’s worried about that?

“Well, you chose not to use the cure, and for a valid reason, didn’t you? It doesn’t really bother me. I kind of like the wild edge it gives you though… I do wonder about the afterlife. You’ll be taken into the hunt; I just hope that’s something you’re okay with.”

She tried to hide a strange blush that crept up her face with her tankard, and coughed. Did I say something wrong..?

Wait, shit, why’d I say that?

“Well, I’m not too sure Hircine will be bold enough to try to claim the soul of the Nerevarine. I belonged to Azura from the moment I was born, probably even before that. It’d be kind of foolish to start a fight with My Lady. He’s probably just trying to get back at me for putting a stop to his great hunt.”

“You really are an interesting individual.”

She smiles and gathers our plates to wash them. After a few minutes, she returns and sits across from me once again.

“I could hear the cogs turning in your head from over there - What’s on your mind?”

“So, we have to go to High Hrothgar? The Greybeards are masters of the Thu’um. I don’t doubt they have the answers you need.”

“I hope so. I can’t wrap my head around this dragonborn business. I am not related to the Septims, and I don’t see how the Nords here are referring to me being born under the sign of the Imperial banner. And being brought into the world by a daedric pri-”

“What are you talking about? Being born under the Imperial banner?”

“Yes, I was born in Cyrodiil. Had to be, to fulfill part of one of the Nerevarine prophecies.”

“What’s it say?”

She groans and sits back in her chair.

“From seventh sign of eleventh generation,  
Neither Hound, nor Guar, nor Seed, nor Harrow,  
But Dragon-Born and far-star-marked  
Outlander Incarnate beneath Red Mountain  
Blessed Guest counters Seven Curses  
Star-Blessed hand wields Thrice-Cursed blade  
To reap the harvest of the unmourned house.”

Ah, well that’s gotta be confusing for anyone.

“Huh. Maybe it has a double meaning.”

She laughs bitterly

“At this rate, I wouldn’t be surprised if it meant I hatched from a bloody egg. Been wondering that myself, really. Shouldn’t have, considering Martin tried to demonstrate to Katie how the Amulet of Kings unlatches itself from anyone who isn’t Dragonborn and put it on me, only for it to stay. He said nothing of it, but put it on Teldryn instead, despite the old mer’s bitching about being touched, and it fell off of him like it was supposed to.”

“And nobody questioned it?”

“I think we were caught up with the Oblivion Crisis, really. Nobody was worried about me magically being able to wear the Amulet because Martin was there, and when he crushed the amulet and sacrificed himself, it slipped our minds entirely.”

Hm.

“If the amulet were still around, would you wear it and rule Tamriel?”

She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head.

“Kaidan. I don’t age - I’d be sitting on the throne until the world ends. It wouldn’t be right. It'd be better to put it on a kwama than have me wear it.”

“Fair point.”

She then stands up and begins packing, and I get up to do the same. We have a long trip ahead of us - best to get going early.


	13. Stories and Superstitions, part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Split this in two so it reads easier. Enjoy!

As the door to the Vilemyr inn opens, I begin to bitch.

“Twelve wolves. Twelve of them! B’vehk, don’t the Nords ever hunt those damn things? Cull their numbers?”

Kaidan chuckles and sits in a chair by the fire, and I do the same.

“Eh, it’s actually considered bad luck to kill a wolf by some. Ever heard of Sai?”

“Sahan?”

“No, the god of luck.”

I shake my head.

“Well, Sai was a man who could spread luck to everyone but himself. He became a soldier, and during his first battle, he died just as it was won.”

“N’chow!”

“Yup. Ebonarm, the old god of war, offered him immortality if he agreed to spread luck around, said the gods were too busy making events happen, and that Sai could make up for what they couldn’t do. Sai agreed, and was told he could keep his body for a bit before it faded. He became a wanderer to make good on his promise, and met an unlucky woman named Josea here in Skyrim. He married this woman, and they had a little girl. While he stayed in Skyrim, he brought prosperity to the country, and the Nords drove out the snow elves and conquered parts of Morrowind.”

“Eventually, his visits became few and far between, and on the last day he showed up, Josea overheard him arguing with Mara and Ebonarm. They told him that he couldn’t stay in Skyrim anymore, as he was neglecting the other countries and it was getting rough for those people, and that he could visit his family in spirit once a year. Well, Sai begged Mara for a body, and she let him take on the shape of a wolf every now and then. Sai then went and said his goodbyes and told them they’d see him once a year. It’s said that it took him one hundred and fifty years to fix things. People in Skyrim still respect him, so they try not to kill wolves out of fear of accidentally killing Sai, so yes we do have a bit of a wolf problem.”

I smile.

“That’s actually pretty sweet, if you can get past him not being able to see his family all that often. Thank you, that was really enlightening.”

He grunts and takes a swallow of his ale.

“Any other stories from Skyrim?”

“I’m a swordsman, not a skald.”

“I can see that, but I don’t know much about this place, and you’re the only one I can talk to, really.”

He groans aloud in mock exasperation.

“Fine, fine. Gonna have me singin’ up and down the bloody dell someday, huh?”

“Maybe I will, Khena.”

“What’s that suppos-”

I hear someone raise their voice, and I turn my head to listen to the Innkeeper and his bard argue.

“Listen, I think I saw it again. That… ghost. I saw it at the barrow.”

“That thing’s evil, Lynly! I told you to keep away from there!”

“I’m sorry, I was curious… I didn’t believe the stories. I won’t go over there ever again.”

“See that you don’t. I promised to keep you safe, and I’m not going to break my word.”

Ghosts? Really?

I stand up and head to the very distressed innkeeper.

“What’s this I hear about ghosts?”

“The barrow up on the hill’s haunted. Bad for business. Look, I’ve seen one of the spirits with my very own eyes. When it glared at me, I swear it burned right through my soul.”

“They ever come into Ivarstead?”

“Fortunately, they seem to be sticking to the Barrow. I think they’re guarding it. Certainly isn’t helping my business any; who’d want to rent a room anywhere near a haunted barrow?”

And there it is - the chance for easy money.

“Anything I can do?”

“If you think there’s anything you can do, be my guest.”

I turn around and run right into Kaidan, and suddenly my heart is roaring in my ears for no damn reason.

He smells… good...

Mephala’s tits, where in Oblivion did that come from!?

I step back and run a hand down my face to hide the blush I’m sure is there.

And yet, he brushes it off like it never happened.

“So, we are going ghost hunting?”

“I think so. The edge of your sword is silvered, yes?”

“Yup. Ready to go.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Khena is a title given to scholars and teachers, so she is poking fun at him here, not flirting...  
> yet.


	14. Stories and Superstitions, part 2

We leave the inn and immediately head up to the barrow. She hasn’t said a word after she ran into me. I hadn’t meant to stand so close - didn’t realize ‘till it was too late, and it shook the lass I think.

We step inside, and I see an urn. I reach down to get to get the coins from it, only for her to start yelling at me.

“Put that down! N’chow! Can’t the dead be left to rest?”

“I don’t follow…”

“When you take the gold and gems from an urn or offering table, you are taking gifts from the family of the dearly departed. It’s wrong, Kaidan.”

“Sorry, I hadn’t thought of that…”

“As long as it doesn’t happen again, it’s fine. I understand the temptation, but really it is better to leave it be.”

We continue forward until I see her stop and peer around a corner. I then hear a voice that was certainly NOT Lucille…

“Leave this place… leave this place… leave… leave… leave…”

She walks back to me trying her damndest not to laugh. What was so funny?

“Kaidan, that’s not a ghost.”

“What do you mean?”

“Ghosts don’t have heartbeats. This one does. It isn’t a ghost - It’s some fetcher playing pretend to keep people from coming in.”

Shit, she can hear heartbeats?

“Damn mages.”

“Come on, I don’t even need to use Trueflame on this s’wit.”

We track this guy deeper into the barrow, and she quickly puts an arrow in his head. The magic that made him look like a ghost dissipated, and all we saw was a dead Dunmer, which she promptly began praying over. Soon, he turned to ash, and she found an empty urn to put his ashes in.

This woman is strange.

“Sorry. It is wrong to let a Dunmer rot - even the scum. It is better to return them to the ashes from whence they came.”

Damn. Wonder how many Dunmer I have done dirty… glad she’s around to do the right thing. She usually does.

She then looks around the room and finds the bastard’s journal.

“Come on, let’s get this to the innkeeper.”

\----------------------------------------------------

I give the journal to the innkeeper and watch with a small amount of amusement as he realizes he and the rest of the town have been tricked.

“This was all a fabrication by this Wyndelius character? I can’t believe we were so stupid! Well, least I can do is give you something for taking care of him. If you won’t accept it as payment, consider it a gift.”

He leans down and pulls something out from under the counter, then places it on the bar. It is a beautiful claw, much like the one from Bleak Falls Barrow, but it was silver and had three long claws made of sapphires.

Jackpot, twice over.

“Kaidan, know what this is?”

I hand it to him with an excited grin on my face and watch as he tries to figure it out.

“Dunno. What is it?”

“A key! Bleak Falls Barrow had one made of solid gold - the place I got the dragonstone. Here, we passed by a door that led to the Hall of Stories. I bet a fat sack of coin that there is a puzzle door there. Come on!”

Now, I never pass up an adventure. I will not lie - the likelihood of facing the undead scares the hell out of me, but I am not going to admit that.

On the way to the barrow, Kaidan pipes up behind me.

“Oi. What does Kee-nah mean?”

“Khena? It is a term used to address scholars and teache- Hey!”

He caught up to me and jabbed me with an elbow with a playful smile on his face. I jokingly punch his pauldron and he then looms over me like a bull netch does when protecting its herd, but with a grin.

“You pickin’ a fight?”

The low timbre of his voice hits me square in the chest, and I suddenly can’t breathe. The only time I felt this way was… oh.

Boethia’s tits and balls, I can NOT be falling for him! No! No, he swore a debt to me, one he really did not have to, and it would be wrong.

He laughs and takes the lead toward the barrow, leaving me to stew.

Fuck.

\-----------------------------------------------------

Clunk...  
Clunk...  
Clunk...  
Grind.

“Careful - those doors were more often used to keep things in, not out.”

“Please… don’t remind me.”

I step forward into the dark hallway and around the bend I see sarcophagi. I motion to Kaidan to catch up, and when he does, we hear a metal gate fall behind us.

Oh shit.

One by one, the sarcophagi burst open. I draw Trueflame and make quick work of one of the draugr, while another tries to sneak up on me. I spin and raise my shield just as I detected it and slid across the stone floor with the impact of its battleaxe.

Kaidan has already dealt with the other two, and I ram my shield into the draugr in front of me just as he runs his blade through it.

“You okay? Usually I’m the one not gettin’ to fight.”

“I’m fine, just not really fond of the undead…”

“Oh. My weakness is women, really.”

WHAT?

“Not like that! Just easier to let my guard down around them when we aren’t in danger. Well, at least I used to. Not anymore.”

I turn around and thank Azura for the fact my helmet comes with a mask and goggles, then set off to find the release to the gates. I find it and pull it, and we advance deeper into the crypt.

Soon, we enter a vast chamber with many more sarcophagi, and predictably they all start popping open. We whittle away their numbers, and finally the last one opened. It stood, and it looked just like the one from Bleak Falls Barrow. I see it look at Kaidan and inhale, and before I know it, I am on top of it, tearing it open with my claws.

It falls dead with a growl, and I try to calm down. Where’s Kaidan? Is he okay? Are there any more?

“Easy now, you remember me, right?”

Oh, thank Azura!

I turn and look at him, and he looks nervous, but not actually afraid, and I then look over at where I was standing.

Ugh. Not again...

I run to see my netch leathers on the ground, and I check the damage...

Miraculously, they only tore at the seams - I remember commissioning Grendis to do that should something like this ever happen.

\----------------------------------------

I saw the sarcophagus burst open, and I saw it take a breath. I was prepared to be thrown against a wall, but it never came. In its place stood a werewolf with tan and brown fur, holding the draugr's shriveled heart in its hand. It drops it, then places its hand over its muzzle, like it was trying to get its bearings.

Lucille.

“Easy now, you remember me, right?”

She turns to look at me with bright yellow eyes that almost glowed in the darkness, and it was almost like she let out a sigh of relief. She then looked past me, and then ran to where she was before.

Oh no… her armor…

She was inspecting the seams, and from what I could tell, she did not tear any of the actual leather.

“All good?”

She nods, then walks around a pillar.

I try to follow, but she snarls, so I stay rooted in place. After a few moments she speaks up.

“Kaidan…? I think I have a shirt and a pair of pants in my bag, can you bring them here please..?”

Oh gods… of all the places and times…

I run to her bag and find exactly what she was asking for, then bring them over to her. I maneuver my arm around the pillar and she takes them from my hand. A few moments later she comes back into view and I nearly shit myself. So THAT'S what she looked like in common clothes...?

She cocks a brow. 

“What’s the matter, Swordsman? Never seen a woman out of armor?”

What the hell?! Calm down, calm down, she can hear heartbeats, idiot! This has to be some sort of test, has to be.

“You trying to give me a stroke, woman?”

“Sounds like a heart attack actually, but that’s fine too.”

Fuckin'…

She walks over to the tattered pile of armor and groans as she packs it into her bag. 

“Although irritating, this is going to be easy to sew back together… thank Azura I always keep a needle and thread on me.”

Focus. Come on, focus!

We walk in silence to the next room, and there is a chest ready for plunder, and I almost get it open…

“Kaidan! Stop!”

She pushes me out of the way and spikes drop from the ceiling, right where I was standing.

“Shit. That would have hurt.”

“Let’s just get this and get out of here.”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

As he grabs everything from the chest, I gather the gear laid out in front of it. There, I find an enchanted axe, shield, a potion, and a pretty bronze amulet with a turquoise stone in the middle. I feel an enchantment on it, and resolve to figure it out at some point. I put it on and drop it under my shirt, then pack away everything else.

As we leave, I feel a pull, and find myself face to wall with more of those glowing runes. I shrug and walk away from it, leaving a very puzzled Kaidan to follow behind me. I don't know either.

I lead him to the inn, pay for a room, and fall in the bed, already asleep the moment my head hits the pillow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like me, she flirts in self defense - makes people not look you in the face. Handy if you turn red, yeah? The moon-and-star also boosts her speech skill, so while she sounded confident, she was just as flustered as Kaidan.
> 
> Oh, and we all know that amulet, right?


	15. Good morning, have a Vision!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suggest checking out Romantic_Khajiit, Kissa_kitty0325, and Gnewna - Fantastic writers. They deserve a look, too!

Clank!

“Damn it kid, can you not leave anything alone?”

Kaidan?

I smell fire. Brimstone. Oil and brass… A dwemer ruin. Which one? It smells faintly of home… Why?

“Sorry, sorry! I just get curious sometimes, is that alright with you, you brute?”

Davidicus? What...?

“If you two don’t stop bickering, I will make sure to only take one of you at a time when we get out of here. I can't deal with this right now.”

Why am I trying not to cry?

“Lucille, you and I both know you won’t do a damn thing, because you need them.”

“Ata, I just need them to shut up.”

What is going on here?! Teldryn?!

We approach a doorway and I freeze.

“No. No, please no, anything but that, no, no!”

There, set into the harsh stonework and brass of the Dwemer, is an Oblivion gate, dormant, but ready to open. I hear my name being called, but distant, and I turn to run, but I am faced with pitch black, and I suddenly realize I am falling, flailing to catch onto something, anything!

I land on my feet outside a little tavern in a pine wood, and I turn to see Kaidan beside me, eager to go in and have a drink. We enter, and my eyes immediately land on a young man in the attire of a noble, playing with a little sphere of Dwemer make. He has straw colored hair and light blue eyes, and looks to be about eighteen years old, give or take. He looks so familiar...

I step forward, and…

“Lucille, come on, snap out of it! Yes, she might need some water. Come on, lass…”

I open my eyes and see Kaidan leaning over me with a very concerned look on his face, and I am gripping onto him in turn.

“Thank the divines. Are you okay? You cried out, and I couldn’t wake you!”

Oh. OH!

“Yes. Yes, I’m fine, Swordsman…” I sit up, rubbing my temples and wiping the beads of sweat from my brow. He looks at me incredulously, and I realize I must explain.

“My Lady’s gifts are often intense. N’chow… they never tell me much though. Always vague, but they always happen.”

He looks more confused for a moment, but then it clicks.

“You have visions?”

“Yes, always have. I knew I would meet Teldryn long before he did, and I told you of my vision of Katie. Had one before I reached Skyrim showing a landscape lit by stars, but shrouded in mist, and off in the distance I see a long mead hall made of stone. Sometimes Azura decides she needs to nudge me in a certain direction, though I am not entirely sure I want anything to do with this one…”

The innkeeper shows up and places a glass of water in my hands, which I greedily down in a few short moments. Kaidan pulls a chair from across the room and sits down, eyeing me with curiosity.

“What’d you see?”

Ash. Fire. Blood. Daedra. No. I saw a dormant gate, not the crisis...

“I don’t… I don’t really want to talk about it, ser.”

I reach over and pull my tattered armor and sewing kit from my bag, and begin to mend where I tore out of it in Shroud Hearth barrows. 

“So, Swordsman, you were telling me your story the other day…”

He shifts uncomfortably in the chair.

“Aye?”

“You should know by now I won’t hold anything against you. You can talk to me about it.”

He looks down at my busied hands, working away at binding together the plates of boiled netch leather with ease. I have had much practice - this used to happen a lot more back in Cyrodiil. I could do it blindfolded.

“It’s nothing to be proud of, but considering they were my mistakes to make, perhaps I shouldn’t deny them. I didn’t handle things well after Brynjar’s death, and inherited some of his worse habits. The drink. The moon sugar. One day blurring into another. I fell into what I thought was a band of outlaws. People like me, people who seemed to be born on the path of destruction and death.”

He sat there, silently mulling over his next words, like he was trying to spare me of something, but he then looked at me and decided against it.

“They called themselves the Blooded Dawn. Followers of a Daedric prince. I foolishly wanted to taste that power, and I learned the price.”

That sounds familiar…

“But you got away from all that…”

“How I got free is a long and painful tale. One I shouldn’t burden you with. Now that I am free, I try to keep my eyes and mind on more earthly matters. One of the reasons why I’m in Skyrim digging up my past. I’ve learned that if you feel you have no place in the world, you must make one.”

“N’chow… sorry you had to go through all that.”

He then smiles, which makes my heart stop for a moment. 

“I’m not.”

What?

“Why’s that?”

“Because it set me on the path that met with yours. How could I be sorry for myself when I’m so grateful for that?”

Oh Azura, please help me.

I pitch my voice low, and before I can stop myself…

“Going soft on me, Swordsman? Never thought I’d see the day.”

He flushes and turns away to cough. I am such a s’wit! He recovers quickly, though for some odd reason his heart is pounding in his chest.

“Nah, not gettin' soft, just thought it was time to feed your ego a bit..."

"Hey, didn’t know it was that easy to fix!”

I look down, and sure enough, my armor was completely repaired. Muscle memory is better than sujamma sometimes!

“Made that way, for incidents like that in the barrow. Usually the seams tear, saving the plates.”

“Did you do that?” he asks with an air of wonder.

“No, I wish. Grendis Rolovo - one of the finest armorsmiths in Morrowind, though he specializes in Chitin and Netch Leather. Took a lot of coin to keep him quiet about this project though!”

He laughs and stands up, and I do the same.

“Let me get this on and I’ll be ready to go. Would you be willing to pick up some food for us?”

“Aye - don’t be long.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yes, we all know who she saw. When will she meet him? Let's find out!


	16. Seven Thousand Heartbeats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff. Lots of it. Drowning it it, you might say!
> 
> Yeah, this is coming to me too easily, and I knew I had to get it down before I forgot it.

She hasn’t said a word to me after we left the inn, and it’s starting to worry me. What did she see in that vision of hers? Or did I say something stupid again?

“Lucille? Are you alright?”

She stops and brings her hand up to her mouth, chewing on her nails. She then turns to look at me with an odd expression written across her face.

“How do you feel about travelling with me, Swordsman?”

Odd... What’s got her worried?

“It’s been a long time since I knew someone I could trust. Longer still since I could call them friend. I’m glad to have met you. Why?”

She looks terrified for a moment or two, but gets her bearings quickly.

“What I saw… I am scared. I know I shouldn’t be - it’s just one, but…”

“Lucille, what’d you see that’s got you so worked up?”

“We were in a Dwemer ruin... I heard you bickering with Davidicus, but that’s impossible - he would never leave Lyra alone in the Imperial city. I also heard Teldryn…”

“Come on, spit it out. Can’t help you if you try to talk around it.”

Suddenly, she starts to cry.

“I led us down a stone corridor, and… there was an Oblivion gate. Right there, and the ruin was built around it. It was completely intact... it could have opened at any moment. I know I can’t disobey Azura, but…”

Her walls come crashing down, and I find myself holding her once again, trying to soothe this pain I could never possibly wrap my head around. Fate is cruel sometimes, and it sure likes to toy with her.

“Hey, listen… you’ve made it this far, and you are not alone. I’m here. I won’t let anything happen to you. Besides, we make a pretty good team, you and I, and if there were others, I don’t doubt we can close an oblivion gate if it comes to that.”

She sniffles and looks up at me with those pretty eyes of hers, and I found I couldn’t hear her thank me. I think I figured out my issue… Why I can’t seem to take my eyes off her, or why she is the only woman that manages to make me blush nowadays...

Shor’s bones. I thought I saw her as just a friend, but now I know I want more. I’ve been wanting more, and I was too dim to realize it.

Brynjar’s gonna rise from the dead and kill me.

Just then, we hear a series of grunts and hoots that served to only confuse her but spelled trouble for me. There, on top of an overhang, was a frost troll, and by the time we ready our bows, it has leapt down and started charging at Lucille.

“Oi! Don’t use that dagger of yours - it is weak to fire!”

“Juohn! On it!”

Weird woman with her weirder words.

As she draws her sword, I watched as flames enveloped the blade in a rolling wave, and when she swung it at the troll, the flames billowed out from it like a bright orange banner.

“Huh. Didn’t know magic could be that… pretty.”

My comment must have caught her by surprise, as she accidentally lowered her shield just as the troll swung its fist, hitting her and throwing her a few feet into a nearby snowbank. I ran forward and brought my blade down on top of its head with a sickening crack, and when I was sure it was dead, I ran to check on her as she pulled herself up from the snow.

She said something, but I didn’t hear her.

There, resting on the breastplate of her armor, was an amulet of Mara. I couldn’t move, and I was very sure she could hear my heartbeat with the way she was looking at me.

\----------------------------------------------

“N’chow! Whatever that was, it hits harder than a kagouti! I’m actually impressed! What was that thing?”

I stand up and brush off the snow dusting my leathers, then notice the amulet I found in that barrow had fallen out. Must’ve been quite a hit I took - Azura knows that’s gonna hurt in the morning. I tuck the amulet back into my tunic with a smile.

Then, the sound of Kaidan’s racing heart drew me from my thoughts, and when I looked at him, he was paler than a Nord’s ass.

“Something wrong? I’m not hurt, am I?”

He shakes his head. Why’s he so frightened?

“You’re wearing an amulet of Mara? I had no idea you were looking for marriage…”

Again, WHAT?

“I… What? What do you mean?”

For some reason, my response seemed to settle him down, but he still looked quite nervous.

“That amulet you’re wearing. You do know people in Skyrim wear those to show they’re in the market for a husband or wife, right?”

“Mephala’s tits! I just thought it looked good!”

He then lowered his voice, and his heart started pounding again.

“It certainly does, on you. Bound to get you a lot of attention.”

Tits. Tits and balls and Boethia’s daedric scepter tied in a knot, I know he did not just say that. I am probably reading this all wrong.

“I… maybe? Maybe I am hopeful I can find someone to love…”

He looks surprised, and by now I can’t hear anything over my own heart for the millionth time since meeting this man. He looks calm, maybe he’s fine. I really hope I didn’t just scare him off.

“Oh... It can be a lonely life, but don’t go throwing your cap over the windmill for just anybody. People ‘round these parts will marry for any old reason. You deserve much more than that.”

Don’t do it, Lucille… don’t say it…

“How… do you feel about me?”

Fuck! 229 years on Nirn and you still haven’t learned to close your bloody mouth! S’wit!

He’s stunned, like he just got the wind knocked out of him. Oh, I have definitely scared him off, for sure. My heart is still all I can hear, and for the life of me I cannot tell what I have done to my poor companion. Finally, by the grace of Azura, he manages to cough out something.

“Our bond is forged in battle. I’m glad to have met you.”

The only thing that has saved me from myself and my reddened face is my helmet and the enchantment on the Moon-and-Star.

Azura, what in Oblivion is happening to me?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Juohn - "Thanks"
> 
> As I'm sure you've figured out, she uses a lot of dunmeris or their slang. 
> 
> https://casualscrolls.fandom.com/wiki/Dunmeri_language
> 
> This will help you very soon, if you don't want to wait around to find out her next slip up!


	17. Words of Power

Why’s this woman torturing me like this - is it that obvious? Do I look funny when I blush? Is this some kind of test? Damn.

I look ahead at her as she walks up to the monastery, trying not to drop my eyes down to look at the rest of her. The most powerful woman in the world… I am probably one of thousands wanting her attention, wanting her touch.

I understood from the moment I first saw her outside that prison that she was an attractive woman. Anyone could see that - I just wasn’t expecting it to cause problems for me. But no, it’s not just that, is it? She cares, and cares deeply. Not many people left in the world that care like she does.

I find I have not paid attention to a damn thing until I hear her shouting at these spectral greybeards, nearly blowing out my eardrums.

“That shout looks like a quick way to end an argument…”

I zone out again, and only when I hear that we are being sent to an ancient tomb to fetch the horn of Jurgen Windcaller do I finally come back to reality.

Damn it, get ahold of yourself.

Wish it was her who had ahold of me…

Nope. I need an ale and a book, not that. She’s a just a friend.

I walk off to find the library. These monks have to have one here, right? I soon find what I am looking for and pull a random book from one of their shelves. 'The Cabin in the Woods,' it’s called. Sounds interesting.

I read for a good while, and soon I see a pair of fingers curl themselves over the top of the open book and pull it from my view, revealing a very excited Lucille staring back at me. Can I not catch a break?

“Hey, lemme see your sword for a moment, ser.”

Now, if it were anyone else, they would not have been able to lay a finger on it, but not only did I trust her, she was clearly up to something, so I pulled it from its place on my back and handed it to her.

She then held it up, and at first I was confused, until I look behind me and see a banner with runes that look an awful lot like that word wall we came across in that barrow… those runes look a lot like the ones on my sword, too, come to think of it…

“Those runes on your sword are definitely in the dragon language. Look - same writing style, and some of the runes look just like the ones on the banner!”

She hands my sword back to me with a smile that stole the air from my lungs.

Shor’s beard, she actually found something!

“It is? Strange, that they would write in dragon, and not Akaviri. Can you translate it?”

She then looked defeated and shook her head.

“I’m afraid not, Swordsman. Apologies…”

“Damn. Maybe one of the Greybeards know, or those mages up in Winterhold. There’s also a rare book written on the subject. Dragon Language: Myth no more. Maybe that could help too?”

She then thinks for a moment, pondering over our every option, then shakes her head.

“I doubt the Greybeards will be much help until we get that horn, and from my experience with the Telvanni, I don’t really want to go traipsing into a college full of mages, being a very interesting test subject and all. I think our best bet is that book.”

I want to hear that story, someday...

“Fair enough. Ready to go?”

“Not yet. All that shouting business has really worn me out. I think we should rest here for a bit.”

I shrug.

“Seems like a safe place to spend the night.”

She then sits down in the chair beside me and starts chewing her bottom lip.

Quit doing that, please…

“I’m surprised someone like you isn’t taken.”

Actually, now that I think of it, I prefer the lip chewing. Come on, think of something to say to her…

I let out a feigned chuckle

“Must be my sparkling personality. Truth is, a quiver is easy enough to come by, but I’ve got my sights set higher than that.”

She suddenly erupts into a fit of laughter, and I can’t help the blush that creeps up my face. Damn it, woman…

“Quiver, really?”

“Well, what else do you want me to call it!”

I make to get up, but she catches me by the elbow and sits me down.

“Nuh uh, you are not getting out of this one, Kaidan - who’s the lucky lady you have your sights set on?”

Wait… she doesn’t know? Guess she wasn't kidding about her obliviousness...

“Ah, it’s nothing… never mind it.”

She then reveals a toothy grin that would spell danger to anyone else, but I know this woman - she won’t do anything to me. Maybe it’s just her wolf showing.

“Lucky lady.”

\--------------------------------------------

I suddenly find myself wanting to run this woman to the hills, but I remind myself that not only would that be a dick move, but Kaidan also deserves a chance at happiness, and I don’t own him.

I turn to him and ask the next seemingly logical question, despite every part of me screaming not to.

“Ever been in love, Malkhesah?”

Oh Azura, why did I call him that? Why’d I ask that question? What am I doing? What is wrong with me?

His face twists in confusion at the word and asks the question anyone would ask, if they weren't native to or raised in Morrowind.

“What’s that word mean?”

“Just… answer the question, Swordsman.”

“Okay… I thought I was, once or twice, when I was a lot younger, and a lot stupider. There was a noble girl I was sweet on when I was a lad. She was then married off to some courtier. Another lass who turned out to be… trouble. Lust, or infatuation it might have been, but I wouldn’t call it love.”

He then turns and looks at me with those gorgeous red eyes...

“What about you? Ever been shot with that arrow?”

An oddly bittersweet feeling fills my heart, only for it to be replaced with just bitterness.

“Well, you know about Martin, but there was another before him. A Bosmer, named Fargoth. We would write back and forth after we met in Seyda Neen. We were just kids, but one day he visited, and apparently ‘No’ was not a satisfactory answer.”

“Need me to kill ‘em?”

Oh shit.

“Oh, Azura, I had no idea it sounded like that! No, not like that, Kai! He asked me to marry him, but I was not ready. He stormed off, and we never spoke again.”

“I was joking… mostly. Anyway, no doubt there’s someone far more deserving waiting out there for you.”

And yet, I am looking right at him.

Teldryn’s gonna kill him, isn’t he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapter is going to be a nuke - part of Lucille's past catches up to her, and apparently Azura does not take well to her failure to act on her vision.
> 
> Aside from that, a new friend joins Team Nerevarine/Dragonborn.


	18. Finding Flavius

When we reached the bottom of the mountain, I stumble. There was a flash… I did not really catch what I saw, but then it happened again, and with such force I nearly fell over the edge of the bridge, only for Kaidan to catch me.

In all my years, I have never had a vision while I was awake.

I saw it with a surprising amount of clarity, the inn I saw the young man at. This vision hurt like the lava of Red Mountain had just erupted from my eyes, and I don’t know if I was screaming or not. All I could hear was the wind in the surrounding pines, the laughter from inside the inn, and the creak of the sign outside, and I read it aloud, at least I think I did. Dead Man’s Drink. Kaidan is fussing over me like a mother guar, and while I appreciate his concern, it is only serving to irritate me.

It seems this is urgent, and my Lady is making that known to me by giving me another vision. While I was awake. Now I know why I was always asleep for such an event. N’chow. No. I cannot do what you ask, my Lady, not now. I cannot face another one… I’m not ready.

“Lucille…?”

“Just... give me a second, Kai…”

I hobble over to the Vilemyr inn, but before I even get the door open I feel a harsh tug southwest, and I nearly cry out in pain. Kaidan is once again by my side, trying to figure out my problem.

My Lady, please, for the love of…!

As if in response to my silent plea, the tug slackens, and I can finally think again, if just barely.

“Ash and ice, Fine! Kaidan, I’m sorry, but it looks like we cannot rest tonight. Azura is demanding I go fix something else that's wrong with this thrice-cursed planet.”

\------------------------------------------

Lucille has once again fallen into silence, and I can’t stand it. Something’s going on, and only she knows about it.

“Where are we going, Lucille? What happened back in Ivarstead?”

“Well, I have never had a vision while I was awake. I guess I took too long for my Lady’s tastes, or maybe Azura was unsure of the time limit until now. All I know is that we are headed to a tavern called “The Dead Man’s Drink.”

“I know that place. It’s in Falkreath. Small, for a hold, but the graveyard is massive.”

She shudders.

“I can’t imagine my body just… rotting away like that. No, I’d rather be made to ash, as is custom in Morrowind.”

“Why are we headed to the inn there? Has it got something to do with your other Vision?”

“Yes. I am certain. And I really hope what I saw was wrong.”

Damn woman and her cryptic messages.

She mentioned Davidicus when we were making the trek up the Throat of the World - Didn't she say he was the husband of her friend Lyra, the one she met in the Legion? She’s already seen an Oblivion gate in a vision, and she is further burdened by “The Chains of Fate” as she calls them. In my opinion, she wears them well. Can’t see anyone else being more responsible with the gift, but she has already seen so much, I don't blame her for resenting the position. I really hope this isn’t something from the Great War coming to haunt her, too.

While I am trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together, I don’t realize we are standing outside the inn until she nudges my arm. She looks at me with a worried glance, then to the swinging sign that hangs by the stairs to the inn.

I smile, trying to ease her nerves, and it does exactly as I’d hoped. She steps forward and walks in, and looks around with a confused look on her face. Is she looking for someone?

She is tense again, but then she sits at the bar, eagerly removing her helm as she brushes her hair out with her fingers, and I find myself wanting to touch it, too. I sit beside her and place a hand on her shoulder instead as I order us a round of drinks, hoping to take some of this pressure off of her.

“Are you alright?”

“If I’m going to be honest, Swordsman, not really.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“I’m not sure… I just don’t feel like myself…”

I didn’t realize I had grabbed her hand ‘till it was too late, but she didn’t shy away, so I gave her my best attempt at a reassuring squeeze.

“Maybe you just need to take a break from everything. Whatever’s going on, y’know, I’m there for you.”

She nods, if only barely, but then I notice some lad in noble attire approach with a nervous look on his face. She jumps then, startled by his presence, and then settles into the barstool with an odd mix of relief and resignation etched on her face.

“Excuse me, miss. I don’t normally do this, but… erm... have you got a moment to talk?”

She looks at me with a silent pleading in her eyes, then turns back to face this kid, eying his attire.

“What’s on your mind, sera?”

“Right… here goes. My name is Lucien. Lucien Flavius-”

She drops her tankard, but then hurriedly cleans it up, trying to mask a look of terror on her face.

“Oh my, are you alright, miss?”

“Yes, yes, I am fine, sedura… please continue.”

Fine, my ass. I place a hand on her back to remind her I am here, and find it oddly relieving to find she leans into my touch.

“Alright, then... I’m a scientist, philosopher, amateur wizard, and something of a musician, though I suppose that’s more of a hobby. I couldn’t help but noticing that you and your friend here seem… how can I put this… well acquainted with the less savory side of Skyrim?”

“We’ve seen some sh… We’ve seen a thing or two. Do you need help with something?”

What are you doing, woman..?

“As a matter of fact, I do! I’m here in Skyrim on an expedition - academic, mainly. I find the province simply fascinating! The flora, the fauna, the ruins - both Dwemer and Nordic - the architecture, the politics… Trouble is, I’m not really much of a fighter. I know a few spells, and can just about swing a sword, but beyond that I’m pretty useless in combat!”

See, you don’t say that to just anyone, dressed like a noble. You’re likely to get nipped for your coinpurse. Kid’s lucky she has morals and she’d easily kick my arse if I tried anything. Then again, I'm not about that life anymore.

“Skyrim’s no place for a… ‘milk drinker’ like me - not on my own, anyway! So I’m looking for someone to travel with.”

She stiffens, and her voice hardens like stone.

“No. I’m not a s’wit - this place is dangerous, and I myself have almost been killed several times here.. I will not risk a Flav-”

“Ah, but I’d have you and your friend to protect me! And I imagine I might pick up a thing or two from you both before long. Come on, what do you say?”

She then looked away from him and at the countertop, and I immediately saw what she has been trying to hide - A soft, tender look in her eyes, which was quickly concealed once again by her false air of haughty indifference as she made eye contact once again.

Don’t tell me she’s falling for this kid’s games…

“I’m listening, but only for the sake of curiosity.”

“Well, what I’m asking is, would you awfully mind if I… tag along? I will of course compensate you most handso-”

“How much, sedura?”

Bullshit. She’s trying to show she doesn’t give a damn.

“Oh, shall we say, three hundred Septims up front? After that, I’ll top you up every time we come across something useful to my research. At your discretion, of course. No obligations, save that you take me with you, and assist in keeping me alive wherever possible.”

“Fine. But keep half the coin - you will need it for armor.”

“Are you sure? I-”

“Sedura, how will you ever pay me if you end up dead? Your mother would- Look, I need to talk this over with my friend here. In the meantime, my name is Lucille. Good to meet you.”

She then gets up and leads me by the arm to a dark corner of the tavern.

She turns to look at me, and if that look of fear, pride, horror, and amazement that colored her face at the same time was anything to go by, I’d say she knows the kid.

\-------------------------------------

I sit at a table, trying to process her reaction to me… no, my name! She knew my last name, and it frightened her quite terribly! To make matters worse, she looked so familiar! I know I have seen her somewhere, but I can’t seem to place where I might have met her. But how could I ever forget an Imperial with that color hair and a Dunmer accent? And I don’t know if I saw things right, but it almost looked like her eyes were purple, or at least partially! I would know if I have met her before, and yet…

Hang on - she almost said something about my mother!

I remember it then. A little painting in my parent’s room, of my mother drinking and laughing with a friend. I remember her telling me the story of this friend she made in the Great War, and how she saved her life.

She can’t be - she’d be as old as my mother. I push the thought from my head and resolve to write to my father. He deserves to know I finally found not one, but two travelling companions!

\---------------------------------------

“So you're telling me that this lad is your friend’s son, and you decided to not only take his money but drag him along with us to Ustengrav?”

I groan.

“Kaidan, if I didn’t take his money, he’d know something was amiss. He talks and thinks just like his father, and yet he looks more like Lyra than I can even comprehend! That’s a scary blend, if he also has his mother’s temper! And the fact I reacted to the boy being NAMED after me is bad enough!”

“If his mother and father know, why can’t he?”

“That’s just it, Kai - only Lyra knows, because she knows just how much I hate being the center of attention.”

He nods, obviously trying to think of something we can do.

“Well, I’ll be honest - I was starstruck for a bit. You made quite a name for yourself - it only makes sense that people will react to your identity like that. But you reminded me that you were just a person trying to get on with your life, and that made it a bit easier, so maybe you should do the same for him.”

I sigh. He’s right; I can’t do that to him. The boy deserves to know who he is travelling with.

I walk up to the boy as he is writing a letter, presumably to his parents, and I gingerly place the Moon-and-Star in front of him, and I watch as he freezes, ink bleeding into the parchment he was writing on. He’s bright - he immediately recognized it! He turned to look at me, and could barely get out more than a squeak.

“So… you really do know my mother..?”

“That I do, boy. Come with us - I’ll tell you everything.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, that's bound to shake anyone up!
> 
> I promise, it does get easier for my girl eventually!
> 
> And yes, she will return the gold, haha.


	19. Waters of Life, Tears of Death

So, I learned that my mother is not only very good friends with the Nerevarine herself, she named me after her, and I have the honor of travelling with her! She seems a bit sour, but after what she told me about her past, I can’t really say I blame her. That’s got to be painful.

I don’t like how she is tugging at the buckles of my new armor though!

“Careful! I can’t breathe!”

She groans and rolls her eyes at me.

“Lucien, you can breathe. You have to get used to it. You don’t want some s’wit who thinks he grew a pair to get the jump on you and not have anything to save your skin.”

Aw, fine.

“Wait, what are you doing with my sword?”

“This is probably only good for shelling oysters or cracking kwama eggs, and judging by the way you complain, boy, you have never faced combat. You need something lighter to start with. Here.”

She then hands me a marvelous elven dagger from her belt and gingerly hands it to me.

“Lose it, and I will gut you. Clear?”

“Yep. Absolutely clear. I will not lose it. Ever.”

Why’s she looking at me like I just grew a second head?

“Well? You going to put it on your belt or not?”

Oh! My bad. I put it on, and she gives me an appraising eye, then turns to her massive companion.

“I don’t know, Kai. Think he can handle himself?”

“Of course I can! I can do whate-”

“Boy, you have not seen shit. This isn’t some book, this is the harsh reality. Your mother would know better than even I would. Come here.”

She then holds my arms out, and measures my wingspan like some trophy bird, then lets me go. She takes a piece of parchment and putting down equations that made Kaidan’s eyes go wide.

She then picks a bow from the wall, and pays the blacksmith for it.

“Draw back on it. Don’t release it, or so help me I will pop you upside the head faster than you can pull a coin from your purse.”

“Wait, why not?”

The huge man pipes up.

“Can damage your bow. Best to have an arrow when you release the string.”

I reluctantly draw back, and I find out that I can do it! I did it!

“Best to anchor here…”

She then moves my hand that is holding the bowstring to my jaw, then starts fussing again.

“N’chow! How many fingers do you use to draw a bow?”

“I’m sorry?”

She groans, then plucks my little finger off the string, and then looks at my feet, kicking them apart a good bit. She then has me bend my knees a little bit, step forward, and then has me hold this position for a while.

“Come on, Lucille, my arms hurt!”

“Fine. Slowly release your draw.”

I seem to have misunderstood, and released the string, earning myself a solid pop to the back of the head and a tender forearm.

“Didn’t I tell you not to release the string without an arrow? And look, you gave yourself string slap. N’chow. Hand it here.”

She then looks over the arms of the bow and hands it back to me with a relieved look on her face.

“You got lucky. When you release the draw, you keep the string in your fingers and slowly push it back to the belly of the bow.”

“Oh! That makes sense! Apologies.”

She smiles, finally!

“Everyone starts somewhere. Come on, you earned yourself an ale. We will work on this more later.”

\----------------------------------------

I’m not sure I like this kid, but if Lucille is willing to tolerate him, so am I.

I watch her order our drinks and bring them over with a beautiful smile that, of course, made my heart race, earning myself an odd look.

She sits beside me, then looks at me with a question in those twilight eyes of hers.

“Kai, is everything alright?”

“Yes. Well, sort of - I’ve been meaning to speak to you.”

She raises a curious eyebrow.

“Of course, what’s wrong?”

Here goes…

“When we first began travelling together, it was because I promised to repay a life debt to you. After every battle we’ve been through, some might say that debt has long since been discharged.”

She then looked terrified and hurt, and I couldn’t figure out why until she choked out,

“You want to leave?”

Shor’s bones, no! Never!

“No, no… that’s not what I was getting at. I’ve been on my own a long time, without anyone I felt I could trust, or any place to really belong. Since I’ve met you that’s started to change.”

I grab her hand, and she flinches, but doesn’t object, more out of curiosity and a desire to be supportive than a desire to be touched. I need to stop doing that… I apologize and remove my hand, and she waves the situation off like a fly.

“There are many ways to save a life, Lucille and you’ve saved mine in more than I can explain. Finally I’m carving out a future, and remembering what it means to care about someone enough that… you’d put their life before your own. I want to know if you still want me at your side, not as a mercenary under obligation, but as your friend, your ally.”

She smiles and hugs me, and for a brief moment I am shocked she had done so, but I don't let go.

“You have been my friend for a long time now, Malkhesah. There was no need to even ask.”

She backs away, and I smile.

“You still haven’t told me what that means…”

“Someday, Swordsman. Just not today.”

She gets up and whistles to Lucien, who was busying himself with a book in the corner.

“Come on, boy, we need to get to Riverwood before nightfall.”

What a woman.

\---------------------------------------------------------

We approach Helgen, and immediately I smell blood.

Ash. Fire. Smoke.

No. Not now.

We make our way to the gate, and as expected, there were bandits. I take out the first and gesture to Kaidan to shoot the s'wit from the tower, and I order Lucien to stay behind me. I cut through many of them, but unfortunately one bandit escapes my wrath and runs for Lucien.

Time slowed, and the boy drew the dagger I loaned him and thrust it out before him, stabbing the bandit in the heart. Time resumed, and when we cleared the place, I turned to see the boy white as parchment.

“Lucien?”

He looks at me, but it is like he sees through me. Kaidan and I share knowing glances, and I reach forward and lead this boy, my best friend’s son, through the carnage we have wrought.

“Tell me. Why did you stab him?”

He chokes.

“Because I would have been... killed, if I didn’t.”

“Kid, I want you to look at me, and tell me what you feel.”

He looks at me, and his eyes start welling with tears.

“I feel… I feel regret. Sadness…”

“That is a good thing. Anyone who tells you it gets easier is a bloody liar, and if they are honest, then they have no heart to speak of. To take a life is to take control from one of the eight or nine divines, whatever you believe. I think you call him Arkay? We as mortals are made to feel love and loss, pride and regret, joy and sadness. The reason you feel regret is because you recognize that man as a fellow soul. A fellow person. A person who has loved and lost, and felt all the same emotions we have. If you did not feel regret, there is something wrong. In this case, regret is a beautiful thing, because it reminds us that life is precious.”

“Then why do you and Kaidan do it so easily?”

“It gets easier to hide the regret, but not get rid of it. This is why you never ask a veteran why they earned certain medals. I promise you, he or she feels they do not deserve it. Come on, let’s get you out of here. And do not be ashamed to cry - I know you need to.”

He breaks then, waterfalls cascading from his eyes. I hold him then, allowing him to pour it out. I have done this for Katie, and for Lyra, and for Martin. I know. I know...

And Teldryn has done it for me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lucille is not very good at eye contact or physical contact unless it is on her terms, just like me. She can tell if a touch is meant to comfort her, but little moments like in this chapter with Kai are where it gets foggy for her, and she gets uncomfortable. This is why she was willing to go as far as hugging Kaidan, and also why he was surprised she had done so.
> 
> Kaidan has some... struggles, and Lucille goes off to hunt to ease her own, leaving Lucien to piece it together for himself. Lucien sends his letter.


	20. Primal Urges

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A lot in this chapter is worth rereading and remembering. Some are pieces to a big puzzle, you just have to collect them.

We arrived in Riverwood not too long after Helgen. Poor kid. The first time is the worst - and Lucille was honest. Didn’t spew that nonsense that “It was him or you,” she let him figure that part out on his own. I can tell she had given that speech before, but she never employs it on herself.

We never do.

I have never seen her soften to such a degree. She usually reminds me of Brynjar in some ways, and other times she is his polar opposite. I wonder if she sees him like a son or something, if not family. She seems like the type to throw people under her wing without a second thought, but that just makes her even more wonderful in my opinion.

She pulls open the door to the Sleeping Giant Inn and rents a room and a series of baths for us.

We each take turns, getting bathed and into our common clothes. Lucille steps out in a nightgown that hangs just to her knees, and makes for the room, and it takes everything in my power to focus on the back of her head as Lucien and I follow.

She opens the door and we are all faced with a single twin bed.

Lucien turns pink to his hairline and immediately claims the chair in the corner, and I have half a mind to throw him out of it, chair and all, but I manage to keep myself from doing it. So, it is just myself and Lucille. She looks at me with uncertainty, but then quickly boxes it away. She makes for the bed and sure enough, she starts snapping at me for readying myself to lay on the floor.

“I saw a roach here last time that was as big as a bloody scrib, you are not going to sleep on the floor! I’m not a bitch, Kai.”

Lucien snickers at that comment and she immediately hurls the pillow at his face with such force that it bounced off of him and hit the wall behind her, returning to the bed. I crack a smile and she is trying her hardest not to do the same. I’ll give the lad credit - it was kind of funny.

“We can be mature about this. I will pick up a bedroll in Whiterun once I get some of my gold from Breezehome.”

I grit my teeth and lay down in the bed facing the wall, and she turns her back to me and blows out the candle. She then settles into the bed and immediately falls asleep. Against my better judgement, I turn to look over at her.

Secunda’s light was shining into the rooftop window, illuminating her face. She usually looks so stern, trying to fool the world that she doesn’t give a shit, but now she looks calm… peaceful.

Beautiful.

I then remember I am in the same bed she's in and soon, I feel a very unfortunate guest appear, and I hurriedly turn back around in the bed, trying to calm down before I wake her from the sound of my heart alone.

\------------------------------------

I wake up with my back pressed against Kaidan’s, and immediately I can feel my face heat. Thank Azura he didn’t do anything in his sleep, like wrap his arm around me or hold me in any way or that I had done something to him, but we had drifted closer in the night.

I stand up from the bed and look down at him. His hair was spread over the pillow like a silky black flower, and he was snoring lightly. I looked at his back and suddenly found myself enraptured. He wears his scars well, much like a storybook was written on his body, and the amount of muscle this man has is astounding. My eyes travelled to what I could see of his face, and wished I could see his garnet colored eyes. By Azura, he really is a sight to behold - I find it interesting that he has no idea he is eyed by every woman we come across. Maybe he does? I don't know. I didn’t realize I was staring until he turned over onto his back and suddenly started feeling around for me, waking up with a start.

I hurriedly slipped out the door, then left the inn for a bit to do something about the fire that has suddenly been inside me.

I get a good distance away from Riverwood and pulled off my nightgown, setting it into a tree stump, then braced myself for the change.

Sometimes you just have to let it out, if you are cursed like me. It helps with many things, that kind of tension being one of them. Takes your mind off of it, and focuses you on the hunt. I don’t prefer this method, but right now I needed it.

A willful change does not hurt - just rolls over you like a wave of heat, and usually after a moment or two you have full control.

I run off, planning to return with a deer before sunrise.

\------------------------------------------

Why’d she run? I don’t understand! What did I do?

Idiot!

I run out of the inn to find her, accidentally waking Lucien in the process. When I find her, I find myself nailed to the spot I’m standing.

She folded her nightgown and bent down to put it in a tree stump, flashing me a glimpse of her petals. She wasn’t a dainty little thing, more on the lean side, and had curves that rivalled Dibella herself. She had a black tattoo of a strange insect on her hip, and her body was flecked with scars here and there, some from arrows, some from swords, and some from claws and teeth of various creatures, most notable was the bite from the werewolf on her waist. To top it off was a birthmark that looked a lot like a lyre sat between her shoulder blades. A few images of me kissing every single one of these little features flashed into my mind, and try as I might, I couldn’t look away.

Then, she clutches her chest, and begins to shift. It was interesting to watch, really - a wave of fur quickly enveloping her as she took on a more bestial shape. However, her body was burned into my mind and it was all I could focus on.

However, I am grateful to find I was not the reason she ran off, she just needed to hunt. I get it, I think. At least she is finally starting to accept it.

I walk into the inn and find Lucien staring at me from the steps with a worried look on his face.

“Oh uh, where’s Lucille?”

“She’s off hunting. She’ll be back shortly.”

“Hunting? At three in the morning?”

I raise my eyebrow and he then understands.

“Oh. Right.”

I shrug. “She hides it well. Easy to forget.”

Her body isn’t.

I walk inside and order some brandy. I need to get myself under control, but already I am shifting uncomfortably in my seat, trying to adjust to my latest problem that rose from the depths for the second time, which really makes it much more difficult to ignore.

How did this happen?

\-------------------------------------------

Those two are quite confusing. One second they can’t stop talking to one another, and the next they try to completely avoid any form of communication, but they can’t seem to be apart.

I’ve only seen this dynamic once before in college, and it lasted for months until…

Oh. Oh my, how adorable is that?! Aw, they'd totally be perfect for eachother. I hope they get it sorted soon, but it may take some outside force to push those two together, but I can't do it - it is impossible to talk to Kaidan. Anyway, they are horribly oblivious - if their feelings were snakes, they would have been bitten about a hundred times by now.

I walk out to the message board at the entrance to the inn and drop the letter to my father into the box. I accidentally ruined my last one - bled ink all down the page when Lucille told me who she was.

I’m not sure what to think of her, really. She’s a bit abrasive at times, but she obviously cares about us a lot. Guess it comes with the lifestyle, or maybe it's how she was raised. I still find it interesting that my mother named me after her - at least, the male version of the name. That would have been awkward if she used the feminine!

She saved my mother’s life, at the battle of the Red Ring, carried her on her back through the battle until she could heal her safely and get back to the fight. I didn’t believe my mother - the odds of a woman successfully carrying a person to safety through enemy lines is almost unheard of, hero or not. But now that I know she’s a werewolf, it makes so much more sense.

It’s fascinating, really - the transition of one organism into another. Oh, well, of course the issue with selling your soul to Hircine, or in Lucille’s case, being bitten is horrific and terribly sad, but the fact that it also enhances the physique of the human body is just as interesting.

I turn around, and when I look up, I almost scream.

Lucille just showed up in her wolf form, here, in Riverwood, to drop a dead doe beside the step of the inn, and walked off to the treeline.

I need to get Kaidan - I don’t know how to clean a deer! Oh, gods, are those bite marks?!

I think I’m gonna throw up...


	21. Put 'em Up, and then Sit the Fuck Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a taste of Lucille's temper. The longer the fuze, the bigger the boom, in my personal experience.
> 
> It's scary how much my character is like me, imo... 😅

“What do you mean, pull it out? With my HANDS?”

For the love of…

“Yes, Lucien. You must use your hands, like you have been this whole time.”

I watch as Lucien grabs the organs and tries not to vomit, and lifts them out of the deer carcass, and moves them aside. Has he never done this? Don’t the nobility go out and hunt with their fancy bows?

“Please…” He retches again and I roll my eyes.

“Nuh uh. You asked how it was done, I’m showin’ you how it’s done. We aren't servants."

“Why can’t you do it and I watch, Kaidan?”

“Because sometimes you gotta get your hands dirty. I find it odd that nobody’s ever taught you this, nobility or not.”

He scoffs and gets ready to say something about his studies that’d get him backhanded if I were someone else when Lucille comes out of the inn door, dressed in her armor.

“How the hell did you get past us?”

“I went through the window.”

I look up at the window, then back at her.

“Bullshit. There’s nothing to grab on to.”

“There's no need to if you have the right tools, ser.”

She grins and reveals her claws, and I must have looked surprised, because Lucien thought he had a chance to get away. I caught him by the scruff and sat his arse back down. Lucille then looks over the progress that he has made and for a moment looked impressed.

“You do this, or did you make Kaidan do it?”

“That stupid barbarian had me grab intestines!”

Why you little-

“Stupid Barbarian? Well, maybe this barbarian will be stupid enough to forget to guard your scrawny neck, next time a-”

“In the name of Dusk and Dawn, shut the fuck up!”

We both jump and turn to see Lucille genuinely pissed off, as in she has actually turned beet red. I’ll admit, I am a little afraid at the moment. I’ve never seen her like this. Even the blacksmith down the road looked nervous.

“All of that over a doe? Really? You two bicker like the Hlaalu, trying to see who throws the first punch! And don’t you think I didn’t hear what you two were arguing about while you thought I was gone. My hearing is quite sharp. Kaidan, go inside. I will speak to you in a moment.”

I stand and try not to run and hide inside, so I force myself to walk to do as she asks. I get inside and stand at the door and hear her reaming the kid about controlling his temper and having to actually put work in, all while she makes him skin and butcher the deer. Suddenly, I am dreading her return.

\-----------------------------------------------

I walk into the Sleeping Giant with a bloody Lucien in tow and several bags of meat, and am still very pissed off. These two have been going at it since they met, and the fact they thought I didn’t hear a damn thing said between them was insulting. I was hoping they’d settle it like adults, but clearly I have to pull my Legion uniform from my ass today.

“Go get cleaned up. You did good. Don’t know why you fought him and not me though. He deserves just as much respect as I do. He’s quite intelligent, and can help you just as much as I can if you actually give him the opportunity. Go on.”

I turn to look at Kaidan who has stilled in his seat.

“And you? I thought you better than that. Usually you are the one with the level head, and suddenly a kid who needs help getting started comes along and he is the bloody Sharmat? I know this isn’t just him poking at you and you putting him in his place. What in Oblivion has you so riled up?”

He looks very confused, but manages to find his voice.

“Look, I’m just… worried. I hate seeing you get buried by the demands of Nirn, and already this kid has a training routine lined up, and apparently plays a key role in that Oblivion gate vision all on top of you being the Dragonborn, something that you have obviously been bottling up. I'm concerned about you, to be honest.”

Really? That’s it?

“Kaidan, I know I carry a lot. I do. But believe it or not, you sitting there trying to take it from my shoulders is only making things worse. I was made for this - to handle the worst of what Nirn can throw at a person, and the fact you are shouldering my vision like it is your own has made you prone to snapping at a kid. I lo- I care about you, I do. And I know you care about me too, but some things are mine to worry about. Teldryn calls it ‘Borrowing trouble,' and it can make people forget their own wants and needs, resulting in situations like this one."

Why the hell is it impossible to stay angry at him? He yelled at Lucien over petty shit! Thank Azura he did not hear me fuck up and almost tell him how I felt, or this lesson would have been obsolete, and he’d be running for his life. Hopefully he assumes my blush is just from my outburst.

He looks down at his boots and nods.

“I understand. I’m sorry.”

“Isn’t me who needs an apology, Swordsman. Go on, you know you have to.”

I gesture to the bath, and he groans.

“Fine.”

Azura save me from these stubborn men.

\------------------------------------------

I step out of the bath and as I am leaving, I am suddenly face to face with Kaidan. I move to push past, but he catches me by the arm.

“Look, kid. I’m sorry. I’ve had a lot on my mind, and I’ve been bitin’ your head off at every little statement you make, and you don’t deserve it.”

Yikes. He’s actually apologizing. Wonder how bad he got it...

“Apology accepted. And I’m sorry I’ve been rude - I just miss my family terribly, and I've been taking it out on you. Thank you for teaching me how to field dress a deer. As disgusting as it was, it was also oddly fascinating! You could see-”

He then groans and leaves.

“Come on, she is waiting on us to get packed and on the road.”

“She can be quite scary... How do you deal with a temper like THAT?”

Oh no, why'd I say that out loud?

"I heard that, Lucien!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that according to dating specialists, the average person cannot be angry at their significant other for more than three or four days? Otherwise, it isn't truly love. (There are special cases, obviously.)
> 
> She's still mad, but it fades fast, and Kaidan was never really angry at her to begin with.
> 
> Lucien is taking on more of the role of the stubborn nephew she is trying to knock into shape, and she knows he can do better, or at least try harder. She doles out tough love, if you will.


	22. Decadent

We arrived in Whiterun about an hour ago, and we had settled into Breezehome. I made sure everyone was fed, and then I open the wine cabinet and smile.

“I took the liberty of ordering some sujamma, flin, and greef to be delivered here. Looks like it arrived…”

I bend down and pull out two bottles and four glasses and hold them up for the men and Lydia to see.

“A taste of my home. Come on you three, have a seat.”

“Are these going to put me out of commission like your sujamma, Lucille?”

I laugh.

“No, Swordsman, these are actually quite safe for outlanders and first tasters.”

I pour the three of us some greef, and when I sit down, the fragrance of my drink somehow conjures images of Seyda Neen and Balmora in my mind, and I suddenly find myself homesick.

“Are you alright, my Thane?”

I look up at Lydia, who has somehow managed to finish off her drink.

“Ah, yeah. Just thinking of home, f’lah.”

Kaidan pipes up,

“You must miss your homeland sometimes. I hope the war hasn’t made Skyrim too unwelcoming.”

I smile at the three of them.

“Well, you three make it much more bearable. I rather like being with you.”

Kai blushes then, and Lucien snickers. Lydia just looks confused.

“Something wrong, Kai?”

He clears his throat and takes another mouthful of his greef.

“Nothing much I want to share.”

I look to Lucien for answers, and he shrugs with a knowing smile on his face. He would make a terrible servant of Mephala.

“You know something, fetcher. Spill it.”

He squeaks.

“It’s not really my place to tell you! Also, may I have a refill?”

He holds out his empty glass and I grin.

“Liked it, did you?”

I stand and pour some flin for him and Lydia to try, then settle back down.

What a strange group I have found myself in. I think I like it.

\-----------------------------------------

Damn. That was too close for comfort.

“Hey. It’s getting late. We better turn in soon, or we won’t make it to Morthal in time.”

Lucille then looks quite sheepish, then stands up to put away the drinks.

"You're right. I guess I'm off to bed, then."

Lucien then leans in close and whispers. Loudly.

“Hey. You really should consider telling her.”

What in…?

“Telling her what, Lucien?”

“You know what I’m talking about. How you-”

I slap a hand over the idiot’s mouth, and Lucille turns to look at us with a mix of curiosity and disbelief.

“Shut. Up. Don’t say a word, or so help me I will gut you like that deer.”

He snickers, and I almost punch him, but Lucille’s glare keeps me from doing so.

“If you say so.”

\-----------------------------------

I walk into the Drunken Huntsman and take a seat at a table near the door. Damned kid. Apparently he knows more than he lets on. What he doesn’t know is that she isn’t interested in me, and I would be unable to look her in the face if I fuck it up. And now I had to run off to keep her from asking questions that I can't answer.

I sit there and stew for awhile until a Dunmer woman in leather armor takes a seat beside me. Mercenary, I assume.

“Blade and shadow, silence and death. These are my arts. For a modest fee, I’ll make great art for you.”

I was right. I make to dismiss her, but then the name that Lucille called me in High Hrothgar and once again in Falkreath floats to the front of my mind.

“How much for information?”

“Depends on what you’re going to ask, serjo.”

“Do you speak Dunmeris?”

She looks very confused, but relents.

“Er, yes, it is my first language. Why?”

“What does the word ‘Malkhesah’ mean?”

She turns a bright shade of purple up to the tips of her ears, and chokes on her saliva.

“Ah, that means ‘decadent’ in Imperial. I hope you aren’t trying to proposition me...”

Oh. Oh gods, I am an idiot.

I run out the door after leaving some gold for the help, and almost tear down the door to Breezehome.

I open Lucille’s door, and she sits up with a start, obviously confused by my intrusion and the sound of my heart trying to tear its way from my chest.

“Is something wrong?”

“Ah, no, I-”

“Then I am going back to sleep. Go on, you need it too.”

Say something!

“The cold this far north has a way of creeping into your bones. I could think of a way or two to keep you warm…”

She sits up again and looks at me with a beautiful blush painted across her face.

“I… must have misheard you. What?”

“I thought you must have known by now, considering what you called me. I figured it out, with the help of a dunmer in the Huntsman. Do you really think I’m decadent?”

She stands up slowly, and silently pads her way over to me with a hungry look in her eyes.

“What… are you trying to say..?”

“Lucille… any moment I’m with you, I can only think about being closer. Stay with me tonight. You know I’ll still be there in the morning.”

She turns an even darker shade of red and smiles.

“By Dusk and Dawn, I want you too-”

I lift her up and she yelps, and I place her on her bed while we fight with the ties and buckles to our armor. Soon, our second skins fall unceremoniously to the floor, and she presses herself into me.

I guess we don't need that bedroll after all.


	23. Morthal Madness pt. 1

We arrived at the outskirts of Morthal just as the sun dropped below the horizon, and suddenly I felt ill. Very ill. It took a moment for me to realize that this place smelled like the sickly sweet stench of the dead and for no bloody reason.

I looked at Kaidan and Lucien, and at first they seemed fine, calm even, but then they immediately stiffened at the look on my face.

There is something wrong with this place.

We search for the Inn, and when we find it, we pass by a burned down house that made my skin crawl. I have never felt this way - it feels like Azura’s gifts are seeped into the soil here, and with every step I take I can feel the past, the present, and the future.

We walk into the inn and as we settle down, Kaidan is immediately set upon by a raven haired woman who not only smells like the ass end of Molag Bal, but also is making the mistake of trying to seduce him right in front of me.

“Well hello there, handsome. Never seen a man like you around these parts. Want to go find a quiet place for a bit of fun?”

I placed a firm hand on her shoulder, and noticed it was as cold as a winter’s night, and I immediately understood why she reeked of death.

“I will rip the fangs out of your skull if you even lay a finger on him, bloodsucker.”

Kaidan immediately stood up and slipped behind me with his hand on his sword, ready for a fight. Lucien ran over and did the same, but I signaled for them to stay put.

“Well, aren’t you a pretty little monster. Is he yours? Oh dear, does he know that you are just as corrupt as I am?”

Bitch.

“Yes, but the difference is, I didn’t try to lure him to his death. I may be a beast, but at least my heart hasn’t turned to ice like yours.”

She laughed and walked off, leaving us to process what just happened.

“I take it you have dealt with vampires before?”

I look to Lucien and reply with an insincere smile,

“Not a lot in Morrowind - they were very openly shunned and persecuted, as they should be, so there weren’t many I have had the pleasure of beheading. In Cyrodiil, they have an easier time hiding because they usually look like her, so you have to rely on experience, or in my case, a touch of her skin and my nose. I have yet to see any vampires here in Skyrim, but I would assume they have a different appearance too. I am unsure why a Cyrodilic vampire is here, but I can tell you this - it isn’t good. She’s well fed, and nobody suspects a thing.”

Kaidan shudders, and I don’t blame him.

I leave them to go pay for a room for the night when I see images of a little girl, being consumed by flames, and a dark figure embracing her. I didn’t realize I had fallen unconscious until I woke up to Kaidan stroking my hair and trying to keep Lucien calm, unsuccessfully.

“Lucien, she does this, just give her a moment, damn it!”

“Well, that’s not normal - have you taken her to a healer, or did you forget to do that when you were distracted by-?”

“I swear to Azura if you two start bickering again I will gladly travel to Ustengrav myself.”

Lucien crosses his arms with a scowl. Don’t say anything that will screw you over…

“Lucille, I don’t think that’s normal. Have you seen a healer?”

N’chow, I forgot to tell him I had visions.

“Boy, have you considered that maybe Azura treats me to the visions her people have?”

He looks shocked, and then he doesn’t.

“Oh, uh... Yeah. That actually makes sense, now that I think about it. What did you see?”

I pinch the bridge of my nose as I try to recall, and suddenly the vision happens again as if it were responding to my failure to recollect, giving me a nosebleed.

“Holy shit, Lucille, are you alright?”

Great. Now they’re both panicking.

“I am fine, there’s just something going on here in Morthal. Azura’s presence is strong here. And to answer your question, I saw… I think I saw the house fire. Strange… I usually only see ahead, into the future. I saw a little girl...”

Kaidan shies away, and I drop the subject there, understanding that it is a sensitive subject without him saying a word. I won't ask - he can tell me when he is ready. Soon, there is a guard at the doorway, looking directly at me.

“Jarl Idgrod Ravencrone wishes to speak to you, Lucille. Only you, though.”

Me? How in the hell does she know my name?

“What for?”

“She told me that you would ask that, and you already know the answer. Come on.”

What in Oblivion..?

\-------------------------------------------

If I had known there was a little girl in that house when it burned down, I would have never set foot in Morthal. I can’t… I don’t want to think about the farm.

I down another flagon of mead, and Lucien walks up to me. Just seeing him makes me want to strangle him right now.

“So, Kaidan… why don’t you tell me about your... warrior upbringing?”

“Are you actually asking, or are you just looking for another way to insult my intelligence?”

He rolls his eyes, and I immediately regret responding.

“Oh… look, I think we may have gotten off on the wrong foot before. Please, I’d like to know.”

Fine.

“Well… it was a nomadic life. Saw more of Tamriel in ten years than most do in their lives, I think, and we slept under the stars most nights. Had a weapon in my hand from the moment I could walk, really. I didn’t have the luxury of learning anything if it wasn’t key to survival. Still, wouldn’t trade it for anything. Satisfied?”

“Sounds like an entirely different world. I’m not sure I envy you. I’ve always appreciated the comforts of home.”

“It shows.”

The door to the inn flings open and Lucille comes in looking conflicted.

“What’s on your mind, love?”

She flushes at my words, then shakes her head, making it disappear.

“That Jarl has been touched by Azura like I have, and she saw me coming long before I even came to Skyrim. She asked us to investigate the house fi-”

“I’m sorry, no. I think I need to sit this one out.”

They both look at me like I have grown a tail, and before Lucien can ask anything, Lucille drags him out of the inn with an understanding smile directed at me.

She can't know about the farm... she'd hate me.

How did I ever come to deserve her?

\----------------------------------------

“Oh gods, a ghost! There's a ghost!”

“Shut up, Lucien, that’s quite rude!”

Rude? Oh. Oh, I can see how that would be rude…

“Sorry…”

The little ghost looks at me and smiles.

“It's okay, I know you didn’t mean to say that.”

Lucille then kneels down to eye level with the ghost.

“What’s your name?”

“Helgi. Papa says I’m not supposed to talk to strangers. Are you guys strangers?”

“Every friend starts out as a stranger, daelha. Is Hroggar your father?”

“You know him? He made my favorite dolly, but I can’t find her.”

“What happened to your house?”

“The smoke woke me up. I was hot and scared, so I hid. Then it got cold and dark. I’m not scared anymore. But I’m lonely. Will you play with me?”

Lucille looks at me, then back to the little girl.

“If I do, will you tell me who set the fire?”

“Okay! Let’s play hide and seek. You find me, and I’ll tell you. We have to wait for nighttime though. The other one is playing too, and she can’t come out ‘till then. I can’t tell you - she’s so close, and she’ll hear me. Find me first, and then I can tell you.”

Oh gods, does she mean…?

She fades away, and Lucille clutches her head like it is about to explode.

“Lucille, are you alright?”

She turns to look at me just as she wipes away another nosebleed.

“I fucking hate this town. We need Kaidan.”

She stomps off to the inn, leaving me in the dust

“Wait! Why do we need him?”

She stops and drops her voice to a whisper while she hands me a small purse of gold.

“Can’t say it out loud. It’ll cause a panic. Go to the apothecary and buy some cure disease potions and return here.”

Oh gods, I knew something bad was going to happen…


	24. Morthal Madness pt. 2

“Kaidan, we need your help. Something is going to happen and we can’t do it without you.”

He zones out, and I place my hand on his shoulder, bringing him back to reality.

“No, we are not headed to the house. Remember the vampire? I think she isn’t alone.”

Kaidan then stands up and wipes a small droplet of ale from his lips. Pity, I would have kissed it off of him if we weren’t caught up in this kwama pile that happened to be dropped on us.

I explain the situation to him, and he nods in understanding.

“What would possess a man to burn down his home with his wife and daughter inside? That poor child… she’s in Mara’s arms now.”

“I don’t think it was Hroggar. I think it was the vampire we are about to meet.”

His face hardens and I know by then he is ready to go.

“Aye. Where’s Lucien?”

“Off getting cure disease potions. I have a horrible feeling we need them.”

I open the door to the inn and as expected, Lucien is standing there with a small pouch.

“Are we ready to go?”

“Yes. I… Wait, where would we search for Helgi? Not at her house, I - Ungh!”

A harsh pull on my brain, up and to the right, damn near knocks me unconscious for the fourth time today. I angrily swipe at my nose and set off in that direction, the men following behind me in dead silence.

We crest a hill, and immediately I find a vampire digging up a coffin.

A child’s coffin.

I draw Trueflame and charge, not only surprising the bloodsucker, but also giving me the upper hand in that I could take her feet out from under her before she has a chance to block me.

I bring my sword down on her neck in an arc, lobbing it clean off her body.

I walk over to the coffin and kneel down.

“Found you, Helgi.”

She giggles

“You found me! Laelette was trying to find me too, but I’m glad you found me first. Laelette was told to burn mommy and me, but she didn’t want to. She wanted to play with me, forever and ever. She kissed me on the neck, and I got so cold the fire didn’t even hurt. Laelette thought she could take me and keep me, but she can’t. I’m all burned up. I’m tired. I’m going to sleep for awhile now.”

“You do that, daelha. I’m going to talk to the man who’s coming by now. I had fun.”

She giggles again, and goes quiet.

I stand and turn to see a man run up the hill and kneel at the body of the vampire, letting out a cry of anguish that tore at my heart.

“Laelette! She’s a vampire! Oh, my poor Laelette…”

I walk over and place my hand on his back.

“What can you tell me about your wife?”

“Laelette? I thought she left to join the Stormcloaks. Ah! My poor Laelette!”

“Did you notice anything strange before she left?”

“She began to spend a lot of time with Alva. Yet just a week before, she despised her. In fact, the night she disappeared, she was supposed to meet Alva. Alva told me later that she never showed up. I never got to tell her goodbye...”

“So that’s the bitch’s name. I think they might have met after all.”

“You think Alva… but that means… Ye Gods! You think Alva is a vampire?”

I almost say something about the fact the bitch smells like Molag Bal’s sweaty jewels, but think better of it, as that would spill my curse to him, too.

“It is a possibility we cannot ignore.”

“No! You’re wrong. You must be wrong. Laelette may have met her fate out in the marsh. I refuse to believe Alva had anything to do with this. There is no way you can prove it to the Jarl.”

He then storms off, and I turn to see Lucien and Kaidan gathering the ashes of the vampire.

“What are you two doing?”

Kaidan looks at me and gives a goofy smile that warms my heart.

“Gathering the vampire’s ashes. They can be used in potions that cure disease. Ironic, right?”

I shrug.

“Not really, seeing as they are immune to disease, themselves. Same goes for werewolves.”

He looks impressed, then nudges Lucien.

“Let’s go.”

\------------------------------------

Lucille told us in no uncertain terms to stay in the inn until she returns. I don’t know why, but I am not about to argue with her. She still scares me a little, even though I know she’d never hurt us.

“Kaidan, what do you think is going on with her?”

He grunts like a troll and turns to look at me.

“Well, she said she felt Azura’s presence here, so maybe she is having more visions, which are also more intense, because of it. Usually the Daedric princes favor areas they can easily spread their will. I don’t know why Azura chose Morthal over the mountain range her shrine stands on, but she’s here regardless. Good luck trying to get Lucille to leave though - she may not look the type, but she is quite devoted to her patron.”

“Lucille’s right. You really are intelligent!”

“Say that again, and I’ll tear your spine out of your-”

“I can’t leave you two alone for a bloody second, can I? Kaidan darling, that was a compliment.”

Weird.

“What’s got you in such a good mood, Lucille?”

“Oh, nothing. I got to kill that tramp, that’s all.”

I look over at Kaidan and he grins.

“Never took you for the jealous type.”

Oh gods, please!

“Ugh! Get a room, you two!”

She smiles mischievously,

“Not yet. We have to go kill the rest of the vampires.”

\-----------------------------------------

Damn it woman, now I’m distracted.

She led us to a cave with a group of other people who quickly chickened out, except for the man who met us at the graveyard.

“Oi. We have to go in alone?”

“They may be cowards, but I’m not. I’ll go with you.”

Lucille comes up and gently nudges him.

“You are angry. It will cloud your judgement. You are brave, but I think we can handle it from here. Go home, sera.”

He nods, and he, too, leaves us.

Lucille then walks past the cave mouth and hides behind a tree. Lucien almost follows, but I grab him before he sees more than he needs to.

Damn, now I want a peek...

“Let go of me, you bloody barbarian!”

“This is the only time I am not going to give a shit about what you say. You will understand in a moment.”

Soon, I see her armor being placed beside the tree, and my face flushes at the images that flew into my head.

“What do you- Oh good gods, is she taking off her armor?”

In a few moments, she steps back around the tree and Lucien whimpers, earning himself an eye roll from both of us.

Lucille then enters, and then runs out with her tail between her legs a moment later.

Fuck, if she’s scared in that form…

I run in and find two small frostbite spiders, which I quickly handle.

“Really? Spiders?”

She whines, then takes the lead again. Soon, she breaks into a sprint and we have a hard time catching up to her until we find her tearing into a thrall, his heart in her teeth.

Lucien promptly vomits, and of course I don’t give much of a damn. I've seen worse.

I walk up to her and suddenly she turns to look at me with a ferocity that I have never seen before, and before I know it, she’s on top of me with her teeth in my face.

“Lucille! Listen to my voice! It will all be okay if you just stop!”

Lucien?

She then turns to look at the kid, who, despite having pissed himself, is still talking.

“Look at him. You love him, don’t you? I know you do. And I know you see me as some sort of family, too, so I know you don’t wanna hurt me either, right? Come on...”

Remind me to buy that kid a drink.

She shudders, and looks at me. A quiet whine escapes her as she stands up off of me, and I stand and brush myself off. I gently take her clawed hand in mine. Funny, usually my hand dwarfs hers…

“Don’t you worry about it. It isn’t your fault. Come on, we have a town to save.”

She huffs and turns around, leading us to an open cavern. I see her eyes scan the room, and I can tell she is counting the vampires there.

Then she leaps, high over the table that spans the center of the room, and onto the vampire seated in the throne at the end. Chaos erupts, and we are soon set upon by the whole brood.

While I am beheading as many as I can, I hear Lucien scream, and Lucille and I turn to see a vampire burying her fangs into his neck. Lucille roars and before I can run to help, she tears the vampire apart limb from limb.

“Lucille! Rip ‘em to shreds! I got him!”

She snarls and begins her rampage again, this time with much more vigor. I run to Lucien, and I put pressure on the bite to help slow the bleeding.

“You’re going to be alright, lad. I need you to drink these. Can you do that for me?”

He nods, and I pull a healing potion and a cure disease potion from his bag and hold them up for him to see. I uncork them both and begin with the healing potion. He splutters, but manages to get it down, and suddenly he tries to get up.

“If I can just… get up to... help…”

“Lad, I don’t think that’s wise - she might tear you apart with how angry she is. She’s handling it. Lay back, and let’s get this into you.”

He nods and returns to his original position, and I help him drink the cure disease potion.

“We are staying here. I do not want to get on the wrong side of her claws.”

“Are you sure she can handle that many?”

I turn to look at her grab a vampire by its throat, and behead it with just her hands.

“Yeah. I think she’s got it.”


	25. Screwing Around. Literally.

I woke up back in the inn, and I felt like I had been turned inside out and then brought back to normal.

Lucille then leaned over me and checked my eyes and started… smelling me?

“You saved his life, Kaidan.”

"Well, he saved mine, so..."

I sat up and rubbed my temples.

“What happened? I remember Lucille tearing into the head vampire and then…”

“Lad, you got bitten.”

Oh. Oh gods.

“Did I die?”

Lucille hunched over and began to have a conniption and Kaidan put his face in his hands.

“No, Lucien. You are fine. I made sure of it.”

“I… thank you. I appreciate it.”

He nodded and turned to Lucille.

“Well, I want out of this town. I hate this place.”

Lucille frowned.

“I would have loved to stay and talk to the Jarl, but I don’t think I can handle another vision. However, I am tired, and am going to go get some rest.”

Kaidan then leaned into her ear and whispered something that made her turn red, and I could not help but throw my pillow at them.

They are TOO perfect for eachother! I shouldn’t have said anything!

\--------------------------------------

“I would have loved to stay and talk to the Jarl, but I don’t think I can handle another vision. However, I am tired, and am going to go get some rest.”

Kaidan then leans into my ear with a breathy chuckle that made me burn,

“... Unless that wolf blood of yours makes you restless... You know, I’m not adverse to finding out just how ferocious you can get.”

I deflected the pillow hurled at us by Lucien and grab Kaidan by the hand, leading him to our room.

“Careful; curiosity killed the cat...”

When we get into the room, he shuts and locks the door and pins me to the wall. He places a hot kiss to my jaw, purring into my ear,

“And satisfaction brought it back. A little tooth and nail didn’t hurt me - not in a way I didn’t like, anyway.”

As you wish.

\------------------------------------

Those two- Ugh.

I gathered our stuff and suddenly a little pendant fell from Kaidan’s bag onto the floor. I picked it up and looked it over. Incomplete, but absolutely marvelous. Wait - is it dragon bone?

I don’t recall seeing him ever carving bone. Goodness, does he ever sleep?

I placed it into the pocket it fell out of and set our bags by the door.

I almost got to the bar when a courier came in.

“I’ve been looking for you. Got something I’m supposed to deliver - your hands only. Here, a letter from Lyra Flavius.”

Oh, how wonderful!

I paid the courier and sat at the bar, and opened the letter from my mother.

"Lucien,

Is it true? You have met Lucille? How is she? I am surprised she told you who she was so soon - it took her two years to tell me. I know she can be a bit harsh, but trust me - if she told you who she was, she cares about you deeply. She’s a good woman. I trust she is training you, yes? She helped train me, once she told me she was the Nerevarine. She taught me a lot, and if it weren’t for her, I know that I wouldn’t have lasted that long on the battlefield. Ask her to show you how to block a greatsword with the flat of your blade. Wait, she gave you her dagger? That was given to her by her adoptive father as a gift for when she cleaned her first guar - no wonder she threatened you. She would have said the same thing to me. Don't you dare lose it - she might make good on that promise. And yes, I do know about her curse. I ask you treat the subject gently, as it is still a sore topic for her.

Dear boy, I know you. You have my fire, and though you may say you follow in your father’s footsteps, I want you to consider this - What are you wearing now? What do you have strapped at your hip? I am so proud of you. You have become a fine man.

Oh, and don’t try to impress Lucille by trying to charge into the fray, and remember that if you need to rest, do it. Do not be ashamed to recuperate from a battle wound. If you want to impress her, get to picking that brain of hers. I know she may seem like she is only focused on battle, but if you ask her about histories or how things like Dwemer machinery or enchanting work, she might surprise you.

Now, this Kaidan fellow sounds like he is just trying to get through to you that not everyone has lived an easy life. He actually sounds like a sweetheart if you get to know him. Lighten up on him, kiddo. He is just trying to help.

Take care of yourself, now.

\- Lyra"

Morthal sucked? When? I can’t seem to remember!

I pulled out my writing tools and began writing my response. I have already done so much... oh, she is going to be so proud of me!

\----------------------------------

We stepped out of the room and went to find the bar, only to find Lucien writing a letter.

“Who are you writing to, boy?”

He jumps, and then looks at me with a grin.

“My mother. She wrote to me and the letter just arrived! Look!”

He eagerly hands me the letter and I can’t help but chuckle at his enthusiasm.

I read the letter and smile. Her handwriting hasn’t changed at all… N’chow, spilling all my secrets, are we?

“Oh, this is definitely your mother. Maybe you should ask her about how the Legion got so many drafts out with the printing press. She will talk your ear off about how it works. And tell her I said not to spill all my secrets!”

He laughs and resumes writing.

“You really do have a soft spot, huh?”

I turn to face Kaidan, who has an amused glint in his eye.

“Of course I do - the people I care about.”

“Nope. You have a soft spot for kids.”

Oh Azura-

“I do not!”

He laughs then.

“Oh, and don’t forget that I saw you run from those spiders, even as a ferocious beast.”

Oh, is that what’s happening today?

“Fuck spiders. Nobody likes spiders. And you? You hate anything that crawls, especially roaches.”

He flinches, and I grin.

“You are really not going to like Morrowind. We actually eat many types of inse-”

He then retches, and waves his hand in submission.

“Alright, alright, you win, woman! Ugh!”

I laugh and hug him.

“No worries, Daelha, I will protect you from them.”

“You really can be mean, sometimes.”

“Oh I know. But you just showed me you enjoyed it a few minutes ago.”

“Careful - a man might think you’re asking for something.”

“Maybe I am...”

“Are you kidding me, you two? Again? All I have to throw is an inkwell! Wait, that might actually work!”

We both scream.

“Lucien, No!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, I used cut dialogue for Kaidan. I think it was in the original, but got left out of the second, as I have yet to encounter it, even with my character being as she is.
> 
> And I have seen how bad a spill from an inkwell can get. I can only imagine at the mess it would make if it were hurled at someone!


	26. Some Brains, Brawn, a Barrow, and Some Bullshit Walk Into a Bar...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, yeah, Lucille has officially turned into me. Then again, every OC is an extention of ourselves - it is difficult not to show some similarities between you and your creation. I decided screw it - she has my personality, but set in a different world and timeframe and has seen hell. Oh, and is not as timid as I am.

“I like to think of philosophy as a way to conclusively resolve the big questions in life. Or is it? Discuss…”

I wipe Trueflame clean with a cloth and look at the boy who has decided now is a good time to think about such things. We are literally outside a ruin, and he wants to take his mother’s advice now? Fine, I suppose I will humor him.

“What is a question, if not already a form of philosophy? Every question is an answer - it just takes time for it to become such.”

Lucien and Kaidan look floored and I grin.

“His fault for trying to catch me by surprise. We need to get a move on, or the sun is going to set before we leave this place.”

\--------------------------------------

She’s brilliant! I can’t even begin to express how exciting this is for me! Though, I suppose living several hundred years longer than you are supposed to will build your mental prowess quickly. I shouldn’t be surprised.

“So, anywhere you’d like to see, after we get the horn dealt with, boy?”

I look at Lucille and smile. Is she serious? I turn to Kaidan and he shrugs, so no help from his end.

“Now that you mention it, I suppose there is. Somewhere here in Skyrim, there’s a Dwemer ruin called ‘Dumzbthar.’ I came across a text referring to it in my last few months at the Arcane University.”

Lucien and Kaidan suddenly stiffen and look at eachother for some reason, but I can't seem to stop myself from talking.

“Dwemeris is a fiddly language - often the same words have multiple meanings - but I am fairly certain it translates loosely to-”

“‘Bound ghosts.’ You should pick up Dunmeris - a lot of the grammar is similar in structure to Dwemeris, and it has the benefit of not being faded by time, serving as something that you can compare it to. Just a thought. Continue.”

“It piqued my curiosity - the use of soul gems in Dwemer automatons is well documented, but no one knows much about their purpose or function.”

She laughs! Why is she laughing?

“Ah, boy. I am sure you know that a soul has energy, or rather, IS energy, correct? Otherwise a soul gem would not be able to charge an enchantment. Automatons are powered by steam - they have a boiler, and the soul gem is the source of energy needed to activate it. The energy is put into a metal coil beneath the boiler, and it begins to heat, turning the water into steam. This steam then activates the engine, and the engine sets the machine into motion. It is simple, really - no magic involved, aside from the use of the soul gem. What you should be asking is where they get these souls to power their automatons.”

By the divines...

“That… actually makes a lot of sense! I’m surprised you know how it works! Have you actually taken apart a dwarven machine to learn this?”

“I have. I actually helped Divayth Fyr for a time, in return for his ‘cure’ for my corprus. Now I know he was just a nasty fetcher looking for a pretty new test subject, really. He’ll never admit it, but it was I who discovered that the coil was steel - and when exposed to electricity, the energy is converted to heat energy because of the metal’s resistance to the element. Quite effective, actually.”

“You seem to have lost me there…”

“Certain alloys have certain resistances to- Heads up!”

We duck, and an arrow flies over my head! I really need a helmet!

Lucille pulls an arrow from her quiver, sets it alight with a snap of her fingers, and fires it into the draugr, killing it almost immediately.

“We are getting distracted. We have to remain focused.”

“You two confuse the bloody hell out of me sometimes...”

“I’ll explain when we get someplace safe, daelha.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------

“No. No, I am not doing this.”

“Come on, Lucille, they are easy to kill.”

“I don’t give a daedric damn! I can’t even look at those things! The little ones back home are bad enough, but these are the children of Mephala and Sheogorath when they decided to get fucked up on skooma!”

I groan.

“Darling, come on. We have to push forward.”

Lucien finally starts snickering and I land a solid punch to his shoulder, shutting him up.

“Quit being a dick and help me out here.”

“Oh, fine, you could have just asked, you brute! Lucille, I hope you understand that the longer we sit still, the greater the chance of them finding us. You don’t want them to catch us by surprise.”

She huffs and hops down from the perch she scaled, and retched at the feel of webs on her skin.

This woman… I still can’t believe she is afraid of something as simple as spiders. I’d find it endearing if we did not have to fight her on having to face them.

Lucien and I take the lead, and Lucille opts for her bow. Soon, we face two spiders, and we hear Lucille screech.

I turn to look and she is hacking at a rather small spider with her sword and she kills it in just two swings.

“Fuck this place. Fuck Skyrim, too.”

I laugh and she shoots me a glare as I turn to cut the webs that block our way.

Soon, we encounter a vast chamber with two pools of water on either side of the walkway, and then four statues rise from the water on either side, standing as an honor guard for Jurgen Windcaller himself.

When we approach the dais where the horn would be, we see the monument has a crumpled note instead of the horn.

Lucille suddenly looks pissed, and smells the parchment. It takes a moment for me to realize that she is trying to identify the culprit.

“Her again? I’m going to tear that thrice-cursed heart from her chest if she does not have a good reason for this… wait...”

She opens the letter, then she suddenly looks like she was enlightened by Julianos.

“Delphine…? I thought... I thought she had been… We need to get to Riverwood immediately.”

How many people does this woman know?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I had to! The talk with Lucien about Dumzbthar is actually quite a good source of brain food if you are like me, who overthinks everything, including lore and machinery that only exists in a fictional game world.
> 
> Like me, I can imagine Lucille likes to pick things apart. She'd have made a good member of the Telvanni, if it weren't for her oversized heart and set morals. Hlaalu is obviously out of the question. Who does that leave?
> 
> House Redoran. Go back and read "Primal Urges" and you will find she also has a tat of their house symbol on her hip, and for a surprising reason!
> 
> Also, the reason Lucille had yet to piece together that Delphine was a blade was because she assumed she was one of those who was killed at cloud ruler.  
> Handwriting is unique to every individual, so when she saw Delphine's handwriting, all the puzzle pieces fell into place.


	27. Bitching and Bias

I kick the door to the Sleeping Giant open and come face to face with Delphine, who seems pissed at the audacity of me assaulting her door, but I don’t care.

“What in Oblivio-”

I cross my arms and flash the Moon-and-Star, and she barks out a laugh of disbelief.

“So, there is no Dragonborn. Just you, my old mentor. Should have figured it was you. What are-”

“‘But Dragon-Born and far-star-marked.’ Isn’t that what the lost prophecy says, Delphine?”

She looks like she has been slapped, then looks sheepish.

“I… I apologize. I assume you are here for this?”

She hands me the horn of Jurgen Windcaller, and I raise my eyebrow.

“What in Oblivion did you need to tell me that resulted in me having to fight those demons the Nords call spiders here?”

She rolls her eyes.

“Not here. Follow me. And they stay behind.”

What in Oblivion happened to her? She used to be… kind. Then again, we all used to be better versions of ourselves before the thirtieth of Frostfall.

“No, whatever you can say to me, you can say to them. I assume you have a hidden room somewhere?”

She groans

“Fine, fine! Come on. Damn, you still know how to get your way, don’t you?”

“When have I not, Delphine?”

\-------------------------------------

She can’t be serious. The Thalmor, raising dragons? And Lucille is actually considering this plan to infiltrate the Thalmor Embassy? Are all former Blades agents like this?

I know the Thalmor have done preposterous things, and are responsible for the genocide at Cloud Ruler, but I highly doubt they have the power to raise dragons from the dead.

“Lucille, you can’t seriously believe the Thalmor are capable of bringing dragons back to life! I know they have done many terrible things to many people, but I highly doubt they have the power to raise something that large and that many at once! The amount of magicka it would take to do such a thing would require a third of the population of Tamriel!”

She looks at me like I have lost my mind, but then she begins to mull it over in her head. I knew she would at least listen to reason.

“You make a pretty good point. They also do not disintegrate to ash like the raised dead, and I have seen and heard them speak, which zombies are incapable of doing, or at least speak in fragmented phrases. I would, however, like to see what these scuttleheads know on the subject, and I can also use this opportunity to find information on their movements, holdings, encampments, and holding areas.”

Oh gods, she sounds like a soldier… Kaidan even seems uneasy!

“It is a daring plan Delphine’s conceived. I don’t like it, you sneaking into a Thalmor den.”

“It is the only way to find out what they know, Kaidan. Besides, this gives me the opportunity to strike at the heart of their operations here in Skyrim.”

“That, I’m aware of. I’m also aware of what they’re going to do to you if you get caught. Promise me you’ll be careful, no uncalculated risks.”

“I will get out of there in one piece. You both know I will.”

“I’ll hold you to that.”

“Wait! You’re a former Blade, and not only are you known as both the Dragonborn and the Nerevarine, no offense, but… like Kaidan, you easily stand out in a crowd. What if I go?”

The three of them look at me, and Delphine speaks first.

“He has a point. Do you-”

“Delphine, I will cut out your tongue if you finish that statement. I am doing this - you will not send him to a Thalmor hive and risk his entire family name!”

Oh. I hadn’t thought of that…

“So what are we going to do? We can’t sit on our hands and do nothing... Khena.”

Lucille’s eyes turn yellow for a moment, scaring the three of us half to death.

“I have half a mind to take you out back and show you who the better swordswoman is for that, Delphine. I let you out of my charge long ago. Don’t think I have gotten soft in a few decades.”

Delphine rolls her eyes and places her hands on the table, and Lucille groans.

“I am surprised nobody here has considered hair dye and concealment magic.”

“Lucille, you know that magic has been outlawed with the levitation act.”

“Let me ask you something. Have you considered that maybe I don’t give a skeever’s ass what a piece of parchment says about certain spells? I have been using it for years to hunt Elenwen and her little crew of slaughterfish. I am sure you also know me as the ‘Death’s Rider.’ Don’t tell me you expected me to sit still and let them get away with killing twenty of my pupils, and many more friends.”

“Fair enough. Elenwen’s little soiree is in about a month. Don’t screw this up.”

“You know I won’t.”

Gods… I’m glad she’s on our side.

\--------------------------------------------------

I’m surprised those two haven’t killed eachother yet. I’m even more surprised that Lucien thought he could have done something that Lucille has been planning for decades.

I might actually take up Lucille’s offer on some more sujamma after that. Damn.

“Lucille..?”

She turns to look at me and she softens up a bit.

“Yes, daelha?”

“I might take you up on some more of that sujamma.”

She laughs and pulls out a flask from her bag.

“I actually found something. Did some asking around, and I found some that won’t kill a kagouti. Here, all yours.”

She passes the flask to me and I grin.

“This is… Thank you. I never really got to remember the taste of it.”

She then leans in and whispers,

“Well, I’m actually wondering what it would taste like on your lips… you want to go find ou-”

A courier then runs up and hollers the usual line about a special delivery and hands Lucille an envelope that is clearly labelled for Lucien.

Way to ruin the mood, asshole.

\--------------------------------------------------

"Wait a moment, I'm not-"

"Important deliveries to make, no time for chatting!"

The courier runs off, leaving Kaidan quite frustrated as I call out for Lucien.

"Hey, Lucien, there's a letter here for you..."

I watch with amusement as he peers around the doorframe with a giddy smile.

"Oh?"

He runs out from the cover of the doorframe and eagerly takes the envelope from my hand.

"Perhaps the courier gave it to you by mistake."

Kaidan and I share a glance at eachother, and when Lucien pops the envelope open, we know exactly what is happening next. However, we bury it - We cannot let the kid know what he is to uncover, because that is for him, and him alone to learn. We can't say a damn word, just be there for him.

"Ooh, marvelous! It's from my father. I forgot to mention he's been looking into Dumzbthar for me. Well, it seems he's had some success! He's found me its location! Turns out we were completely wrong when we guessed it was in Skyrim - it is actually on Solstheim! Not only that, but he's sent me the key! Oh, please say we can go..! Please...?"

Boethia's staff and crystal balls, he had to beg, didn't he? Fucking kid has Lyra's eyes.

"I... suppose..."

He stifles a squeal of excitement and I feel Kaidan shriveling away behind me from the weight of knowing that we can't say anything to him, or it might never happen at all.

I had to do it for Katie. I know the feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I find it odd that nobody considers that Delphine is a cornered wolf when you first meet her. Everyone is on the defensive when afraid, and in a situation where there are too many unknowns and your fear is clouding your judgement, what is the first thing many people do? Look for someone and something to blame. Delphine is already on the run from the Thalmor, the same people who hunted and killed many of her colleagues, so it isn't that hard to believe her first instinct would be to blame the Thalmor for the dragons, too.
> 
> And yes, Lucien can get away with a lot of shit. So can Kaidan, but Lucille seriously cannot wrap her brain around what to do with Lucien. She is a nurturer by heart, but she has also been hardened by the passage of time, so her brain is like, "Protect? Protect with knife or hug? Or knife AND hug? When do I protect with knife? When do I protect with hug?"
> 
> I have this issue with my little brother who absolutely refused to help me clean a rabbit, and I know he is young, but it is best to teach them young, though your instinct is to shelter.
> 
> Kaidan is right - she has a soft spot for kids. It will bite him in the ass later, I promise~


	28. Fair Winds, and Calm Seas

It took two days for us to get to that cesspit known as Windhelm, after I gave that letter to Lucien. As much as I dread the fact that I am going to have to face an Oblivion gate once more, I admit, I am a little eager to see something that is close to home.

We step into the city after almost being denied admittance, again for my armor and accent, and immediately avoid Candlehearth Hall, opting for the cornerclub. I hate this city.

On the way, we encounter two nords interrogating some poor Dunmer over whether or not she was an imperial spy, probably just for fun, and when they leave her, I walk up to them with the intent to do harm.

Kaidan immediately grabs Lucien by the scruff and drags him out of the line of fire, covering the kid's mouth, and I tap one of the men on the shoulder.

He turns and eyes my armor with distaste and his friend does the same.

“You. You a dark elf lover? Get out of our city, you filthy piece of trash!”

“You know, it isn’t very wise to say that to someone who can lay your arse out on the ice in a few swings…”

“I don’t have to take that from you!”

He swings, and I grab his arm and use his momentum to throw him past me, watching as he hits the ice with a dull thud. He tries to get up, but he can’t, which pisses off his little friend, who circles me like a nix hound. He feints, then gives an opening I know is too good to be true, so when he dodges my right hook aimed at his face, I make sure he suddenly has the breath stolen from his lungs as I grab him and bring my knee to his groin.

Both men are now moaning on the ground, and as I walk away, I tell them in no uncertain terms that I’d be happy to do it again if they try anything else.

Kaidan and Lucien choose silence, which really ruins my mood. It really was an easy clean up!

When we enter the “Gray” quarter, I notice the alley is much cleaner, and the woodwork has been improved. I enter the New Gnisis Cornerclub and Ambarys almost drops the tankard he was cleaning. The interior wood has been repaired a good bit, but can still use a bit more work.

“Boethia’s knickers, it’s the hero of the Gray Quarter! Come in, come in! I have some fresh flin and greef for you and your companions.”

I flush and the two men turn to look at me in confusion. We all sit at one of the tables and I confess.

“I… may or may not have left 15,000 septims for them to fix the alley up…”

Lucien’s jaw falls slack and Kaidan does his best to conceal his shock.

“15,000 septims?! No wonder you couldn’t afford my armor!”

I groan.

“If you saw the condition this place was in when I first showed up, you would have done the same. Now, I want nothing more than a few drinks with you two and then a warm bed.”

Ambarys comes over and hesitantly hands me a rather large flask of sujamma. I raise an eyebrow and he stutters,

“Well, I feel quite terrible about denying you last time. I warn you - it is quite potent. Usually the Dunmer are the only ones who can handle it.”

I laugh, and Kaidan grimaces, presumably from remembering his first taste of the liquor.

“Ambarys, don’t you know? I have had 206 years of experience!”

He looks at me incredulously until I pop the lid and take a swig like I usually do. With style.

The tavern erupts into laughter, Ambarys included, and I order a round of greef to go around.

“I want to hear the story of how you managed to tolerate the stuff next time you visit.”

“Believe it or not, I’m sure you already know it, ser.”

\----------------------------------------------------------------

I awoke to little kisses being peppered over my face, and I can’t help but chuckle.

“Well, good morning to you, too.”

Lucille then smiles and curls up in my arms with a sigh of contentment. I look down at her, and then to the colorful banners that line the walls of this place, and can’t help but think she is finally in her element.

Gods, why does she have to make it so difficult to get up?

“Love, as much as I want to stay here with you, we have a ship to catch. I actually want to see this island you have been so eager to return to.”

She giggles

“Well, you’ll be saying otherwise when you see the ash, Daelha…”

“Way to ruin the mood, dear.”

“Ugh, we haven’t even had breakfast, you two! Can we at least eat something so I can go throw up?”

I stand up from the bed and damn near freeze to death on the spot. Lucille must have lava for blood.

Lucille follows suit, and hollers at the touch of the cold floor.

“Mephala’s tits, that is fucking cold!”

Lucien tries his best not to laugh and then suddenly falls silent as he gets up.

Yup. It’s cold.

“Oh Gods, is there any insulation here?”

“I have half a mind to visit Ulfric, but I cannot promise you it won’t get violent.”

I’m beginning to think she has the soul of a Dunmer, and just doesn’t know it.

\--------------------------------------------------

We began to make our way to the docks when Lucille slipped a hefty purse of coin to the barkeep, and ignored his protests as we continued to the boat. She paid the ship’s captain, and had a seat on the edge of the boat with her flask of Sujamma in hand.

“Lucille, you would give the skin from your back if it meant you could help these people.”

She turns to look at me and sighs.

“Lucien. I told you what happened with Baar Dau and Red Mountain, despite you insisting you knew everything about it. I didn’t tell you that it was all possible due to me severing Vivec from the Heart of Lorkhan. I have the blood of the people I was supposed to save on my hands. I am trying to make it right.”

Are you kidding me? She’s blaming herself for something she had no control over?

I almost say something when Kaidan elbows me and gives me a tired look.

She’s not going to listen, is she?

“So… tell me about Solstheim.”

She laughs.

“What era, boy? I hear the island looks a lot like Vvardenfell nowadays.”

“Oh, well… both, I guess.”

“Hmm. Well, I want you to picture the snowy pines of Skyrim, but the pines are much greener, and to the north there is a massive glacier that takes up a third of the island. It smells a lot like Skyrim, and it used to be much like it in other ways, too. Now, like my homeland, it is mostly ash. The trees are dead, and everything is buried under ash instead of snow. Snow melts… ash does not. Speaking of which…”

She then pulls her backpack off her shoulders and pulls out two pairs of goggles and two face scarves, handing them to me and Kaidan.

“If I tell you there is an ash storm on the way, put these on immediately. Immediately! Am I clear on that?”

We both nod, and put them in our pockets.

The captain arrives and tells us we are leaving port, and I can't contain my excitement.

This is going to be quite the adventure!


	29. Rock the Boat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is from Kaidan's POV. Not sure how it happened to be that way, but it did. Enjoy!

We finally leave port, and Lucille is still bravely seated on the edge of the boat, which seems to make everyone uneasy but me. I know she won’t fall. That’s one of the many things I love about her... the fact that, despite all she has been through, she can both not give a shit and be the most caring person on Nirn.

I look over at Lucien, and see he is playing a game with the other shipmates where they all take a shot every time someone says a word starting with the letter W. I wonder how long it takes him to realize that he is going to get very drunk before we even reach Solstheim. He will probably need something on his stomach to help him handle the consequences of his actions.

I think back to what Lucille said about the insects the Dunmer eat and shudder. I don’t think I will ever understand how someone could eat such things other than out of necessity. However, I do love that tattoo on her hip, despite it being some sort of bug.

“Oi. Lucille?”

She turns to look at me with a grin, and giggles at the sound of my fluttering heart. Damn woman always knows how to get my heart racing.

“What’s wrong, daelha?”

“What does your tattoo mean?”

She smiles again.

“Oh, it is the symbol of House Redoran. I… may or may not have some authority back home.”

Oh.

“I’ve been knocking around with an aristocrat? I never would have guessed.”

“Don’t be surprised if I have to show the boneheads - the natives tend to dislike outlanders, and this brand will guarantee us protection and entry, especially when you consider that Raven Rock is now controlled by my house.”

Oh, now that’s gonna be hard to deal with...

“Damn. Thought I would be the only one who was allowed to see it. Wait, boneheads?”

The captain pipes up behind us,

“She means the guards there. Their armor is made of bonemeal, iron shavings, and resin, hence the use of the word 'bone.' Not to be confused with scuttlehead"

"If someone calls you a scuttlehead, Kai, let me know and I will set them straight."

The captain then directs a question at Lucille.

“Hey, you are a funny lass. You born in Morrowind?”

She snorts,

“No, I was laid at the foot of the shrine of Azura in Cyrodiil about 229 years ago, and got moved to Morrowind when I was seven. Would have been nice to have been born there, though.”

The captain laughs, thinking it a joke, and I zone out, thinking of that tattoo on her hip. I wonder how high she is in the ranks… I don’t doubt she earned it - House Redoran is for warriors, and she is nothing short of it.

I suddenly want to kiss her there. No, I just want to kiss HER, and soon I notice Lucille is looking at me with a puzzled expression.

“Kaidan, did you hear my question?”

“What? Uh, ‘scuse me. Mind was elsewhere.”

Her brow furrows and she crosses her arms.

“You’ve been distracted.”

Ah. You got me.

“Can you blame me? You’ve been on my mind all day. I’ve never wanted someone so much in my life.”

She flushes and stands up, then leads me below deck by my hand.

“You’re insatiable, you know that?”

I can't help but chuckle at that.

“Oh I know, I’m the one with the hunger, aren’t I? Though, it’s more than just that.”

Her brow furrows, and she stops at a little cabin door.

“What do you mean?”

Oh… how do I put it to words…?

“When I say I want you, it’s more than just tasting your lips, or feeling your skin against mine… it’s… what do I want to say..?”

Her face softens, and she looks me in the eye as she places her hand on my breastplate.

“You can tell me anything, daelha.”

That’s… that’s exactly what I have been trying to say.

“That’s just it. I think I can tell you anything. I’ve never known anyone I trust this much, or had anyone become so precious to me. Each morning I wake up, my first thought is of you, and I get this hope I’ve never had before. Maybe I shouldn’t go on…”

“Kai, you can’t just start to say something like that and then clam up. I want to hear what you were going to say… please.”

Why is my throat dry? What if it is too soon? Will I scare her away? Just say it, damn it!

“Lucille, I think I’m in love with you.”

She smiles, and suddenly all of my worries melt away when she stands on her toes and kisses me.

“Should I take that as a good sign?”

She grabs me by the hand once again and opens the cabin door with a grin.

“Maybe... It certainly isn’t a bad one…”

I lean down and nip her ear, earning me a cute squeak.

“Then kiss me again, and I might be satisfied.”

She leads me into the cabin, then shuts and locks the door.

“I think... I have a better idea.”

Now you are speaking my language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That is a drinking game that resulted in a family reunion of about 15 people going straight to hell. Only the six kids were sober - I was one of them. We had to hire a bus to take everyone home. Consider this - the first five sentences of this chapter would have had everyone do eight shots.
> 
> It's brutal.
> 
> So, we all know the group is heading to the Retching Netch when they get off the boat and Kaidan has to carry our dear scholar because he cannot stand.  
> What a wonderful first impression for Lucille's father, huh?


	30. Serjo Sero

When I see Raven Rock, I almost cry.

This place… I helped it grow. I helped it get started… and now it is almost in shambles.

“B’vehk… what happened here, Gjalund..?”

The ship captain sighed as he pulled the boat up to the dock. Lucien vomits over the side of the boat and I hear Kaidan chiding the kid for drinking with sailors. Well, he had to learn somehow.

“From what I understand, the East Empire Company shut down the ebony mines, and then abandoned the settlement a long time ago.”

“Those fetchers… I will see what I can do. I know those mines have more ore in them, there’s just some kwama pile that was dropped to keep the town complacent for some reason.”

“Now you are sounding like old Crescius. You two going to need some help getting your friend there to the cornerclub?”

I look at Kaidan, and he shrugs. Suddenly, he picks Lucien up bridal style, and smiles.

“No, I think he’s got it. Juohn, f’lah.”

He grins and replies with ease.

“Ju’rohn. San juli!”

I step onto the dock with Kaidan in tow, and soon we are set upon by a Dunmer who apparently has sat on one of Mephala’s spindly legs.

“I don’t recognize you, so I’ll assume this is your first visit to Raven Rock outlander. State your intentions.”

I try not to laugh at his assumption, only letting out a silent snicker, which made him turn violet with rage

“We are here on an expedition, sedura. My fri-”

He shrieks, and I immediately remembered why I hated the nobility here, too.

“You mock me and my accent, s’wit? Out. Out!”

I groan and pull down the right side of my greaves, revealing the Redoran Brand, and the mer’s face turns to a shade of plum with embarrassment. Oh, he knows damn well who I am.

I pull my greaves back into place and hiss,

“I have just as much of a right to be here as you do, sera.”

“I- I’m sorry, I didn’t realize-”

“It is fine, I am used to it. Outlanders, and all that. Now please, I must get my friend here a bed, because he learned the hard way that Nordic sailors are not very fun to drink with.”

He casts a withering glance at Lucien, and then to Kaidan. His eyes narrow in curiosity at his appearance, but then he sighs.

“Yes, very well, Archmaster. Follow me.”

\------------------------------------------------------

Archmaster of House Redoran?!

By the Divines… this woman keeps on surprising me.

“Lucille, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Aside from the fact that everyone tries to treat me like royalty? I just did not want you to see me as some stuffy housewoman who sits around and orders people to do her bidding.”

“I did not realize you resented your position, serjo…”

“Wasn’t my choice. Bolvyn Venim challenged me to a duel.”

His brow furrows and I see him piece the puzzle together. He looks at Lucille’s hand and sees her ring, and she sighs out loud before he even gets a chance to say a word.

“You will not tell anyone unless I order it. Clear?”

“Ah… yes. Crystal.”

He leads us to a strange stone building that reminds me of some sort of crab, and holds the door for us. Lucille steps inside and freezes, blocking my way. I squeeze by, muttering something along the lines of “sorry love,” when suddenly I feel the tip of a dagger pressed against my throat.

“What did you just call her, s’wit?”

Oh shit.

\-----------------------------------

“Ata! Put that down!”

I turn to look at Lucille, and then back at this man who is holding a very inebriated Imperial in his arms. Classy.

“Answer the question, outlander.”

His eyes harden, but then he looks over at Lucille with a grin.

“Well, now I know where you get it from.”

The bloody nerve of this s’wit... I almost make up my mind to draw the blade across his throat until Lucille grabs my hand and disarms me the way I taught her to.

“Ata, listen to me, and listen to me well - I am a grown woman. I don’t need you to threaten every man I have eyes for.”

Damn it.

“Fine, but if he tries anything…”

“You won’t be the one to do it. I will.”

The man stiffens then, as though he realized that she could take him out in a pinch if she has to. Good reaction - at least he has a survival instinct.

“Hm. Fair enough.”

I stand aside and let the brute pass, and find myself wondering why the hell she showed up on this damn rock with two outlanders.

“What are you doing here, little scrib?”

She sighs and takes a seat in the chair across from the one I was sitting in. I sit down and watch as a familiar set of emotions dance across her face.

“Shit. Again?”

She pulls out a little flask and takes a swig of it with a sigh.

“Yep. Could use some help if you’re willing…”

I grin and raise my bottle.

“Lead on. But first, I need the whole story, to see if we need to make a trip to Ald’ruhn…”

\----------------------------------------------

I paid the barkeep for a room, and once he led us there, I pulled out a bedroll from one of the shelves and laid it on the ground to put Lucien on. Damn kid - if he had kept his head clear, I would not have been left in a defenseless position.

Oh gods… her father. Her father is here, and I am going to die.

I sit at the edge of the bed and rub the place where the tip of his dagger had been pressed. Moron… you should not have said anything... Now I have to deal with the pressure of trying to impress her father, on top of this mess with Lucien’s little trip that’s gonna cost Lucille some of her sanity.

I almost get up to leave when I hear the door open, and I turn to see Teldryn come in. He pulls up a chair, sits in it with a grunt, and lights a pipe.

“So... I got a little test for you…”

Fuck.

He grins and takes a puff from his pipe, then speaks after he exhales.

“You see, I like to take potential suitors that decide they want my girl’s hand on a little trip. We see all sorts of things on the way to Ald’ruhn. We then go to the balcony once we get there, and I toss them over the edge. If they bounce, they get a date. You willing to try your chances?”

How absolutely barbaric…

Wait a minute.

“Uhm… No offense, but Ald’ruhn only has one story… it doesn’t have a balcony.”

He sits in silence for a moment, chewing the mouthpiece of his pipe, then stands up, sliding the chair back to its original place.

“He’s the one.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Teldryn isn't looking for a willingness to do stupid shit for Lucille. He is looking for a brain that can think in tough situations, hence the absurdity of his little "test." Ald'ruhn is well known throughout Tamriel for having been made from the shell of an Emperor land-crab known as Skar, and also for the vast series of manors beneath it. There is no need to build up.
> 
> As for Lucille's lofty status in House Redoran, you can join one of three great houses in the game Morrowind - The Telvanni, who are wizards, the Hlaalu, the merchant/rogues, and the Redoran, the warriors and the Leaders. In my playthrough, I worked Lucille hard and got her up to Archmaster. I was aiming for councilman, but eh, I'm a completionist.


	31. Ashtorms and Asinine Comments

I… I passed?

Teldryn saunters out of the room, and Lucille peers around the doorway with a brilliant smile

“Knew you could do it, daelha.”

I smile.

“I survived?”

She comes in and sits beside me with a laugh.

“Well, he did say you’re the one, didn’t he?”

Oh, thank the divines.

“However…”

Damn. Knew it couldn’t be that easy.

“Oh, don’t get your trousers in a wad. He’s just protective of me. What I suggest doing now is being nice to Lucien. Good impressions, you know?”

“Any father is protective of their daughter, but usually they don’t hold a dagger to their man’s throat…”

“Well, you have to consider the fact that I have been through a lot more than most women, Kaidan, and he was there through most of it. He just wants to be sure that I’m not going to be hurt.”

“Did you mean what you said, you’d kill me if I cause problems?”

She looks at me in disbelief.

“Why yes, love, I would eat your heart and run to find someone else. No, I would talk it out with you like a civilized human being and try to resolve the issue. I’d never hurt you - I was just trying to keep my father from doing something rash, because believe me, he would have.”

I believe it.

“Do the Dunmer have any courting traditions or customs I need to know about?”

“You’re full of questions, aren’t you, Daelha? Well, the Dunmer tend to be very selective in choosing a partner - they have to live several hundred years with them, so they tend to date for much longer than the mannish races. It is generally frowned upon here in Morrowind for a man and mer to court due to the fact the human would age much faster than the mer. It sends a message of commitment issues on the mer's part. I’m a special case - I don’t age at all due to Corprus. However, I am a human, so that muddies the waters a good bit.”

Oh.

“Do you believe in such things..?”

“Well, seeing as I am not leaving you anytime soon, no, I don’t. Everyone is deserving of love. You make me happy, and I hope I make you happy.” 

I smile.

“I love you.”

She leans in and places a kiss on my cheek.

“Love you too. We better get some rest, before he wakes up with the worst hangover he’s probably going to experience. Azura knows tomorrow is going to be rough, with Ata being his overprotective self and Lucien’s complaining.”

“Mm. You’re not wrong.”

\---------------------------------------------

Oh divines, I have made a terrible mistake, drinking on the Northern Maiden.

I open my eyes and the candlelight is almost blinding. Gods... and my mouth is dryer than my father’s humor.

“Ugh… what have I done..?”

Lucille groans and Kaidan wakes up with a huff.

“Look who’s up. So, learn your lesson, f’lah?”

“Divines, not so loud! Yes, I learned quite well!”

She laughs and stands up, then pulls a healing potion from her bag and hands it to me.

“This will help, but you had more drinks than even half a flask of sujamma, so don’t be surprised if it doesn’t alleviate most of your problems.”

I’ll take anything at this point.

As I drink the potion like it was water, a Dunmer in the strangest armor I have ever seen comes in and places a kiss to Lucille’s forehead then looks over at me.

“Oh good, he’s awake.”

“Lucille..? Who’s he?”

“Hm? Oh! This is Teldryn, my father.”

“She even has my charming looks! I’m surprised you couldn’t tell.”

Ah, so that’s where she gets her sarcasm.

She laughs, and Teldryn smiles. Kaidan looks quite scared, but if you didn’t know the man you would mistake it for indifference.

I stand up and wobble, earning myself a laugh from Kaidan, and Teldryn snorts in response, earning himself an elbow from Lucille.

Oh, I see what’s happening here.

“So… when do we set off for Dumzbthar..?”

“Whoa now, you can barely stand, lad. We need to get you something to eat an a bit more rest before we head out into unfamiliar terrain.”

Kaidan’s being nice - he’s actually scared... I’m scared for him, too.

Teldryn looks over at him and grins with barely concealed malice. Ah, intimidation...

“Ah, but if you knew so much about Ald’ruhn, you should know a good bit about the landscape here.”

“Look, I only know about the layout of Ald’ruhn. Big crab shell that was hollowed out. That’s how I know there was no balcony. I hadn't been to Morrowind, but Lucille carries it with her, so I am trying my best to be the person for her.”

Teldryn looks satisfied for a brief moment, then turns to face me.

“We won’t be going out anytime soon. There’s an ash storm outside, and only a fool would try to brave it.”

“How bad do the ashstorms get here?”

He hums and sits in a chair by the door, and pulls out an old pipe with a worn mouthpiece. 

“Eh. Not as bad as the ones in the Molag Amur region back on Vvardenfell, but they do get pretty harsh at times…”

He lights the tobacco in the pipe and takes a drag, and exhales.

“... that does not mean it is smart to travel in a little one. I’m sure Lucille gave you two face scarves and a pair of goggles each?”

I nod, and he gives a sly grin.

"It's a shame. I won't see your face when you see all the tricks I have up my sleeves."

Lucille groans and heads out of the room, and Kaidan almost gets up to run away, but he maintains his calm to follow without making a scene, leaving me and Teldryn.

“What did you say to him when you met?”

The mer raises an eyebrow and looks at me with a sly grin.

“So he _is_ nervous, then! He hides it well. I didn’t say much - a dagger to the throat said exactly what it needed to. So... tell me about him. What's he like?”

I almost say something about that thick skull of his, but then I realize his game- he's trying to find weaknesses. Is this what my father would be like if I had a sister?

“Well, he’s actually rather intelligent, for someone who learned to wield a sword before he could read. He'd have made a good scholar in a different life. Good person.”

Teldryn raises an eyebrow and takes another drag of his pipe, speaking on the exhale.

“Would you say the same of Lucille?”

“I’m sorry..?”

“She’s the same way. That orphanage didn’t teach her shit, left the little lads and lasses to their own devices. That's why she ran off and got into trouble, which put her on the boat to Seyda Neen. She wasn’t fully literate in Imperial until she was thirteen, and she wasn’t fluent in Dunmeris until she was twenty two. N’chow… ever try to teach a teenager to read? Stubborn little ash hoppers. Caius had a hell of a time trying to get her to read a simple spell tome. She still favors the blade to this day.”

Oh. Oops…

“I meant nothing by it, of course…”

He laughs. 

“Loosen up, outlander. You didn’t know.”

\-----------------------------------------------------

I look up from my drink and see Kaidan sit beside me with a groan. I snicker and lean into him, and he gladly wraps an arm around me.

“Your father’s gonna take some getting used to.”

“If he said you’re the one, he’s actually afraid you’re gonna steal me away.” 

He grins.

“So I’m fine, then.”

“Of course. Come on, we need to get breakfast for everyone.”

“Please tell me we are not eating bugs, Lucille… I don't think I can handle it...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next, there is going to be a lot of nostalgia for Lucille and we the people who have played Morrowind.
> 
> A dunmer breakfast, a greatsword, a story, and a personal theory will all be unveiled during their journey to Dumzbthar.


	32. The Incarnate, the Witches, and the Greatsword

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me take a moment and tell you about a certain writer who I've been following for a long time.
> 
> Airiat is their name, and like me, they have brought the Nerevarine into Skyrim, but in the form of a familiar face.
> 
> Although she's on a hiatus, it still would be a good idea to check her works out. Some are mature, but then again, so is my fic.
> 
> Give her some love for me, will ya?
> 
> Airiat, may Azura light your path!

“What are these?”

I smile.

“Kwama eggs with Scrib Jelly sandwiches.”

Kaidan almost gags and I can’t stop myself from laughing. Teldryn just mutters something about n’wahs under his breath, and Lucien looks curious, as always.

“Come on, Daelha - you have not even tried it. Do you want to be the traveler who is known for refusing to try local cuisine? It is also unwise to travel on an empty stomach, so you don’t have much of a choice.”

He looks conflicted, then groans.

“Fine, give me the damn thing. How do you… uh… eat a kwama egg?”

“Just crack it at the end and swallow its contents. Easy.”

He stares at me with a pleading look in his eye, and I signal with my hand that Teldryn is paying attention. That seemed to give him some strength, and he cracked it open and was surprised to see it looked a lot like a chicken’s egg on the inside, but creamier. He brings the shell up to his lips and drinks it.

We all watch in anticipation as he finishes it off. He sets the shell down and clears his throat.

“Well, uh… I think I still prefer chicken’s eggs, but that wasn’t what I was expecting. Not bad.”

Teldryn groans and picks up a sandwich and Lucien eagerly begins cracking his Kwama egg to eat.

Ata really thinks I didn't see his smirk, does he?

“Well, if you liked that, then I think you would like the sandwiches, too.”

\-------------------------------------------------------------

We set out about midday, after the ash storm died down. 

I look out over the landscape and all I see is home, or what's left of it. I smile, and I think back to the marshlands of the Ascadian isles, the deserts and foyadas of the Molag Amur region, the Bitter Coast, the grasslands of the West Gash, the Ashlands, the hundred isles of Azura’s coast, the fungal forest of Zafirbel bay, and the green hills of the grazelands. I miss it all… 

I miss it all. 

Red Mountain has stolen the life from the land, and it has taken so long to rebuild, but the land will never be the same.

As that thought crossed my mind, I remember the poem Teldryn would read to me every night before bed, despite Caius’ complaints about making noise;

“Rise from darkness, Red Mountain,  
Spread your dark clouds and green vapors!  
Birth earthquakes, shatter stones,  
Feed the winds with fire!  
Flay the tents of the tribes from the land,  
Feed the burned earth with our souls…  
Yet never shall you have your rule over me!  
Never shall I tremble or flinch from your power!  
Never shall I yield my home and hearth,  
And from my tears shall spring forth  
The flowers of Grassland springs.”

I shed a tear and smile. It has been too long. Maybe one day I will have the honor of reciting that poem to someone dear to me.

Lost in thought, I tune out the men chattering behind me, and before I know it, we approach Brodir grove.

I wonder if those four are in their preferred afterlife.

Then, a fireball flies past my face, breaking me out of my ruminations.

Reavers.

Teldryn conjures his flame atronach, much to Kaidan’s chagrin, and Lucien pulls the bow from his back and fires an arrow, expertly hitting the culprit in the heart.

I’ve taught him well.

Soon, two other reavers run from around the pillars, and I take on the first, and Kaidan has already beheaded the second. I dodge the reaver’s mace, and bash him with my shield before I plunge Trueflame into his heart.

“Did you see that? Did you see that? That. Was. Awesome!”

Kaidan chuckles and claps a hand on Lucien's shoulder.

“Good shot, lad. Seems your training has finally paid off.”

“Of course it has! I have you and Lucille training me!”

Teldryn then looks at me and gives a knowing smile.

“Well well… The pupil has become the master. I’m certain he’ll spin a good story under you, little scrib.”

“We already are, Ata, and you know he isn't the first I have trained."

"The Blades at Cloud Ruler needed a trainer and you stepped up out of duty. The difference is that you have taken Lucien under your wing because you care about him. Don't think I didn't notice your first dagger at his hip."

He spills all my secrets, doesn't he? He's worse than Lyra.

I shake my head and smile, then go to loot the reaver encampment, and soon my eyes land on a familiar blade, clasped tightly in the hands of the reaver Lucien shot.

“Azura… is that..? Kaidan, come here.”

He reluctantly steps forward and kneels down to look at the sword. Lucien runs up and almost topples me over, leaning over me to get a look too.

“That is Stormfang. Remember the friend I mentioned I got your nickname from? Well, his name was Ulfgar the Unending. His friends were… one of them betrayed the group, and these stone pillars are what remains of those who were betrayed. Ulfgar wanted my help to avenge them. Well, we got snowed in before we could leave his house, so we were stuck there for two days. We became fast friends. Well, when the snow melted, we set off, and after we avenged Hunroor, Erlindr, and Nikulas, he asked for my help in reaching Sovngarde. He was already an old man, and did not want to die from anything other than battle, so I did as he asked, and we fought to the death. He is buried here, somewhere, and I used his sword, Stormfang, as a grave marker. I think if anyone is deserving of his blade, it is you.”

Teldryn pipes up.

“I actually agree with the little lady. You are quite honorable.”

Kaidan almost sheds a tear, but instead his eyes fill with determination. He lifts Stormfang, and marvels at the patterns etched into the blade.

“I will do my best to uphold his legacy.”

I smile.

“I knew that name fit you well.”

\------------------------------------------------------

While Lucille cremates the remains of the dunmer, I mull over what she said.

Looking back to the day we met, she had called me Swordsman before she even learned my name. She saw a man of honor, worthy of the halls of Sovngarde, not the darkness that has forever darkened my name.

I put the sword on my back, and it settles like it truly belonged.

Maybe there is hope for me yet.

Lucille takes the lead again, and we soon enter a snowy region much like The Pale of Skyrim.

“Son, your mind is quite noisy. Are you alright?”

I look over and am shocked to find out that it was, indeed, Teldryn who spoke to me.

“I… yes. I think I will be.”

He nods once and pulls a cigar from his pocket. He lit it with a snap of his fingers and grinned.

“Well, I just wanted to apologize for my attitude. Lucille’s been through more than even I have, and I am twice her age. I-”

“Wait, I thought you were closer in age to her!”

He laughs at Lucien’s statement, and sighs.

“Ah, I wish. No, lad, I’m an old mer. I was around… eh… two hundred and four when I was sent to fetch her from that prison boat in Seyda Neen? Met Saint Jiub there, too. Anyway, I never thought I’d be the type to have a kid, much less adopt one, but here she is, and I wouldn’t do anything differently if I were to go back.”

He looks at me and ponders for a moment. Finally, he speaks quite gently, surprising me.

“Did she tell you that she will outlive you, ser?”

“Aye. And I’m alright with that. She makes me a better man, a happier man. I don’t think I could see a life without her, really.”

Teldryn looks into my eyes, and hums. He pulls on his ear and tips his head toward Lucille.

'She’s listening.'

Teldryn removes a glove and points to his left ring finger with a brow raised in question, and I immediately understand what he's asking.

‘Are you asking for my approval for her hand in marriage?’

At first, my reaction was shock to his question. I hadn’t even thought of marriage.

But then, I think back to all we have done, all we have seen. We have made eachother happy, and I know in my heart that I can never be without her.

I think I would marry her, if she’d have me.

I nod, and he puts his glove back on as he looks ahead of us at Lucille.

He taps his head. ‘I’ll think on it.’

\--------------------------------------------

Those two are confusing. I know they are speaking without words to avoid Lucille’s enhanced hearing, but I can’t figure out just what they are saying.

I run to catch up to Lucille, because those two are just being weird and it is really bothering me.

“Hey! Where are we headed?”

She looks at me, and I see she looks happy. That’s good - she’s usually kind of grouchy!

“We are headed to Moesring pass. When we get there, keep an eye out for little blue goblins called rieklings. Those fetchers are mean. Holler if you see a boar or a riekling, because they can throw spears with surprising accuracy, and they train boars to fight for them.”

Sounds… terrifying.

“Noted.”

I look ahead, and I see a stone altar surrounded by stone pillars. Lucille must have seen it too, because she freezes. Teldryn soon runs up and takes her by the shoulders and begins to guide her away.

“Little scrib, let’s keep going… don’t look at it, okay?”

“Ata.. they killed someone… I smell blood...”

Who's 'they'..?

Kaidan runs up and he, too, starts fussing over her.

“Lucille… the hags are dead by now… it’s been two centuries.”

“No. I smell magic in the air. I knew I should have killed them when I had the chance.”

She steps forward and we follow her to a gruesome sight; There, on the altar was a woman. Her heart was torn out, and put back in, and she was cut to pieces.

Lucille growls, and turns into a glacial cavern that was nearby.

The inside was decorated quite similarly to how the forsworn would, and when we round a bend, we come face to face with three hagravens. I almost draw my weapon, but Lucille signals not to.

What in Oblivion is going on here?

“Ettienne. Fallaise. Isobel. What...”

“Well, look who’s back. Sorry, it’s a little too late to take us up on that cure.”

“Why’s that, hag?”

“Like our sisters in Skyrim, we needed to become hagravens to stand against the very thing everyone suffers from but you; Age. The ritual requires frequent sacrifices, and we just finished with our last one. We won't need another one for about a year.”

Lucille bellows, shaking the icicles that hang above us.

“You offered a cure as payment for letting you murder an innocent to become hagravens?!”

“Nothing is without a price, pup. You of all people should know that.”

She inhales, and suddenly she shouts, throwing the three hagravens a good distance from where they were standing, and we all begin to attack them.

I must admit, I really hate killing anything, but these witches…? Ugh.

Soon, they are all dead, and she falls to her knees and begins to cry.

We all run to her and embrace her as she sobs something about being a beast, and I say what's on everyone's mind,

"I don't care. Kaidan doesn't care. I am willing to bet Teldryn doesn't care. We don't care what you are. We don't care WHO you are. We just care about YOU. You are not alone in this, Lucille. Not anymore."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am... quite proud of this chapter, because it was a rollercoaster of nostalgia and emotion for me. The poem in the chapter is from the book "The Five Far Stars," and appears in both Morrowind and Skyrim, and it has always been my favorite in-game book. 
> 
> As for the Greatsword and the Witches, these are both from quests in the Bloodmoon expansion of Morrowind, which is set on Solstheim, and these two things show up in the Dragonborn expansion as well. Ugh - I remember the impact from the nostalgia when I found these references for the first time in Skyrim.
> 
> We reach Dumzbthar next, and another bombshell is dropped on Lucille, and it is huge.


	33. Sharing Chains, pt. 1

I don’t remember the rest of the walk from the Altar of Thrond. All I know is that one second I was there, and now we are here at Dumzbthar.

I feel it, beneath my feet, miles underground - the gate. Dormant, but very much ready to open at any time.

Kaidan senses my unease and places his hand on my shoulder, and I almost cry. He’s too good for me, with me being the way I am.

Soon, the silence is broken by Lucien’s eager voice,

“So this is it! Dumzbthar. Quick, let’s head inside! I can’t wait to see it!”

Teldryn just chuckles, probably remembering when I used to be like him.

Neither Teldryn or Lucien have any idea what we will encounter, and I look at Kaidan to see the same look we shared back in Riverwood.

Innocence is only temporary, and the past likes to chase people down.

I unlock the gate and lead the group onto the lift, and when I pull the lever, I feel like I am falling forward.

Fire. Death. Blood. Smoke. Stop, please!

I pull out my flask of sujamma and take a mouthful to clear my mouth of the ash from outside and to ground me once again and swallow, not wanting to do something as uncivilized as spitting it out.

“Little scrib, why are you so wound up?”

N’chow, I miss when people couldn't read my bloody mind...

“I’m sorry, Ata… I can’t say.”

Teldryn looks at me funny, but then a look of understanding crosses his face when he looks at Kaidan’s nervousness, and Lucien’s giddy attitude. He sighs, and falls silent.

“Goodness, who died?”

“Lucien, you realize we are walking into a Dwemer ruin that could possibly kill us, and you are giggling like a maiden.”

I elbow Kaidan and he tries to stifle a chuckle when we look back to see Lucien red in the face from the comparison to a young woman.

“I have done no such thing! I am just excited, I have been wanting to see this place since I was a boy!”

We all laugh then, and for a moment our troubles are forgotten.

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The lift stops, and we all step into the stone hall. Once again, Lucien breaks the silence.

“I can’t believe we’re actually here! Let’s have a good look around. There’s no knowing what we may find!”

Oh, kid… don’t say that.

The four of us walk down the stone halls and into a place that looks a lot like living quarters, and as we move on, we walk into a mess hall. We are all forced to stop when Lucien ogles a cooking area that uses flammable gas, and Lucille has to drag him away by his collar.

“It is best to keep moving, boy. Can’t let anything get the drop on us - automatons are quite stealthy, if need be.”

I look over at Teldryn as Lucille continues to talk to Lucien, and watch as he plays with a little flame in his hand, making little figures out of the flames as we walk.

I suppose some magic is alright.

“Boethia's Balls, get off of me!”

I look forward and see Lucille grab a dwarven spider off of her back and throw it, and deflects it with her shield when it jumps at her again.

Teldryn and Lucien charge fire spells and begin blasting it with flames, and before I can get a swing in with my sword, I hear a bang and it stops moving.

“What the hell was that?”

Lucille shakes her head, recovering from the volume of the sound, and says a little loudly,

“The boiler exploded. Couldn’t handle the pressure from the steam made by these two using their flames. Effective, but I really hate having to yell to hear myself.”

Lucien mutters an apology and Teldryn laughs, making Lucille glare at him.

As we trudge on, we encounter a vast underground cavern, and at the far end is a massive door.

Lucille and I once again look at eachother and we take the lead together.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Those two know something, and it is big. As much as I trust Lucille, I can’t shake the feeling that this is going to end in a way that breaks either bones or hearts.

As we approach the massive door, Lucien says something and I almost sigh at the boy’s ignorance. He’s as brilliant as Lucille, but I have to keep reminding myself he’s still a little green.

“Look at this door! I’ve never seen anything like it! Obviously, whatever the dwemer were keeping here must be pretty special. The question is, how do we get it open?”

No, the question is what’s inside, outlander!

We all watch as Lucille and Lucien walk up a set of stairs and begin to examine a mechanism, and as they chatter, Lucien calls out,

“Kaidan, can you go press the button on the other side?”

Kaidan walks up the other set of stairs and presses the button at the same time as Lucille does, and soon the massive door begins to slide upwards, quiet as Mephala’s whispers.

Then, we are confronted with another door with two more buttons…

“Looks like the same arrangement here. Lucille, if you hit that other button, the first door should close, and with a bit of luck the second should open.”

“Alright. But I swear if something jumps out at us, Lucien, I will make sure you will use swears from every region in Tamriel.”

Kaidan nudges her with his elbow,

“I’m sure we will handle it if it comes to that, darling…”

“Fine.”

Lucille walks up the steps and presses the button, and the door behind us begins to close.

I look at her, and I see her begin to hyperventilate, and I look at Kaidan and gesture to her. The man then begins trying to distract her, and soon the second door begins to open.

Malacath’s toenails…

“Watch out! A steam centurion!”

I draw Hopesfire and summon my atronach, and the daedra and I begin throwing fireballs at this hunk of metal as Kaidan runs down and begins taking out the leg joints.

Lucille and Lucien draw their bows, and I hear her tell him to aim for the center of the chest to take out the soul gem.

Eventually the machine goes down, but not without a final blow placed at Kaidan’s chest, throwing him into a nearby pile of rubble. Lucille shrieks and immediately has a potion to his lips as he tries to tell her he’s fine. However, her fussing proves fruitful as he takes the potion and drinks it.

N’chow. If a steam centurion is guarding the very entrance to this place, then-

“Ah. Visitors.”

Ha! Fuck that.

“Did you hear that? I don’t suppose it could have been the wind? Underground wind? That talks?”

“I hate to say it, but this is probably going to get nasty. What in the name of Mephala have you gotten me into, Lucy?”

She wheels around and glares at me like I just called her an ogrim.

“Don’t call me that, I’m not a little girl anymore, Ata... And like I said before, I cannot say. Neither can he. We are not supposed to say anything.”

Lucien pipes up behind me,

“Wait, what is going on? What are you talking about?”

She groans

“Ash and ice… I have already said too much. Come on, we need to keep moving.”

This is going to suck balls, isn’t it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We can all agree that the moment the first door starts to close in Dumzbthar, we get quite scared. Who wouldn't, save for Lucien?


	34. Sharing Chains, pt. 2

When the second lift stops, I lead the group down a hall to my right, and soon I am faced with assembly lines for various types of machinery.

This must be one of the factories the Dwemer used to supply the army at Red Mountain with automatons. However, this is the only assembly line I have ever laid eyes on out of the hundreds of ruins I have been to...

“This must be the animonculory! It’s where they put automatons together. Although… I understood they typically managed one a day. These assembly lines, on the other hand… they suggest this place was much, much faster. But how?”

Oh, I don’t know, maybe daedric power? But… I thought the Dwemer scorned-

“Oh, that would be me.”

I grab Kaidan’s hand out of reflex and he gives it a reassuring squeeze, despite having turned stark white, himself.

“That voice again! Who’s speaking, please?”

I hiss quietly,

“Lucien, don’t interact with it..!”

He ignores me, and the voice returns.

“I am Dumzbthar.”

Right, and I am Queen Barenziah.

“You’re… the facility? What do you mean?”

Teldryn runs up to me and hisses,

“Is this a bloody daedra?”

I remain silent, opting to listen to the voice booming through the facility and Lucien being foolish enough to keep responding to it.

“I am the… intelligence governing it. My masters thought the place would benefit from a central core, keeping everything running smoothly. To the extent that, it would seem, they simply left me to it.”

“Are you talking about the Dwemer? They built you? But how? What actually are you? And how do you even speak our language?”

“Oh I didn’t, until your arrival. My masters equipped me with a low level psychic field, to communicate with the drones. I’ve had time to improve it. I’m using it now to borrow your voice. I hope you don’t mind.”

“Er… not at all! Please, help-”

Kaidan growls quietly,

“Lucien, do not finish that statement.”

“You two have been acting weird since we got here, and it is really bothering Teldryn and I! What is going on with you two?”

For the love of-

“N'chow! Lucien, I already told Teldryn that I cannot say. I will not say. I. Am. Not. Allowed. To. Azura commanded it, now get off my ass. It sucks, I know, but you will come to understand in time.”

Teldryn speaks up,

“Lucille, can you at least give us some ground rules?”

“Yeah. Quit asking that question, and do not agree to anything that voice says. Clear?”

The voice booms with laughter overhead and I hiss,

“You are quite the thinker. I like you.”

I ignore it and push on, leading everyone through ankle deep waters. Soon, Lucien pipes up again and it takes everything in my power not to yell at him.

“Uh, Mr. Dumzbthar, sir? You mentioned you can communicate with the automatons. Would you awfully mind shutting them down for us?”

Kaidan half whispers, also trying not to yell,

“You bloody moron, did she not just say-”

“But my dear master Flavius, if I shut them down, how ever would they kill you?”

Everyone stops in their tracks but me, and I draw Trueflame with a snarl.

Lucien whimpers, then finally speaks,

“You… want them to kill us?”

“But of course. You… or more specifically, your lady friend there, will be my salvation. But first, you very much need to die. Don’t bother trying to leave, I’ve taken the liberty of sealing the door. Apologies.”

I thought… I thought this was his story. Why? Why must it always be me? I can’t breathe.. I can’t breathe..!

“Lucille, come on, I know we can do this. Look at me. Look at me!”

My eyes snap to Kaidan, and suddenly I realize he has me in his arms, and I sigh, trying to relish in the comfort he is attempting to give me. He leans his chin on top of my head and sighs.

“Damn… the world really treats people like us like shit, eh?”

I laugh bitterly.

“As I've said before, 'Better to suffer a wrong than to do one.'”

I stand away from him and lead everyone further into the ruin, and once we get into another hall, the voice taunts me, goads me…

“I must say, you’re doing remarkably well. Yes… you will make an excellent vessel.”

Teldryn and Kaidan get very pissed at that statement, and Lucien now looks genuinely afraid, and there is nothing I can do or say to alleviate his terror.

“I don’t like the sound of that…”

“Nobody does, Lucien!”

“Hey, it was you and Lucille who didn't tell-”

“If you two don’t-”

“Shut up. Just… shut up! Everyone!”

They turn to look at me, and Teldryn is the only one to speak.

“Lucille…”

“No. Not now. Let’s push on, I want out of this damn place, and the only way out is through.”

I turn a corner and am once again facing a lift. I sigh and pull the lever, finding myself feeling that same numbness I had back in Cyrodiil, in Morrowind, on Solstheim...

I am once again a slave to the chains of fate, and more just keep getting added on, and there is nothing anyone can do to save me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next two chapters will be... hard, but I am saying this now to express that Lucille is a fighter, through and through, and now that her family is under threat, she will do anything in her power to keep them unharmed, even if it means she could die. Things go sideways with possessed automatons and the boiling water of the engine room, and she nearly dies. And then she faces Dumzbthar, and learns more about herself, bringing about a personal quest for more answers.
> 
> Warning: This will be graphic, and there is a dissociative state Teldryn helps break her out of. I will post summaries for those who do not wish to read it through.


	35. Paradigm Shift, part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team fights a machine possessed by a daedra, and Lucille dissociates and sees herself in Bruma again. Teldryn brings her back, and they fight tunnelers. Lucille figures out the number of valves under the surface of the boiling water in the engine room and manages to not only shut the engine off, but escape the water. She is in terrible condition, but the group manages to heal her as best they can, but she has some serious scarring. They then approach the Oblivion gate, and the chapter ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some sensitive content in it. You have been warned.

After the lift stops, I watch as Lucille steps off the platform and freezes.

“Lucille… what’s wrong?”

“Sshh!”

We all fall quiet, and soon we see a dwarven automaton peer out from a corner, and I swear to Akatosh I have never seen anything like it. It almost acted like it was... alive.

It looks about for the sound of our voices, and Lucille signals for us to back into the shadows as she draws her bow.

When she drew back, it must have heard the arms creak, because it let out a shriek that could have never been made by a normal machine.

We stood and braced ourselves, and it barreled after us in a loping gait that terrified us all, and Lucille only managed to raise her shield just as it took a swipe at her.

It was fast. Really fast.

Kaidan took the sword from the grove and brought it down on the machine’s back, and it howled in agony as sparks danced over its surface, and then died.

“What was that thing? It was almost as though it was… possessed!”

Lucille looked at me with a horrible sadness I have never seen in my life, and suddenly I knew why.

We are going to find something terrible here, and there is no escaping it. Then, Dumzbthar speaks,

“How very astute of you. Lord Khythozec liked to push boundaries. You might find some of my automatons are a little more… driven. Much like me.”

Lucille snarled and I swear her canines sharpened for a moment, and she led us down a corridor and soon nearly vanished into the shadows. Teldryn ran ahead and did the same, and they stood on either side of the hall.

Suddenly, Lucille begins speaking in Dunmeris to Teldryn, and he stiffens nervously, looking at Kaidan and I with a tired, almost depressed look in his eyes.

“[Father, how are we going to take on the Oblivion gate? There’s only us here! Where are the reinforcements?]”

Teldryn sighs, and gestures to Kaidan.

“[Lucy... who is that?]”

Names! Listen for names, Lucien...

She looks over at Kaidan in confusion, and I am getting more and more concerned.

“[Martin. Wait…] no… Kaidan?”

“Yep. Where are we?”

She pauses and looks around.

“...Dumzbthar.”

“What’s their name?”

He gestures to me, and Lucille looks at me with the same level of confusion she looked at Kaidan with. It… it hurt a bit, but I think I know what’s happening. My mother sometimes gets like this.

“Katie.”

“Lucy… look again.”

“Oh... Lucien…”

She then begins to ponder for a moment, and suddenly a tear falls. When she realizes she is crying, she stands up with a surprising amount of speed, and opens the doors, probably to avoid looking vulnerable.

Two dwarven tunnelers were there waiting for us, and she waited for one to slink over, and she sidestepped it as it lunged, stabbing its exposed wiring with Trueflame and shutting it down.

Kaidan used Stormfang again and grinned as it only took one simple blow to the other tunneler to take it down.

Then, we all watch as Lucille walks to the center of the room and pulls a stick of charcoal from her bag and begins writing elaborate equations on the floor.

“What in Oblivion is she doing, Lucien?”

“Hm… It looks like she is trying to figure out how many valves there are to shut off the engine.”

“I don’t follow…”

“Don’t worry too much about it, daelha.”

I step over, look at the equation and smile. She truly must have trained under the Telvanni, if she did not go to the Arcane University at some point in her life.

“Lucille, if I am reading this right, I would guess there are…”

“Three valves. Get some healing potions ready, and for the love of Azura, do not panic... this needs to be done.”

“Wait, what are you-”

She takes off her armor without warning, and then dives beneath the surface of the water. Boiling water! She went in there, into boiling water!

Kaidan hollers in anguish and Teldryn has to cast a calming spell on all of us, or we would have gone in after her. Oh gods, please…

It was only about ten seconds, but it felt like three hundred years, but she surfaced, dragging herself out of the water, and behind her the engine shut down. I don’t remember what Dumzbthar said, but I don’t care! We run to her and help her lean against a wall, and I can’t look her in the eyes… she... boiled herself alive, and I did nothing! Kaidan sniffles and begins to speak,

“Lucille, why in Oblivion did you do that?! Damn, you’re… you’re in a bad way, darling… here, a healing potion. Drink… and let’s take a moment to rest...”

She looks at him with cloudy eyes and silently takes the potion and downs it, takes a moment for it to work, but her skin begins to return to its natural cream color and her eyes heal. However, she is still terribly burned.

She takes a knee and groans, and it hurts to watch her hurt so terribly, I almost start to cry... instead, I pull another potion from my pack and gently push it to her lips, and she greedily downs it.

In a few moments, she raises a hand and casts a healing spell that heals everyone but her, and she hisses in frustration.

“Fucking… fine. I am fine. Thank you. Now let’s kill this son of a bitch.”

She stands and begins to put her armor on, and despite everyone’s protests, takes the lead.

Another roar echoes down the hall, and everyone but Kaidan freezes.

\--------------------------------------------------

Why is fate doing this to her? Or is it the Divines? I don't know! I have only seen a response like that from Brynjar one day as a lad when we fought some Altmer who attacked us on the road. Now that I think about it, they were Thalmor, but I didn’t know that at the time. Lucille must have thought she was back in the Oblivion Crisis because she called Lucien by Katie’s name and said Martin's name too.

Then, she dove into boiling water just to shut off an engine and came out looking like…

I don’t think I can truly describe what I saw.

She’s healed now, but her body is marred with patches where her skin… fell off, replacing many of her scars with dark patches. However, her face and tattoo were left untouched by these patches somehow. It is a miracle the damage to her eyes was fresh, or she would have gone blind. Her hair is okay, but it may need to be cut off to regrow, but she's more important than her hair.

I’m grateful she thought to remove her armor… getting it off her to heal her would have killed her as it would have melted to her while she was submerged.

She takes the lead again despite what just happened, and we all start shamelessly yelling at her, and it draws the attention of another machine that is possessed by a daedra.

I run ahead before it has the chance to attack Lucille, and I dodge a metal arm as I swing Stormfang from the side and upwards into the machine and watch as lightning destroys it from within.

This sword is badass, but nothing can compare to my Lucille.

\------------------------------------------

I don’t know how she does it… I know she was made to handle the worst shit on Nirn, but this is absurd, and I know it is tearing at her soul. This is not some bloody dwemer ruin - it is some other plane of Oblivion that has decided to torture Lucille... my little girl…

Azura… no man or mer should ever see their daughter boiled half to death…

I know the other two are just as shaken as I am, but god’s grief… we don’t know how to navigate these waters. Damn, what can we even say?

I watch as Lucien picks up a rather ornate looking pipe while lost in thought, but it slips from his fingers, as it was covered in oil, and falls to the stone floor with a clank.

“Damn it kid, can you not leave anything alone?”

“Sorry, sorry! I just get curious sometimes, is that alright with you, you brute?”

Here we go again…

Lucille snarls ahead of us, and almost shouts,

“If you two don’t stop bickering, I will make sure to take only one of you at a time when we get out of here. I can’t deal with this right now!”

She doesn’t mean that.

“Lucille, you and I both know you won’t do a damn thing, because you need them…”

She hisses and replies to me in a low growl.

“Ata, I just need them to shut up.”

She then freezes, and Kaidan is the first to reach her side and begin trying to distract her from something, and Lucien breaks into a run, and I take off after him, only to freeze at the sight before me.

Oh, Azura… why couldn’t she just say something…?


	36. Paradigm Shift, part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big news, big feels, and a big boom.
> 
> This one is not graphic, and it is much safer to read for us sensitive folk.

Breathe…

“My Gods… but that’s… impossible! An Oblivion gate? Here? But… this place was abandoned long before the Oblivion Crisis. And it’s no accident either… This whole chamber was built around it.”

Kaidan runs up and grabs me by the shoulders, turning me to him.

“Lucille, I’m here, love, just focus on me. Alright?”

I lean into him as he hums a song I can't remember the name to, drowning out the voices of Dumzbthar and Lucien, and for a second I see us at the cornerclub when he held me close that night, and I finally feel safe, here in his arms. Soon, his voice breaks me out of my reverie.

“Come on love, we are on the move again. Let’s go kill this bastard.”

I grit my teeth and pull away, once again drawing Trueflame from its sheath. Lucien takes the lead now, and we come across two observers, which were promptly destroyed by Teldryn and Lucien. He leads us further and further, and soon we are faced with a drawbridge.

“Ready?”

“Press the button, kid.”

The drawbridge drops, and we see several factotums, similar in design to the works of Sotha Sil, although much more crude, kneeling in prayer. Suddenly, Lucien spits venom.

“Oh goodness, are we interrupting something here? So terribly sorry.”

I laugh, because it is so unlike him to openly taunt something or someone, and then I step forward. The factotums stand, and I immediately pick out the leader of the group, leaping on it. It tries to throw me off, but as I probe around for the shut off, I find its soul gem and rip it out.

I nearly vomit at the sight.. A black soul gem.

The others follow my example and target the center of the factotum’s chests, taking them out with much more ease now that they knew where their weaknesses were.

I find a lexicon where the commander was kneeling, and put it in the recepticle, and a pair of doors open, just asking to be walked through.

Teldryn takes the lead then, and as we cross the threshhold of the doors and go up the stairs, I hear him swear something about Boethia’s rather androgynous features, making Lucien run ahead to see what the problem was. Kaidan leads me by the hand to the other two and soon I see a control room, and above us I feel a terrible daedric presence. I look up, and I see the machine the Dwemer have trapped this daedra in.

“At last. You’re here. Come, ascend to me. Look upon my physical form.”

Ash. Fire. Darkness. Death. Pain. Daedra...

I make to walk up the ramp to speak to this monstrosity, but Lucien grabs me by the sleeve and whispers his plan.

“The machine here… it looks like some kind of central control mechanism. You go on up. Stall him for awhile. Kaidan and Teldryn will be at the base of the ramp. I’ll see what I can make of this.”

I nod, and I begin to ascend. Each step feels heavier than the last, like the waters of Oblivion seek to swallow me whole, and soon I am facing the machine I have been dreading for the better part of a month without even knowing it. Soon, it opens, revealing a soul gem that is swirling in daedric power, and it makes me ill.

“Yes… I see you. So small and fragile, and yet despite all my attempts to kill you, you have resisted. I am impressed at your tenacity.”

“Why are you here, daedra?”

“Once, before all this, I was free. I roamed the planes of Oblivion, soaring on its currents of chaos, a lord among Daedra, answerable to none. In one single instant, my vestige was torn from its bliss, dragged through that portal and sealed in the heart of this… machine. My Dwemer masters turned me to their own uses. For the first time in my existence, I found myself bound by rules. Directives. Constraints. ‘Do no harm against the Dwemer.’ ‘Obey their commands.’ ‘Coordinate automaton production.’ ‘Assist lord Khythozec with his research.’ The machine held me to those directives - I could do nothing but follow them. But then the Dwemer left, and I was alone. I’ve been trapped here for thousands of years, can you even comprehend that? Trapped beneath the ground as the world above moves on. This is not my destiny. I will be free again.”

N’chow. Trapped for thousands of years, and I am really blaming him for wanting to leave?

“I... know how it feels to be bound to directives I cannot disobey… can you not leave in a Factotum? Lucien and I can build-”

He lets out a bitter laugh, and I am forced to feel sympathy once again for the monster who is trying to kill me and my family.

“Even if you were able to build an automaton powerful enough to hold me, my directives strictly forbid it. I cannot overrule them. Khythozec made them part of my very being. But do you know what I find truly interesting about them? They all refer to the _Dwemer._ Do no harm to the Dwemer, follow the instructions of the Dwemer. I have no rules regarding you. That gives me a way out. You are… unusual. Your body should not have a soul, and yet it does, and it can contain so much more.”

What..?

“Um… What do you mean, I should not have a soul?”

“You didn't know? Your body is made of the same chaotic creatia as the daedra, but you were specially designed to hold a soul - something the daedra do not have. Your body is Daedric, though. Your body is able to hold me.”

I... 

“How..?”

The daedra sighs and once again speaks, probably to answer all my questions out of a desire to return the favor of me listening to him speak before he tries to kill me.

“Your body is made from the Azure Plasm that makes the physical body of a daedric being. Unlike the daedra, however, you hold a mortal soul of some chimer in place of a vestige. I am uncertain why, but that does not matter right now. What matters is your body gives me a way out of here. No more directives. No more machine. That’s all I want - would you really begrudge me that?”

“If what you say is true, then this body was made for me by Lady Azura - you cannot have it, daedra.”

“Let us see about that.”

Lucien screams below,

“There! His defenses are down! Attack him, now!”

I pull my bow from my back, whisper a prayer to Azura, and fire an arrow at the soul gem. All I remember is the explosion before everything goes white.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sure you all will be expecting answers, so I will gladly answer any questions anyone have regarding Azure Plasm and put my plans for a personal quest and why I have done this for her in the comments.
> 
> I will hold off on posting chapters for awhile and go into an editing phase so I can answer any questions on the conclusion of this chapter while I fix up any grammatical errors and fix any inconsistencies.


	37. Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Did a lot of checking over and fixing errors, and I will still be searching for any issues every now and then. Sometimes I skip over an error ten times before I finally see the issue haha. But here, the 37th chapter! Woo hoo!
> 
> I will be bringing in some in-game literature and songs occasionally because I really love some of the works, and they do help bring in the feel of Morrowind sometimes. The Five Far Stars is actually my favorite book in The Elder Scrolls, and Words of the Wind is a close second. And come on, "Brave Little Scrib" is adorable, and I had to, I'm not sorry!

“Could you read the poem one more time? _Pleeeaase..?”_

“Azura help me... fine. But you are going to bed after this, little scrib.”

“Why do you call me that, Ata?”

“Oh, you want a different story tonight? Eh. I suppose I could tell you.”

I watch in confusion as Teldryn leans down and grabs the lute that he used to make me practice on and starts plucking away on the strings before he sings,

“There’s a kwama we all know  
who’s as bold as any dunmer,  
You can see by torchbug’s glow,  
little scrib, she’s such a wonder…  
Play, play, life’s an adventure,  
Run, run, as fast as you dare.  
Sing, sing, imagine the pleasure,  
Everything’s fun… when you don’t have a care.  
Mean old torchbug, full of tricks,  
His voice crackling like fire,  
Advice he shares conflicts,  
Sends little Scrib into trouble dire…  
Play, play, life’s an adventure,  
Run, run, as fast as you dare.  
Sing, sing, imagine the pleasure,  
Everything’s fun… when you don’t have a care.  
Brave little Scrib with a heart so pure,  
Always in search of adventure…  
She says, ‘maybe tomorrow…’  
He sas ‘if you insist, but that treasure you’ll miss…’  
Play, play, life’s an adventure,  
Run, run, as fast as you dare.  
Sing, sing, imagine the pleasure,  
Everything’s fun… when you don’t have a care.”

I didn’t know he could sing…

He sets the lute down by my bedpost and places a kiss to my forehead with a smile.

“That’s where I got your nickname, little one. Someday you’ll become a kwama warrior, but for today you are still a scrib. Don’t you try to grow up too fast on me, you still have a long way to go…”

I yawn and smile, before I throw my arms around him.

“Goodnight, Ata.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

I wake up with a start, and immediately search for my sword. Where’s Lucien? Kaidan? Ata? Where in Oblivion am I? Who am I going to kill?

I try to stand and suddenly find myself face down on the floor. I look down at my legs and they are bound in bandages. Those fetchers..! I struggle to my feet, and hobble over to the door, and when I try to open in, I find it is locked.

“Malacath take your soul! When I get out of here, you won’t live to see tomorrow!”

As if in response to my words, the door is quickly unlocked and flies open with a bang. However, instead of someone I was expecting to have to kill, Kaidan runs in, gripping me in the tightest hug he could possibly muster, disarming me mentally and physically.

“Daelha… I can’t breathe-”

He pulls away and then gently scoops me up without a word, placing me in the bed once more. Then, he lays down beside me and wraps his hand around mine.

“Love... there was an explosion... We are in Raven Rock temple.”

As I recall the explosion, I remember the wave of force knocking me off my feet and into one of the stone walls.

“Is everyone else alright..?”

Kaidan nods, and I let out a breath I forgot I was holding, which makes him chuckle.

“What’s so funny, Kai?”

“Nothing. You just worry about everyone else before yourself, even in a Temple recovering from your wounds.”

His words remind me of the bandages on my legs, and when I lift an arm, I find I can’t.

“It’s bad… isn’t it..?”

“Uhm, yeah… you’re in pretty rough shape, love…”

I look over, and see my left arm in a cast pressed to my side, and I hesitantly reach up and touch my head, and feel a series of bandages on it.

“Ash and ice… where’s Ata? Lucien? Are you positive-”

“Darling, Lucien is staying in Dumzbthar to secure everything, and Teldryn… he went off and got drunk.”

I snort.

“Yep. Sounds accurate.”

He sighs and places his head on my chest with a look of relief.

“You’ve been out of it for days… they never let me back in here, those bastards…”

I laugh and stroke his hair with my good hand,

“Oh, so you let yourself in? I suppose I’ll allow it.”

He hums and dozes off, and suddenly I realize that he probably stayed awake at the door for as long as I was out. Damn it, Swordsman… you’re too good for me.

As he rests, I mull over what the daedra said to me in Dumzbthar… I’m a daedra, essentially. It… makes sense. I can’t heal myself, I have no racial magics, and I look like I was spun from a children’s story. I never knew how right I was when I started saying Azura made me. It… doesn’t seem real, but I suppose it makes sense - how else would I be the reincarnation of Nerevar? I wonder, can a daedra marry something made from Anuic energies? Maybe... I do have a soul… 

Wait… marry? Am I _seriously_ considering marriage?

I look down at Kaidan, who is sleeping soundly against me and I smile. He used to have nightmares, and though he’d never admit it, he never had a good night’s sleep until recently. I love doing little things to help him, and I love the way he smiles at me. I love those little moments where he shows that golden heart underneath the layers of hardship he has endured. He helps me see the light in the world again, and I never thought I could after what happened at Cloud Ruler. I hate what I had become… and he made me whole again. I know I will never find another person like him, and I know I’ll love him forever, even after he fades to dust in the wind. Maybe… maybe I would marry him. He’s the only one I’d ever need until the end.

Soon, the door opens again and I see a dunmer in the robes of a temple priest step in, and when he sees Kaidan he groans, which makes me snicker.

“That man has stood by your door for four days, serjo, and we kicked him out on the second night because he wouldn’t rest, and yet he stood outside the temple during an ashstorm, so we had to let him back in. Well, I see he’s finally asleep. Azura knows he needs it.”

I smile, knowing that Kaidan would, indeed, do something like that for me.

“I assume you’re the one who patched me up, then?”

“That I am, but I also had the help of your father. I never would have thought that Teldryn would to be the type to adopt, but eh, there’s always a surprise here in Raven Rock.”

Kaidan mumbles something and pulls me close, and I try not to hiss in pain, making the priest wince at the thought of what I must have felt.

“You sure you want him in here, serjo..?”

“Always. Now, I assume my father will be delighted to know I am finally awake. Would you be willing to go tell him?”

“Of course.”

\--------------------------------------------------------

Azura… an Oblivion gate. And we left that kid there to try to secure the place. An Oblivion gate! N’chow… he is smart enough to do it, I’ll give him that, but I know that kid’s got other plans, too.

I stand and sway for a moment, then walk out of the cornerclub, only to be stopped by the priest. He gives me a look of distaste that really makes me want to spit in his face until he speaks the words I have been waiting for for four days,

“She’s awake.”

I drop my bottle and run, all the way down the street and into the temple. It is a miracle I haven’t tripped or fallen on the way, because I know I am staggering worse than a newborn guar. I open the door to Lucille’s room and the look of confusion on her face tells me I must be drunker than I thought.

“N’chow, you're a mess! get a chair, Ata, I’m fine. Were you hurt in Dumzbthar?”

Was I..? …no. No, I wasn’t.

“No. I was jus’ worried about you, li’l scrib…”

She stifles a laugh and begins stroking Kaidan’s hair.

“Ata, I know that, otherwise you would still be the most literate mer on the island. Now go get some rest. Like him…”

She points to the man who is snoring on her chest with an amused grin,

“I know you haven’t slept much either.”

I sigh, and get up to go find a bed, but when I turn around and see those two, I smile. I’m glad she found someone to love, and he’s a good man.

... Hm...

I walk over and flick Kaidan’s ear, earning me two looks of displeasure. I gesture to my ring finger and nod. I walk away, leaving behind my very confused daughter and Kaidan, who is shocked that I finally decided I’d give him my blessing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Drunk Teldryn is just more susceptible to tugs on his heartstrings. No worries, I am not in a rush at all, so no speedy marriages here. They still have a long way to go.
> 
> Oh, a heads up. Numbers and symbols have meaning here, pointing to a certain series of books. I know, a surprise drop, but ugh, I can't begin to express how irritating it is NOT to point you guys somewhere. This is the 37th chapter... so I suppose I can drop something.
> 
> Symbols, phrases, and numbers are what you need to look for, but not all of them, just the ones that seem important to Lucille and her story. However, if you just want to read it as it is, that's fine too- you will still see the same result as the brainy bunch haha.
> 
> Here, some help. Nope, not gunna translate, I know some lore nuts like me enjoy the brain food, but if you want to know my plan before I set it in motion, you gotta work for it.
> 
> 36+1  
> "Reach heaven by violence."


	38. Temple Tomfoolery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> some super fluffy fluff for us fluff addicts.

I had fallen asleep again, and I awoke to Lucille pressed against me by my own arms. She was awake, and I had not meant to hold her so tightly with her recovering from her burns and other injuries. I let go and she hissed, moving my arms back with her one good hand.

“Lucille, I don’t want to hurt you...”

“You’re not, Daelha, the pressure is kind of soothing, actually.”

Oh.

I hold her close and she sighs in relief, making my heart skip a beat. She heard it, and giggled, only to grunt in pain from the movement. However, she nestles close, and soon falls asleep.

I’m glad she trusts me as much as I trust her, and I’m surprised Teldryn warmed up to me so quickly... though he is quite drunk right now, so of course he’s gonna let his heart show more. How could a mer who raised someone like her not have a heart? It makes sense, and it is amusing to see how similar she is to him. They both pretend not to give a damn, but I know they care much more than they let on.

He… gave me his blessing. I’m not… ready yet, but… I can see it happening. I wonder what she’d say?

I look over her shoulder at my bag and smile. I finished the little talisman, and I can’t wait to see the look on her face. I remembered that she said she wore the amulet of Mara because she thought it looked pretty, and I learned just from watching her that she actually likes the nordic swirls and knotwork. Maybe that’s what drew her eye to the amulet she wore? I dunno, but I did my best with the knotwork, and now it’s done.

She whimpers, and I gently run my fingers through her ruby locks, and she settles once again. Every time I look at her, the less real she seems… This woman looks so delicate, like a maiden in a painting, and yet she is the strongest person on Nirn. I heard what the daedra said, and I am actually considering thanking Azura for this woman in my arms.

“Lucille..?”

She stirs and flips over, looking at me with those beautiful eyes of hers. I kissed her - I couldn’t help it, and she smiled.

“Tell me about Azura.”

She looked surprised, and sat up, pulling me up with her.

“What would you like to know about her?”

“I… don’t know. Everything, I guess.”

She chortles and replies,

“I’d actually begin to age if I tried telling you everything, Daelha. How about the basics? She is the Daedric Prince of Dusk and Dawn, The mother of roses, and the guardian of the threads of fate. She resides in her realm of Moonshadow, a place where the cities are made of silver and the air is almost like perfume. She is the one who sets prophecy in motion, and as you have seen, she also gifts a few mortals with visions. All she demands of us in return is love, and she feels our pain when we do not love ourselves. I feel honored to have been made by Azura. There are books on the subject. I’ll track them down, okay?”

Huh.

“I figured some of the Daedric Princes were truly benevolent. Remind me to thank her for putting you on Nirn.”

She looked shocked.

“I never took you to be the type to interact with the Daedra.”

No… she can’t know. Not now.

I make to get up, and she whimpers an apology that broke my heart, freezing me to the spot.

“I didn’t mean to brush those scars… I didn’t know. You can tell me when you are ready.”

Divines… I don’t deserve her.

“I’ll… I’ll be back.”

“I know you will, Daelha.”

\------------------------------------------------

N’chow… I hope he’s alright... I know how it feels to be tricked by the less benevolent of the daedra. I once asked Clavicus for a cure for my curse, and he sent werewolf hunters after me. If Azura hadn’t intervened by sending me a vision, I would be dead.

I stand and groan, feeling my joints pop, relieving the terrible tension I had been enduring. I hobble out of the room and Elder Othreloth almost drops his tea when he sees me coming up the stairs.

“What in the name of- No, no! You need to be resting! Go, shoo! Go lay back down, I will get whatever it is you need.”

I roll my eyes and sigh.

“Listen, I just need to move, if there is one thing I hate more than nobility, it is being cooped up. I may be injured, but I can still put up a fight if I have to. I just want to find some books, okay?”

He looks flabbergasted at my words and I am delighted to see he can’t speak because of it.

I search the room and pull out a copy of ‘The Reclamations,’ ‘The Five Points of the Star,’ ‘Invocation of Azura,’ and ‘The Anticipations,’ the last being archaic but a good point of reference. I carry these books back to the room and place them beside Kaidan’s bag, then return to the bed. I try to rest, but I find I can’t - I am too worried about those three. Eventually, I do drift off into a fitful sleep.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

Why did I leave..? She wasn’t going to press or ask why I reacted that way. Divines, if anyone could understand my pain, it’s her… Oh damn! Her talisman!

I stop, turn on my heel, and walk back to the temple to talk to Lucille. When I enter, I hear the priest shouting to his pupil to go get some water and healing potions, I almost brush it off, but his frantic tone suggested something was going on.

I ran down the stairs, and when I saw the priest trying to wake Lucille from a vision, I immediately understood that it is unusual for other races to receive visions from Azura, going off of the fact that the priest is trying to wake her in the same way I did the first time I saw her having one. He turns to look at me with horror on his face and I almost laugh,

“Damn it, can you tell me what’s going on? Get over here and help me check her head!”

“Er, I suggest letting her go. She’ll come to. She’s fine.”

“What in the name of..? Go, get out of here, maybe find someone who can actually help!”

“What I’m trying to say is...”

“Did you not hear me? She’s having a-”

“A vision. She’s having a vision! Damn, I thought a priest would recognize Azura’s gifts!”

He blinked twice, then looked back at Lucille, who is still whimpering and covering her eyes with her one free hand.

“She has the crystal vision? That’s... unheard of, for an outlander.”

“Yeah, I can tell. Just let her come out of it.”

He steps away, and after a few moments, Lucille abruptly sits up and nearly vomits.

“Azura… that’s… what do I do? What do we do?”

The priest looks at me in awe, and then watches as her eyes land on Trueflame, then a banner with a sun, then her bow.

“When..?”

A pause.

“Got it.”

I walk over and sit at the edge of the bed as she rubs her eyes.

“Well… what’d you see, love?”

“I can’t tell you... yet. I can only tell you that Morthal will greatly pale in comparison to what is going to happen after the dragon crisis.”

I nod, and we both turn to see the two priests looking at us with curiosity, which makes Lucille groan.

“N’chow… Yes, I have been touched by Azura. No, I cannot tell you what I saw. Yes, this happens on the regular. No, I don’t know why.”

The younger priest shrugs and walks off, but her words seem to have encouraged the older priest. He walks over and kneels at eye level with her.

“Serjo, we both know that last one was a lie. I’ll keep it in the confines of the temple, but I have a sneaking suspicion that you are more than what you present yourself as. I have never in my life seen someone close to your condition walking in a few days.”

The balls on this bastard...

“If you must know, why not ask Azura? If she tells you, then I know I can trust you. Deal?”

He nods, and stalks off to the shrines, leaving us alone once again. She turns to me with a long suffering sigh, and she almost says something, but I speak first.

“Love, I have something for you.”

She raises an eyebrow and smiles.

“Oh? What is it?”

I stand and grab the talisman from my bag, and bring it to her.

“It’s sort of a luck talisman. I’m… not much of a silversmith, but I’m pretty handy when it comes to scrimshaw, and since you wanted something to wear that didn’t make half of Skyrim chase you…”

She gives me a stunning smile that melts my heart

“You… carved this for me?”

“Aye, from some bone from the dragon we brought down outside Whiterun. A bit harder to work with than horker tusk, but that means it’ll last a long time.”

“Daelha… it is beautiful…”

“Well, I made it for you, after all, since you’re the only…”

Come on, you bloody daft bastard, say it…!

“Come on, Kai, what are you trying to say?”

Damn.

“Ah, it’s nothing. Never mind it.”

She laughs,

“Again? Kaidan! I know by now that it’s always something.”

I smile

“You do, eh? Well keep digging there. You might make it to Akavir.”

She takes the talisman and tries to put it on, only to snarl in frustration.

“Oh, fine, you cripple. Let me...”

She laughs as I put the necklace on her,

“Your bedside manners are terrible, sir healer!”


	39. The Final Descent

N’chow... I knew I shouldn’t have gone into the mine alone. I needed something to busy myself instead of just drinking, and when that old bat asked me once again to search the mine, I finally relented. What I was not expecting was a bloody crypt full of undead...

Undead that are now chasing my sorry ass back outside.

I finally leave that thrice cursed mine and bound the door shut with some trama roots. What in the name of Mephala went wrong?

Maybe I am just getting dull in my old age. However, I know I can’t leave the mine overrun like that. I need Kaidan.

I open the temple door and find myself staring into Lucille’s eyes. It takes me a moment, trying to decide if I should hug her or speak to the winds, but I finally manage to say something.

“...how..?”

She laughs, and motions over to a young woman in the corner who was peeling ash yams.

“She heard what happened to me and brought a potion she’d been experimenting with. Said it’d fix me up, and it did just that. Now I owe her some netch jelly, which shouldn’t be too hard.”

I look at the woman again and she smiles and gives a wave.

“Hello, I’m Milore. I assume you’re the one she was about to get?”

I smile and laugh,

“Well, I would hope so!”

Kaidan walks up behind me and drops a rather large hand on my shoulder,

“You going to stop drinking Geldis dry now, old man?”

“It’s old _mer_ , but yes. I actually stopped drinking this morning... but…”

Lucille groans…

“What did you do this time, Ata…?”

\---------------------------------------------------------

Oh, Azura, I am trying so hard not to laugh…

“Ata… you… filled the mine with draugr.”

“Would you rather me sit on my thumbs, Lucy?”

For the love of-

“You know I am not saying that. I’m just wondering why you didn’t get Kaidan or one of the boneheads to help.”

He groans and takes lead once again. I watch as he unties the trama roots from the doorhandles with amusement until I see a pair of glowing blue eyes peer out from the window above.

“Oi, Teldryn, they’re behind the door!”

Teldryn stops fiddling with the roots, draws Hopesfire, and then cuts the roots off in a single swipe of the sword. The doors are pushed open by the draugr on the other side and I can only manage to unsheath my sword before it falls dead to Teldryn’s blade.

“Uglier than a sload, he is. Better to return to the ash than look like him. Let’s keep moving.”

I look at Kaidan with a grin and he smiles back, drawing his blade. We follow Teldryn into the mine and fight off the draugr until we come to a section of the mine that was previously planked off.

“So Ata, why’d you run in here?”

He groans,

“The Caerelliuses are still here, and I know you remember Gratian… right?”

“Yes I do. He agreed to be a guard for a time until the East Empire Company brought some actual men over. Why?”

“Well, his great grandson is here, wondering why the East Empire Company shut the mine down after Gratian came in and possibly died. Then the s’wits abandoned Raven Rock a little while after that, leaving your town in the state it’s in.”

Those heartless fetchers…

“I knew there was something fishy going on with the mine when Gjalund told me about it. We need to get to the bottom of this.”  
We push on and run into a Nordic ruin, and I have a sinking feeling in my gut the moment we enter it.

Kaidan is quick to notice my unease and moves closer, acting as a shield to whatever I am sensing. Then, it happens - I hear the shout before I see it, and it slams into Kaidan, who had braced himself in a way that prevented him from being thrown against a wall or on top of me. Teldryn had darted off to the side to throw fireballs at it, and I pulled my bow and shot flaming arrows into it. Kaidan ran ahead and took out its knees with a yell just as I made one last shot into its eyesocket.

“I hate those damn things. It’s bad enough that they’re loud, but their yelling actually hurts us. Fetchers…”

“You know, you can do the same thing…”

“I prefer not to unless it is absolutely necessary, Daelha. Power can corrupt… I have watched it happened with six others. No, my sword is my word, and my word is my sword. I have no need of it.”

Kaidan looks at me funny but then takes the lead, and we enter a large room with a skylight and there are thrones all around us. We dispatch the draugr as they rise and then continue on our way. Well, that is until I see an icy substance that I know all too well.

“What… is this? Is it ice?”

I walk up and run a hand down it with a smile.

“Yes and no. It is stalhrim. Incredibly strong, much like ebony... I wonder if the Skaal still smith it.”

Kaidan pokes it with a finger and furrows his brow, but then turns and motions for us to get moving.

After a close call with a lightning trap I had to disarm with two well placed arrows, we then enter a chamber with a waterfall and a bridge, and I have to stop everyone before they alert the two ‘deathlords’ that Lucien so lovingly gave a name to back in Ustengrav.

“How are we going to take them out?”

Kaidan pulls his massive bow from his back and hands me an arrow with a nod, and I light it. He quickly draws back and fires, and the arrow went through the helmet and out the other side on the first draugr, the flaming shaft setting it alight from inside its dessicated head. He repeated the process with the other, and we stand and finally release the breaths we were holding.

“Kaidan… what is the poundage on that bow?!”

He shrugs

“Dunno. Just picked the one that I could draw back on without breaking.

Boethia’s balls…

“Lemme see it.”

He passes it to me and I find I have to shift my muscles partially to draw back on it, otherwise it wouldn’t budge.

“Kaidan, this is well over 95 pounds. How… You know what? I’m not surprised. There’s always a surprise. I should just get used to it.”

Teldryn tuts and grabs the bow, only to let out a string of curses that made me flush red as he failed to finish the draw.

Meanwhile, Kaidan is laughing, trying not to hit the floor.

“You’re dating a bloody troll, Lucille. Next time, have him carry you.”

“If I remember things correctly, you threatened to set my trousers on fire if I touched her back in that dwemer ruin.”

“Ah… yeah, yeah I did do that, didn’t I? Apologies.”

These two…

“Come on, we are burning daylight. We need to get to the bottom of why the damn East Empire abandoned Raven Rock so I can decide whether or not to set fire to their headquarters.”

Teldryn rolls his eyes once again and Kaidan gives a fierce nod, obviously on the same page I am.

We get moving again after I find the switch to raise the gate that was blocking our progress, and come to another area with a soul gem trap, which was easily disarmed once again. As we reach the end of a hall, I notice a steep drop and a terrifying door at the bottom.

“What in the…”

“Um, you sure that door is supposed to glow like that?”

N’chow… now I am worried.

“Come on, we made it this far. No going back.”

I climb down the basalt columns with ease, and as the two men climb down after me, I notice two skeletons… one bearing the Caerellius signet ring.

“Hello again, old friend… let’s get you home... No good rotting away here.”

I begin to wrap Gratian’s bones in the blanket from my bag, and I notice a terrifying greatsword next to a journal.

I read the journal and look once more at the door in front of me, and I know what I must do.

I finish packing away the bones and put them in my bag, then I lift the greatsword. It’s been awhile - not my cup of tea, but I know how to swing it. I pull the wolf to the surface and swing, and I watch as a wave of red light hits the wall, making it move. It then reveals a vertical glowing line, and I swing the blade once again in a downward motion, making a vertical wave hit the wall.

I did the same for the other side, and soon the glow was between the two doors, so I swung once more, and the doors were open. I walk forward, leading Kai and Teldryn down the hall until I hear the sound everyone hates...

“Are you fucking kidding me…?”


	40. Say No Elegies for the Melting Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a book for you guys to read. Nono, not what you are thinking. It is from Morrowind, and it explains most of Lucille's build and mentality.
> 
> "The True Noble's Code."
> 
> And yes, Lucille's netch leathers were custom made by Grendis Rolovo to fit the "medium" armor category - I also went into the gamecode and adjusted the weight and armor rating while keeping it under the light armor tree. In Morrowind, she wore bonemold until Solstheim's great hunt happened and she was cursed with Lycanthropy. So, she needed something that she could fix easily.
> 
> I told y'all there's a reason for everything!

Damn… it always has to be swinging blades. Lucille looks back at us and groans,

“Stay here - I’ll find the release.”

“Just… be careful, okay?”

“I will, Daelha.”

She turns and we watch as she avoids the blades with surprising ease, and then we can’t see her past the turn of the hall. Soon, we hear the blades come to a screeching halt, and Lucille’s voice calling us.

We approach, and we see a vast chamber of mostly water, and Lucille once again stiffens, but this time pulls out her bow and nocks an arrow. I do the same, and Teldryn summons an atronach that I really want to kill, but then we hear a horrible shriek.

Oh shit.

“Dragon priest! Lucille, for the love of the divines, don’t let it get close to you!”

“Understood!”

Lucille and I begin firing arrows into the creature as it flings bolts of lightning at us, while Teldryn and his atronach work on setting it alight with magic. Eventually, it falls into the water, and Lucille does not hesitate to dive in, obviously going for its mask.

When she surfaces, she suddenly turns her head and sees another of those walls at the far end of the room and swims to it. Teldryn walks up to me and whispers

“What in Oblivion is she doing?”

“I never asked… think it has somethin’ to do with her being dragonborn, but I can’t be too sure.”

She snaps out of whatever trance these walls put her into and casts a spell, then walks across the surface of the water.

“Lucy! I ought to- you know that’s outlawed!”

She shrugs with a smug grin and returns to my arms. She mutters something into my chestplate and I tap her back to let her know we couldn’t understand her, so she pulls away and repeats herself.

“Last I checked, draugr don’t report crimes, Ata.”

I stifle a laugh and Teldryn narrows his eyes at me, then sighs.

“Fine, fine. Come on, that chest had skeever droppings for treasure - a ruse. We need to get out of here and tell old Crescius we pulled his ancestor from this tomb, and that he was right. N’chow…”

Lucille leads us to another room, and while Teldryn makes quick work of the chest in the corner, Lucille picks up a book from a pedestal in front of the stairwell, only to yelp and drop it. The book fell open and seized her with several tentacles, and I immediately drew Stormfang, ready to hack through the damn things.

Teldryn pulls me aside suddenly, and I almost punch him but his words save his face,

“Stop! You’ll kill her if you do that! She has to escape on her own!”

I blink.

“What?”

“That is one of the books of Hermaeus Mora. A black book. What she is seeing now is his realm of Apocrypha, and knowing her, she will find a way out.”

\---------------------------------------------------------

“Listen, Scryer, I just want out of here, can you please let me go? I doubt my Lady will take too kindly to this entrapment.”

Mora’s bellowing laugh echoes over his slick, oily plane of Oblivion and I groan.

“Azura may have made you for her purposes, but I am the prince of fate and lord of secrets. Azura guards over the threads of fate… and I spin them. You’d be wise to listen to me.”

“Oh, so I have you to thank for making my life just so perfect! Thank you for the bloody Oblivion Crisis, Umbriel, The Red Year, Dagoth Ur and the Blight, Hircine’s kwama pile on Solstheim, the Great War, the slaughter of my friends and family throughout the two eras! Just let me go, fetcher!”

He laughs then, and I realize I just called a Daedric Prince a fetcher…

“You are fearless, aren’t you? Perhaps you will uncover the secrets hidden here… if so, welcome. Or perhaps you are a fool, or a coward. Read your book again before Apocrypha claims you forever.”

With that, he disappears, and I begin walking, stewing over the fact that I have yet another daedra with their hand in my life. That makes a total of five...

Eventually I reach a raised area with a central pool of… whatever that is, and I am suddenly hit with a wave of magic that feels like acid. I wheel around and see one of the most horrifying creatures I have ever laid eyes on and dodge another attack. I draw my bow and fire, only to be disappointed by it not having much of an effect, so I put my bow away and draw Trueflame. The flames that billowed over the blade startled it, and I grinned. I took a swipe at it, and the oils on its shaggy hide ignited, burning the monster away.

I continue on, and I loot several pods of their books. I know, I know, but I only went after books from Tamriel - specifically, books on the Aedra and Daedra. However, I noticed I was getting enraptured anyway, searching for these specific books, and suddenly it dawned on me that I was falling for the Scryer’s trap. I sought to avoid his trap by looking for knowledge from Tamriel, when in reality… everything here is already from Nirn. Fetcher...

I huffed and resumed my mission of escape, and had to fight two more of those horrible creatures until I entered an arena, and the massive beast that rose from the acidic depths shook me to my core.

I ran past it, slicing what served as a knee with Trueflame, and watched as it was set alight… only for it to pat the flames out like it was a mere mosquito. It snarled, and I suddenly saw a toothy grin on its face.

I’m screwed.

I ran, and ran hard, activating the two little pods that made shit move and open, and ran up the steps to the big book at the end. I opened it, and I saw it was a portal to where I was. I climbed in, and shut the book behind me.

\-------------------------------------------------------

We both hear Lucille gasp, and we turn to look at her just as she hurls the book away from her like it had bitten her.

“Lucille Volene Sero, don’t you _ever_ touch one of those again!”

She turns to look at me with a ferocity in her dusk colored eyes that made me, her father, shrink back… until she sighs.

“I didn’t know what that book was until it was too late. N’chow…”

“Just… don’t do it again, okay? You have already-”

“Not now, Ata. Not now. I just want to go home…”

Me too…

Soon, we hear Kaidan snickering, and Lucille turns to look at him with curiosity, asking for an explanation with just her eyes.

“Um… your middle name is Volene..?”

She groans and gives a forced smile.

“Yes, Daelha… my middle name is Volene. You can thank him for the laugh.”

She then turns on her heel and walks up the steps, leaving Kaidan quite puzzled. I shrug and follow her, and soon we find ourselves knee deep in reavers.

Lucille takes on the leader, leaving us to whittle away the lesser reavers. It goes well until the last of the reavers shouts “Nerevar guide me!” and charges Lucille, who immediately plunges her blade into the woman’s gut.

Lucille leans into the woman's face and hisses,

“Which one?”

She then tips her blade and lets the woman slide off and onto the ground, then stalks off to a dark corner and tries to fight off tears as Kaidan tries to help console her.

N’chow... I shouldn’t have yelled at her, huh?

Bloody Daedra.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... the Daedric Princes are a sore topic for her. Also, that line was actually delivered by the last reaver in bloodskaal barrow when I went through with Lucille, and it just felt like a huge slap to the face, really 😂
> 
> "Guide me while I try to murder your reincarnation. No biggie."


	41. Ghosts of the Past, pt. 1

“From the bottom of my heart, I thank you, miss. You have not only returned my ancestor’s remains, but you three have also given Raven Rock its mine back. Here, I know it’s not much, bu-”

“No, no. Keep your gold, serjo. We were just doing the town a service that was long overdue, and really, it was no problem retrieving the remains.”

Kaidan shifts on his feet uncomfortably and Teldryn hisses behind his teeth, making me feel guilty for refusing. However, Crescius ignores me and places the coinpurse in my hand and sends us off before I could reject it again.

On our way back to the Retching Netch, Kaidan nudges my hand with his, and I look up to see a worried look on his face.

I lean into him, and he wraps his arm around me with a sigh of relief. I can’t tell if he is worried about me or something else, but he worries too much as it is.

We walk into the cornerclub like this and score a sour look from that Drovas fellow. I smile and wave, and it makes him look away, as I intended.

Teldryn pays for a room and leads us there, and he plops into the same chair he usually does, and I sit on the footboard until Kaidan grabs my hand and leads me to sit on the edge of the bed with him. He then rests his head on my shoulder and wraps his arm around me, leaning into me, so I chuckle and give in to his desire to just… hold eachother. I reach up and begin massaging his scalp with one hand and he groans with pleasure.

Teldryn pulls out his pipe and begins puffing away on it while he mulls over something in his head. Soon, he speaks up,

"Lucy, we need to talk about something."

“This is about the Black Book, isn’t it..?”

Teldryn sighs and reaches into his bag, and pulls it out. I don’t remember him grabbing it, and I realized I had stood and moved a good distance away before he spoke.

“We can’t just leave it there for someone else to find. Mephala knows what could happen if it falls into the wrong hands…”

“I assume you two agreed to this together?”

“Aye… as much as I prefer not to be involved with the daedra, I agree with your father.”

Oh. Alright…

“I… alright… I trust you guys. I suggest binding it shut, so we don’t have another incident like we did in the tomb.”

I yawn, and soon Teldryn and Kaidan do too.

“Well, it is late. I suggest we get some rest - Azura knows we need it.”

\---------------------------------------------------------

I awoke to the sound of an explosion outside the cornerclub, and I see it woke Lucille and Teldryn, too. It happened again and we all ran out to see fireballs arcing over the bulwark and the Redoran Guard all mobilizing to fight whoever is attacking the town. Lucille lets out a feral snarl and runs off to help, forcing Teldryn and I to give chase.

We pass under the wall and are faced with men made of… ash. Just ash. Lucille roars and cuts one of the ash men in half, and watches in horror as it reforms, so she targets the light in its chest. She hits something solid, and the ash cascades to the ground, and whatever was in its chest disintegrated. Teldryn and I pull out our bows and follow her lead, and soon we are at a torn up farm a small ways outside of Raven Rock. 

Lucille points out three ash men and takes a deep breath through her nose, then turns to us and shouts,

“That’s the guard captain! Come on, we have to go help!”

She breaks into a run and we follow, and before we even get there, the creatures turn and begin throwing fireballs at us. Lucille shot an arrow into the chest of one just as Teldryn ran ahead and began fighting beside the captain, leaving me to go after the third. I lashed out with Stormfang, catching it across its chest, and for a moment I swear I saw a gray stone with red light in it before it all fell in a pile at my feet.

I catch up to them as Lucille heals the captain. He stands up and brushes his armor off, then casts a sad glance at his fallen soldier.

“Thanks… I wasn’t sure I’d make it off this farm alive. I wish I could have said the same for my man here.”

“Oi, what were those things?”

“Some of the Redoran Guard have taken to calling them ‘ash spawn.’ Me, I don’t care what they are called… all I know is they’re a danger to Raven Rock and they need to be stopped.”

Lucille pipes up,

“What are you doing way out here at the old farm?”

“I was going to search for some clues that might lead me to wherever they are coming from. I know it isn’t the best place to start, but we know they have been coming from this direction.”

Lucille looks at me, then to Teldryn who gives her a shrug, so she turns to the captain,

“I could lend a hand, sera.”

“I.. thank you, Archmaster. I could use all the help I can get. We were searching the farm when the ash spawn attacked. Have a look around and see if you turn up anything useful.”

She nots and turns to an ash pile, kneels beside it and begins sifting through the ashes. I do the same with the one I killed while Teldryn tries to get more information from the Captain.

Suddenly, my fingers run over parchment, and I lift it up from the ash pile. I look it over, open it, and read it.

Odd.

“Hey, does the name ‘Falx Carius’ mean anything to you two?”

Lucille makes a strangled noise, but before I can turn to see her expression, the captain walks up and takes the letter from me, reading its contents.

“Strange… I heard you correctly, but that’s impossible.”

“Impossible? Why?”

“Well, General Falx Carius was the Imperial garrison commander at Fort Frostmoth, but he died over 200 years ago when the Red Mountain leveled the place.”

200 years..? Oh.

“What do you want us to do, sir?”

“If general Carius is still alive, there must be something keeping him that way. I need you to go to Fort Frostmoth and check it out. I’m going to head back to Raven Rock to prepare my men for further assaults.”

He walks off to the town, and I turn to look at Lucille, who has turned white as a sheet.

She knows the place too well...

“Lucille..?”

She doesn’t respond, so I walk forward and embrace her, but it is like she does not notice. I look over at Teldryn for answers, and he sighs. He then gestures to his waist, and mimics an animal bite with his hand there.

Gods damn it all… First an Oblivion Gate, now something related to her curse…

“Hey, love... come on, maybe you need a brea-”

“No. I just want this over. Then, maybe, I will get a break...”

She pulls away, and begins leading us to Fort Frostmoth.

What… what should I do..? What do I say..?

\-------------------------------------------------------

Boethia’s bosom, why must history repeat itself around us? There’s always something from our past, something that broke us once before, looking to do it again. Maybe trouble is our secret admirer, I don’t know. All I know is that Lucille most likely has to fight General Falx Carius… again.

I watch as she silently leads us through the ash wastes, west toward the fort, and I find myself wondering how I am supposed to help her. Even I have never faced an enemy twice, let alone an enemy who was once a friend.

Soon, we see the dock at Fort Frostmoth, and Lucille does not even bother to sneak. She just delivers death to the ash spawn in one downward slash of her sword while she walks by.

She’s using my old Tong tactics.

She then leads us up the stone steps and into what used to be the courtyard, and she pulls the dagger that Lucien returned to me to give to her, and begins a deadly dance that targets the stony cores of these monsters as they rise.

Soon, she freezes. She takes a whiff of the air and snarls just as we hear a familiar voice.

“Men, invaders have entered the fort! Prepare yourselves for an ambush!”

She growls and looks up at one of the towers, following the sound of the voice, and we all see Falx staring down at us.

“Fort Frostmoth will never fall! Long live the Empire!”

He then darts down the stairs and into the keep, leaving us to fight the ash spawn off while we make it to the barracks.

Fetcher...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have always envisioned Kaidan to be a cuddlebug haha, so I gave you some cuddly Kai. Oh, and Lucille has a soft spot for Raven Rock - she helped build it, so imagine someone attacking a town you helped make for no reason. You'd be mad, yeah?


	42. Ghosts of the Past, pt. 2

I hastily block the door with a barrel of ancient mead and take a breath, grateful the ash spawn were too stupid to try to push open the door.

Okay, here’s what I know so far… He is most certainly undead, and he has got soul sickness. I saw something imbedded in his chestplate, I think, and he smelled like ash and magicka. This is not the Carius I know. This is a mimicry of life, and it must be destroyed in the name of Azura.

I turn to Kaidan and Teldryn, draw Trueflame once more, and place the tip of my blade on the ground, leaning on it like a cane.

“Carius is obviously undead, raised by someone skilled enough to rejuvenate lost flesh. I suspect the Telvanni, or an outlander with a lot of skill.”

Kaidan grits his teeth at the thought of magic, but then I see him soften for a moment. The question that came from his lips surprised me,

“Love..? Did you know this Carius?”

Mephala’s wet tongue…

“I… yes. I did. He was the man who helped me found Raven Rock. He was a good man, and an even better Captain - his soldiers were his family, and he gladly threw me under his wing too… That is, until I was forced into Hircine’s hunt. He was… supposed to be one of the three hares of the hunt. I refused to kill him, and we escaped together, but not before Hircine himself decided to show me the error of my ways. He had me fight him for hours, and by some miracle of Azura, I actually won. When we escaped, Carius could not look at me... He advised me to leave the island, and to pursue a cure. You saw and heard what happened with the hags at the Altar of Thrond...”

He nods solemly and with that, I turn and take the lead once again.

I lead the two men down a set of stairs that were apparently an ambush site for the Ash spawn - they leapt from the dunes that have accumulated inside and began to hurl fireballs at us. I manage to block a few with my shield, but soon it is reduced to ash. Kaidan and Teldryn are fighting their own, So I am forced to weave closer and closer to the creature as it casts its fireball spells.

I stop, draw Lucien’s dagger, whisper a prayer to Azura and throw it.

I hear a metallic _ping_ , and I see the blade imbedded in its stone core.

It crumbles, and soon after the men behind me slay the other two. I huff and try the door, only to find it is locked tight.

“Fuck.”

“Lucy!”

“Well, what would you rather me say, huh? ‘Woe is me?’ Sometimes ‘fuck’ is all you can say, Ata. N’chow…”

Kaidan smirks, giving me an elbow of approval. I then hear Teldryn grumble behind me as just Kai runs up and kicks the door open with a boom.

Before they go into the stairwell, I stop them, round a corner, and get out of my armor.

If I don’t, Hircine will find a way to curse me twice for disobeying him once again. Apparently, time is figurative if you are me…

It always comes back to me. I can’t avoid shit.

I take a breath and transform, and when I return to the men, I snarl.

They step out of my way, allowing me to ascend first. There, I see Carius, and he sees me. At first, he draws the warhammer from his back, but then stills.

“...You again? Do not think that I cannot see through the form you now wear. I am sorry it must come to this, Nerevarine Lucille. I had thought better of you. It is clear, though, that you have joined with these dark forces. Killing you will be an act of mercy.”

He slams his warhammer onto the stone floor with a furious battle cry, and eight ash spawn rise. I snarl and leap onto Carius, but somehow he manages to throw me off and into a stone wall.

I stand and leap at him again, but instead of landing on him like last time, I kick him down. Before he can stand, I run forward and pin him to the ground, and just as I rip the stone from the socket in his chest, he chokes up on the handle of his warhammer and strikes me in the ribs, one handed.

I take a knee with great difficulty, and watch as the ash spawn all fall dead alongside Carius. Teldryn runs up and begins to heal me as best he can while Kaidan kneels beside me and places a hand on my shaggy shoulder, wordlessly supporting me before I crumble.

I don’t remember returning to Raven Rock, but I ended up there anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In TESIII: Bloodmoon, Carius does deliver this line, but only if you sided with Hircine. I sided against, but I still headcanon that Lucille was indeed turned in Skaal Village.
> 
> Oh, and "Soul Sickness" is a term used by the dunmer for someone who has gone insane.


End file.
